Ex- Fwb mixed signals

[Shabba888]

Hi guys,

I had posted before for advice but will summarise briefly but wanted some advice.

 

I was fwb with a guy for about 8 months until about a year ago.

We saw each other fairly regularly. I wondered about blurring of lines as he/we would speak about life/family etc and go out for dinners.

 

A few months before it ended he made a point of taking me out for dinner, and started talking about how he wanted to have a serious relationship settle down etc. I presumed he was dropping a hint so afterwards said why don't we give it ago, his response was 'I'm not saying no but need time to think'.

 

Anyway I presumed he was just playing games and dropped it- never brought it up again.

 

 

A few months later he essentially 'ghosted'.

No message/conversation to say why. After the ghosting we did meet only for food once, but no further 'fwb' hook ups.

I was naturally upset (also liked him towards the end). To make things complicated we work out at the same gym and see each other every now and again.

 

During this time I wouldn't go out of my way to say hello/talk to him but responded if he spoke. At times he would 'flirt' I.e block weights when I try get them do things to get a reaction.

 

About 2 months ago he gets intouch and asks to meet for food so we can 'talk about what happened', alongside messaging every now and again.

When we meet he apologises for how he behaved but didn't give me a clear explanation apart from he had '****' going on, didn't want to mess me around and the 'fwb was a phase'.

He showered me with complements- saying I'm beautiful intelligent etc and he can't believe I've not been snapped up by a man yet, and quizzed me about dating anyone.

He also made a point about asking about some of the personal things we spoke about, and told he me used some of the advice I gave him. I was suprised he actually remembered as some of the stuff he brought up was from conversations over 18 months ago.

He also said he 'wanted to go to Thailand on holiday and if he did he would like to take me'.

 

He says we need to meet again soon. We arrange to meet but he bailed at the last minute.

During the fwb I walked on egg shells- was scared to express how I felt, so when he acted like this I sent him a message saying I'm happy for us to be friends but not interested in him being hot and cold, 'being flaky' and Im not looking for a part time friend.

 

He replied saying he is looking for friendship, nothing more, that we should call it a day and he won't get intouch. I took his word for this.

 

However a few weeks later he started messaging again and is also speaking to me at the gym like we never had that conversation..

 

I'm naturally a bit??. I like him but find his words/actions/behaviour very confusing.

 

Non of my friends can decipher him either.

I was never the one to reach out to him. So don't understand what he is thinking doing.

Obviously sometimes guys want platonic friendships but I do think he is giving a vibe of something more AND it's weird to ask for it with a previous 'fwb'?

FYI 'fwb' may be thewrong term.. we weren't initially 'friends' met on a dating website and agreed on more of a casual relationship. This is why I find him saying the friendship thing strange because we were never friends alongside taking a 'platonic friend' on holiday.

 

Any advice appreciated as I'm very confused.

 

Also- I'm dyslexic so apologies for typos.

Edited August 22, 2017 by Shabba888

[preraph]

I'm not certain, but I am a believer in believing certain things guys say so I'm going by that. He told you he wanted a serious relationship, but then when you volunteered, a logical assumption, he made excuses, put you off. That's because he wants a serious relationship but not with you. He has eliminated you as the serious relationship probably partly because you are having casual sex with him. Or he just knows you're not like the person he wants to settle down with.

 

I think he likes you as a friend and so he was coming back as a friend. I'd be careful about going to Thailand with him just because that's an odd invitation and so much sex trafficking there and odd he'd want to take a person he has casual sex with there, which he apparently thought better of since he seems to have backed out. I mean, lots of guys think Thailand is the sex Mecca of the world. I think he feels somewhat guilty about him fumbling about wanting a relationship and you thinking he meant you and so he's felt awkward and wanted to clear the air. He's a man, so he undoubtedly also goes right back into FWB mode even though he'd like a woman to settle down with when he goes too long without sex or finding that women.

 

So that's why he's on and off. Best I can tell. I mean, he de-escalated so we know he wasn't trying to escalate when he had that initial talk about relationships. So I believe that was an awkward misunderstanding. But do let us know if he says anything else to further shed light on it!