Female friend talking to me about her relationship problems.

[hptalbot]

So I am somewhat new to my city and haven't really made any friends. Except one girl I talk to a bit online, and I don't know her all that well. She was at first a potential romantic interest as all our conversations have been on Okcupid. She mentioned she had a boyfriend and I wrote it off and just kept talking to her because I have been lonely and it's nice to talk to someone. She has recently been complaining about her boyfriend. Last week she admitted that she hated him, without prompting, and said she had for a while but had just now begun to stop hiding it. Today she mentioned to me that she will leave him someday. I am not sure how I feel about this person, right now she is in the friend-zone. I am somewhat slow to respond to her texts, and have never been super emotionally available. When she talks about her bf negatively I tend to say something like "yeah it sucks you are going through that." Basically I just let her vent and listen, because I honestly don't know what to do with that info.

 

She is also sick, with MS, and relies on her boyfriend for day to day things like driving.

 

Dating is a low priority for me right now as my life is in a pretty hectic and stressful spot (I am back and school and not working so I have very little money) but I am open to the idea of a relationship. Should I start thinking of her as more than a friend? Is she potentially looking at me as a safety net and potential rebound if she leaves her bf, or is there a possibility for something real here? How should I proceed with her in a way that won't ruin our friendship? I am not sure how she feels about me, and am not sure why she is confiding this information in me.

Edited May 18, 2017 by hptalbot

[Titanll]

She has a boyfriend, you met on OKC, she's only a friend but you're asking if there's a possibility of something real?

 

What is something real?

 

OP, do yourself a favor and find a girlfriend if that's what you want. If you want a pen pal, sounds like you have one.

 

I mean really, why waste your time. You said your life is hectic and stressful now, this will certainly add to that if you try to pursue her romantically.

[hptalbot]

I'm more concerned than anything. I've try ed to keep things friendly and I don't want her to see me as a way out.

[Purepony]

So then tell her!

Tell you are wondering where this is going.. if she says something dumb like just friends block her and move on to the next but can you be with someone who has ms in terms of assistance ?

[SevenCity]

Don't ever think of her as more than a friend or FB. Here's why:

 

- She's on a dating site and has a bf

- She's talking to another guy about her bf issues rather than her bf

- She will do the exact same thing to you if she becomes your gf

 

Many women line up a replacement for their current SO to soften the blow and because they can't go at it alone. She is one of them. She is staying with someone she hates until she lines something up rather than talking to him about her concerns. This will be you one day if you get involved.

 

If you want a FB tell her to call you when she's broken up but don't ever trust this girl. You're not special or different, you won't change her. She can't help who she is and you will get hurt. Potentially really badly.

[preraph]

If she was after you, chances are she wouldn't be talking to you like you're her girlfriend.

[hptalbot]

If she was after you, chances are she wouldn't be talking to you like you're her girlfriend.

 

Thats what I was thinking. That all I really want from her, her situation is not something I think I can handle, but you never know. I like to give people a chance though, like if she WAS interested I could try and see how I felt about it. But it sounds like you guys agree she is just venting, and the friends thing is mutual.

[preraph]

The longer you go along with just being someone she vents to without any romantic involvement, the less likely anything romantic is to ever happen because it erodes what she thinks of you as a man and puts you into brother or weak man territory. Some people just like to yammer. If I were you I'd stop replying to venting and not let her engage you with "Are you mad at me" when you don't respond and see what she does with that. Tell her you're busy looking for a girlfriend who doesn't already have a boyfriend. The fact she complains about him all the time isn't a great sign about who she is that she'd stay there if she's that unhappy. She may be someone who is just never satisfied, so not sure I'd pursue her for romance anyway.

 

 

Do a slow fade.

[hptalbot]

The longer you go along with just being someone she vents to without any romantic involvement, the less likely anything romantic is to ever happen because it erodes what she thinks of you as a man and puts you into brother or weak man territory. Some people just like to yammer. If I were you I'd stop replying to venting and not let her engage you with "Are you mad at me" when you don't respond and see what she does with that. Tell her you're busy looking for a girlfriend who doesn't already have a boyfriend. The fact she complains about him all the time isn't a great sign about who she is that she'd stay there if she's that unhappy. She may be someone who is just never satisfied, so not sure I'd pursue her for romance anyway.

 

 

Do a slow fade.

 

Yeah I am not that into her, I am happy in the friend zone, I was just curious as to what her intentions might be.

[preraph]

It doesn't sound like her intentions are romantic, but it may be she's casual or careless enough to come on to you sometime. If you aren't interested, then you don't really have feelings at stake, so the parts that annoy you, you should say something, like, "Jeez every time I talk to you lately all you talk about it X. Could we please talk about something else?"