nerd5212 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 (edited) Hi All, I just registered an account so I can ask you wonderful experts here a dilemma I am facing (Well no longer a dilemma I just want to verify my conclusion). To start off, I work at an IT company and as you can probably imagine I could be described as nerdy. I work in a building that shares offices with a few other tech companies and I am friends with some of the guys in the other company. Well there is someone in an office next to mine who I found cute, say a year ago. I've told my friends who work with her and they've been pushing me to hang out with her and invited her to hang out with them and me. As a very brief description of her, she is also introverted, and doesn't really go out without her office friends. I actually don't think I've ever seen her go out without them. She mostly stays at home, and never really eats out, at least from what I've learned after talking with her about the nearby restaurants/bars and she didn't know what they were. I actually found this cute, but anyway going back to the story. I was really busy last year because we are startup, and haven't had much time to hang out. Whenever I did however, it went pretty well. We had some awkward silences/conversations (she is also introverted like me and it's sometimes hard to have a conversation with her because I feel like a wimp sometimes around her) but for the most part I thought it was good, and so did my friends. This year I have been more free and I hung out more with them. At the last party we had, we chatted quite a bit and I enjoyed talking with her. My friends said we probably spent 99% of the time talking to each other than to the other people there. I was going to ask her out then but then she left before I could say good bye. I thought she may have felt the same about me after talking to her but the not saying goodbye made me start wondering if she was really into me. I've seen her in our shared building afterwards and we joked a bit here and there and well I finally got the courage to try asking her via text. I bought tickets and invited her through text to see a movie, that she had previously mentioned she really wanted to see. It took her a while to text back, (~2 hours) but she said she was really excited and was looking forward to seeing it and how much the tickets were. This got me excited and I asked her if she wanted to grab dinner beforehand with me, and a friend from another office who told me he's going to the movie too and wanted to eat something before (not her company but in another company who she is also mutual friends with). I also said to not worry about the ticket price, I got it covered since they're pretty cheap anyway. Well she replied back saying she will just eat at home and meet me at the movie and she will write me a check for the movie ticket (for $13 that is). So now it sucks and I feel kinda sh*tty but I'm pretty much convinced that she doesn't feel the same about me and I should move on. There's some little doubt that maybe I am wrong and she is just introverted and doesn't like going out. However if I liked someone, I would try to hang out with them more so I think I may just be trying to rationalize that she is still interested. Sorry for the long rambling post, I'm a nerd and not good at writing this stuff. I just want to see what ya'll suggest and if I should just move on and whether I should still go or not go with her. Edited February 20, 2017 by nerd5212 Edit title Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Money equals power. Her desire to pay for her own movie ticket could be her way of keeping this platonic or a way to draw a line in the sand to say she's not beholden to you. Because she is a shy, introverted, IT nerd too I'm loath to conclude that she doesn't like you although I will consider that is probable. She may need some more time to warm up to you. Sudden bold moves, which is usually my advice, won't work here. She needs you to prove your integrity. Throw out a few more safe, daytime, non threatening, no pressure opportunities to spend time with her & see how that goes. If you don't see her soften then conclude that she does not have romantic feelings toward you. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Dude, don't worry about the money thing. That she wants to pay her own way is a good thing for you. Take her out again and then if nothing happens send her a text saying you are very interested in seeing her again but you aren't good at reading vibes. (Most people aren't. ) you want to know if you're being too pushy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Go ahead and let her pay if she insists. It would be wrong to tell her that you won't let her pay because it probably is because she doesn't want to feel obligated. But on the off-chance that she isn't sure why you're asking her out or if it's just buddies who work together, let her pay, and then go out and just see how it goes. Be a gentleman. Put your hand on her back to guide her to your seats, momentarily -- don't leave it there. Just see how she reacts to that. See if she is careful to avoid touching you once you sit together or if she lets herself be up next to you or not. Maybe if it's not too awkward at the end of the date, ask her if she'd like to go out again or if it's too weird since you work together. Give her that "out" so that if she's not interested, she can say, "Yeah, it's weird since we work together" or "Yeah, we can be friends" or if she says "I'd love to go out with you again. " If things aren't too awkward, give her a hug goodbye, not a kiss unless she's been cuddling at the movie. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 This got me excited and I asked her if she wanted to grab dinner beforehand with me, and a friend from another office who told me he's going to the movie too and wanted to eat something before (not her company but in another company who she is also mutual friends with). ^ I think you screwed up here. You asked her out to a movie, she said yes, and then you asked her out to something else first - kind of bait and switch. On top of that, you voluntarily brought in a third wheel, which is a sign of friendship rather than romantic interest. I just want to see what ya'll suggest and if I should just move on and whether I should still go or not go with her. You're asking if you should stand her up. Think about that for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nerd5212 Posted February 21, 2017 Author Share Posted February 21, 2017 ^ I think you screwed up here. You asked her out to a movie, she said yes, and then you asked her out to something else first - kind of bait and switch. On top of that, you voluntarily brought in a third wheel, which is a sign of friendship rather than romantic interest. You're asking if you should stand her up. Think about that for a bit. OK I guess I didn't view it from that perspective. As I mentioned in my original post, I'm a nerd and mentally challenged when it comes to these sorts of things . She didn't reply until the next day and I thought that she just wasn't interested originally. I didn't think of it as a bait and switch with dinner and then friendship thing, I can now see how I screwed up. Also, the last line was just some rambling that I wrote as I was writing it down. Yes, it would be a total loser move to stand her up so I won't. Thanks for pointing out how sh*tty that would be and how I screwed up bluefeather, I didn't think about that. Thanks for the suggestions everyone, I'll go to the movie with her and see how it goes from there. I'm not really a touchy person (unless I have a drink or two) and I don't think she is either so I may just avoid to not creep her out (which would be the worst possible outcome). I guess I'll just try asking her out on a date after the movie (again just us two together to a single event and no bait-switch thing) unless you guys suggest something else. Again sorry for rambling stuff and what not, I just plain suck at relationship things, it's much harder than 1's and 0's. I don't know if there's any resources or relationship for dummies book that would be helpful to check out. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 21, 2017 Share Posted February 21, 2017 Good luck and have fun Link to post Share on other sites
Author nerd5212 Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 Hey all, So I went to the movie and it was pretty good. However, there were 4 other people from our work area that also happened to buy a ticket for the same showing and went and sat with us, so we weren't completely alone. I didn't want to make her feel weird around them so I didn't ask her out. Afterwards, we all went out for drinks and I for some reason just felt awkward. I don't know what is but I sometimes get spurts of anxiety/awkwardness when I'm tired (I used to experience intense anxiety in social situations but since the severity has drastically reduced and I'm usually fine until I get tired), and I couldn't muster the strength to ask her. We talked for a bit though and then went home in our separate cars. I messaged her later that I had fun and she replied back thanking me for inviting her. So I replied back that we should do this again some other time and invited her to a play that some of my friends and I will go see in 2-3 weeks. However I haven't gotten any replies back afterwards (I messaged on Saturday so it's been over 24 hours). Then I realized maybe I should have asked to hang out alone with her and not a group setting. So did I blow it? Should I still try to ask her out when I see her in the office or is she not interested? As I mentioned earlier, I'm really stupid when it comes to this stuff and don't really know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 Everything new is a little awkward. So what. Don't over analyze too much. Keep moving forward. You'll know if she's interested or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 So did I blow it? From what you've said so far, it looks that way. I already told you, inviting a third person is a sign of friendship, and you did it again. y u no listen? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nerd5212 Posted February 27, 2017 Author Share Posted February 27, 2017 As I said, I am idiot about relationships. I didn't want to make it weird by only inviting her some place but I realize I made it weird by inviting her to something with others. I'm now debating just asking her out next time I see her alone, no matter how awkwardly I ask or how I make her feel to get a definitive answer but what do y'all suggest? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 A date means asking her and only her out. It's not that you're afraid to make it weird for her. You're afraid to make it weird for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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