I really like this girl but she wants a FWB only.

[ironpony]

Basically I met a woman online and we did a lot of talking before we actually met, mostly cause I was busy at the time. Later on, we finally met, went out had a great time and hooked up at the end of the night.

 

The second date, we did the same thing, but I noticed it wasn't as good as the first for her, like something was off...

 

I texted her if she would like to hang out next weekend, later on, and she said that she thinks I am fun but we don't have enough common for dating. I just played it cool, and said that's cool, even though I was quite disappointed actually, since she was a lot of fun and really cool.

 

And then a few minutes later, she said that she thinks I am fun and attractive, and is interested in a friend with benefits if I am. So I said sure, we could do that.

 

A few days later I went over to her place and we hooked up. Even though I really like her, my plan was to get her to like me more, to hopefully get her to want to see me as dating material. Mainly I just gave her the best sex I could.

 

So far I went a day without calling or texting after, cause I want to play it cool, and maybe get her wanting more. But either way, I still had fun with her that night, even if she is just into the FWB thing. But I would like to attract her more and wanting to see me as more, if possible.

 

Is this a good way to go about it and keep giving her a fun time this way, since she thinks I am fun, or what do you think?

[Purepony]

If you keep this up eventually someone will develop feelings

It's a tough call because maybe there's an ex of she'll eventually find someone and blow you off

 

I would say it's a good starting point though, be polite and cool and keep her at arms length and most likely she will come around but it will take a while

 

I've had many fwb and most of the time after a while they want more but tables could also turn so be careful

[elaine567]

She has already told you you are not relationship material for her, she doesn't want "more" from you.

YOU have a fatal flaw, she thinks you two have little or nothing in common but she likes the sex, and that makes for great FWB material, as she then knows she will not get more invested in you and you can then stay in the "sex" box.

 

YOU are already invested and that is a a bad place to be for you.

YOU want more, YOU have or are about to develop feelings and YOU will get hurt.

[preraph]

She could be married or already have a real boyfriend or just not like to mix up her life with a man other than sex. I would just tell you what I tell all these silly girls on here who agree to a FWB relationship when that is not what they really want: Don't agree to it if it's not what you really want, and don't agree to it because it's all you can get. Keep looking.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. I've been to her place though, and she doesn't seem like she is married at all.

 

As for having a fatal flaw, she only went out twice with me before deciding on friends with benefits, so I thought maybe she rushed the decision, and I didn't really show her more sides to me, since we just went out and had a few laughs, and that was it. Plus when you say she liked the sex, she decided she wanted to hookup with me, before we even had sex, so in order for her to make that type of decision before we even had sex, was there something about me she liked other than sex before?

Edited February 11, 2017 by ironpony

[PrettyEmily77]

She clearly and unambiguously told you what she wanted, so it looks like you might be overthinking / wishful thinking this one slightly.

 

At this point, you should take her at her word and either accept the FWB proposition without any expectation or hope that the dynamic might change in the future if you think you can handle it and if that's what you want, or remove yourself from the situation altogether before someone (you) gets hurt.

[preraph]

Okay thanks. I've been to her place though, and she doesn't seem like she is married at all.

 

As for having a fatal flaw, she only went out twice with me before deciding on friends with benefits, so I thought maybe she rushed the decision, and I didn't really show her more sides to me, since we just went out and had a few laughs, and that was it. Plus when you say she liked the sex, she decided she wanted to hookup with me, before we even had sex, so in order for her to make that type of decision before we even had sex, was there something about me she liked other than sex before?

 

You said "before SHE decided on FWB." What about you? Did you just set your brain aside and let her call all the shots? Don't do that again. That tells me you were desperate for any crumbs from her and took whatever she offered. So now here you are.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. Do you think I should have just told her why I was relationship material then, and tried to debate it? Cause I thought if I did that, that might push her away more perhaps. If a woman says she doesn't think I am relationship material, how do I not let her call the shots on that one?

Edited February 11, 2017 by ironpony

[preraph]

Did she say you are not relationship material, or did she say "I don't want a relationship?" Very different things. I see she said you don't have enough in common to date. So if she thinks that, well, you've been around her long enough for her to know that, so I don't know that there's anything you can do but not agree to FWB if you're looking for a real girlfriend. And there are plenty of women out there looking for a real boyfriend if she isn't!!

[elaine567]

Okay thanks. Do you think I should have just told her why I was relationship material then, and tried to debate it?

 

No, I do not think you should try and debate it because she may then come out with some cold hard truths about you in the ensuing argument, that maybe you would rather not hear.

She is only offering FWB, you either agree or you don't.

[ironpony]

She told me this through text messaging and here is exactly what she said:

 

I do enjoy hanging out with you, but I'm not sure we have enough in common for anything to really come of it.

 

Then a few minutes later she wrote:

 

Although we could hook up if you wanted to

 

I said what is it about hanging out with me, and she said that I'm fun, caring, and have good manners.

 

So this is what she said exactly. Later on, after hooking up she wanted to do it again sometime, and just hook up it seems, so I assume she means FWB, even though she didn't actually say FWB. What does that say?

Edited February 11, 2017 by ironpony

[preraph]

Okay. Well, she said she doesn't think you have enough in common for it to come of anything, but she likes hanging out with you and apparently hooking up. She just sounds like she probably has some other interest and knows it's not you but is passing some time. If you are going to get hung up on her, don't do it. If you can enjoy just sex, then fine, but you're already invested or you wouldn't be on here having an issue with it. I bet anything she is hung up on some guy she's pursuing and trying to take a shot at. Most women do have one they're interested in and women are a bit more focused than most men, so it can stop them from being open to other relationships.

[ironpony]

Okay thanks. Well I guess maybe I just have more positivity and more faith when it comes to trying to pursue a woman and get her interested in me... I found this article on how to turn a FWB into a girlfriend, for example:

 

How To Make Her Want You As More Than Just A ?Friend With Benefits?

 

I guess I am just not the type who feels like giving up so easily, without even an attempt, when it comes to getting something I like. I mean for example, I took certain risks, when it came to moving out, buying a house, paying for school, or picking certain jobs, but I still took the risks, cause it was better than sitting in a corner, afraid of taking any chances.

 

Sure I could risk getting hurt, but I am willing to take the risk, rather than not risking it at all, and safeguarding myself so much. There are pleny of fish in the sea, but why should I only settle for safe fish, when there is a risky one that I like at the moment.

 

I guess I have maybe just more passsion and sportsmanship, when it comes to it, and can acccept losing better, rather than not trying at all?

[preraph]

Well, if you don't have anything better to do. But remember if you fool her into thinking you're someone you're not, she's going to find out because you can't keep that up forever. And then she'll just dump you.

[Nowty V]

why should I only settle for safe fish, when there is a risky one that I like at the moment.

 

Because the experience could tear you a new a$$*o*e and leave you a burbling mess, that's why.

 

whatever this girls trip is; you are not going to cure her and make her your ideal partner.

 

You don't know where she is at in her head and if you dig you could uncover a whole can of worms.

 

She's random, you've had your turn, now move on.

 

Beware of the abyss, there's Dragons down there.

Edited February 12, 2017 by Nowty V

[stillafool]

Okay thanks. Well I guess maybe I just have more positivity and more faith when it comes to trying to pursue a woman and get her interested in me... I found this article on how to turn a FWB into a girlfriend, for example:

 

How To Make Her Want You As More Than Just A ?Friend With Benefits?

 

I guess I am just not the type who feels like giving up so easily, without even an attempt, when it comes to getting something I like. I mean for example, I took certain risks, when it came to moving out, buying a house, paying for school, or picking certain jobs, but I still took the risks, cause it was better than sitting in a corner, afraid of taking any chances.

 

Sure I could risk getting hurt, but I am willing to take the risk, rather than not risking it at all, and safeguarding myself so much. There are pleny of fish in the sea, but why should I only settle for safe fish, when there is a risky one that I like at the moment.

 

I guess I have maybe just more passsion and sportsmanship, when it comes to it, and can acccept losing better, rather than not trying at all?

 

So you are going to beat your head against the wall because she is hard to get, you feel rejected and are intent on making her fall for you. That is a waste of your time. If you want to accept her choice, enjoy the sex and move on with your life you will be a lot less frustrated.

[PrettyEmily77]

So you've decided to go all guns blazing and win her heart with perseverance; it would be romantic but for the fact that she explicitly told you she did not want a full-blown relationship with you - so under the circumstances, wouldn't it not be best to respect her wishes?

 

Sure, persistence pays sometimes. Not very often, though...

[ironpony]

I guess I feel more positive about it. I mean I read that statistically, 47% of friends with benefits, turn into relationships.

 

So if that's true, it's not like the odds are that low. People on here seem to act like a person is incapable of changing their minds.

 

Plus I was in a FWB situation before, where the woman developed feelings for me. I didn't intend for her too, and it was unintentional. So I figure, if I was able to make a woman change her mind accidentally, perhaps I there is a fair chance, I could do it intentionally.

[Nowty V]

perhaps I there is a fair chance, I could do it intentionally.

 

Oh Brother...

 

The naivety of youth.

 

Get back to me when it's all rosy, flowers in the garden and a white picket fence..

[ironpony]

I guess I am just willing to give it a shot, just in case. If not, then I will accept it and move on. I already got another date this week, and still am keeping my options open.

Edited February 13, 2017 by ironpony

[mightycpa]

For your sake, don't see her a lot. Just once every three or four weeks or so, and date (meaning go out with and have sex with) a lot of other girls in the meantime.

 

Make yourself too available, and you'll lose whatever little advantage you currently possess. Oh, and don't push for dating or emotional affection. That's the quickest way to get thrown overboard.

[stillafool]

I guess I am just willing to give it a shot, just in case. If not, then I will accept it and move on. I already got another date this week, and still am keeping my options open.

 

What is so special about this girl that you cannot find another?

[Miss Peach]

I'm not sure your plan will work OP. The good news is that I tend to see guys grow on women more than women grow on men. And many women find sex bonding after awhile.

 

But the bad news is she put you in the sex category. I'm likely to believe you have a fatal flaw for her so nothing more will come of it.

[ironpony]

What is so special about this girl that you cannot find another?

 

I just think she has a really good head on her shoulders, and she's really funny and charming. She's a lot of fun to be with so far.

 

I'm not sure your plan will work OP. The good news is that I tend to see guys grow on women more than women grow on men. And many women find sex bonding after awhile.

 

But the bad news is she put you in the sex category. I'm likely to believe you have a fatal flaw for her so nothing more will come of it.

 

Well before I was in a similar situation where me and this other woman agreed to be FWBs, but then later on she CHANGED HER MIND, and developed feelings for me, and we stopped. So when people say it's impossible for me to change a woman's mind, well I did before and it happened. I didn't do it on purpose, but it is possible, and my previous FWB experience confirms that it can be done.

 

So maybe I am more open to it, than others because of that?

[ironpony]

Well I have been thinking about it and yeah, maybe she is just going to be any more interested and I should just forget about it

 

 

After reading this quote again:

 

You said "before SHE decided on FWB." What about you? Did you just set your brain aside and let her call all the shots? Don't do that again. That tells me you were desperate for any crumbs from her and took whatever she offered. So now here you are.

 

I was wondering, if a woman asks me this again in the future, and I want more, are you saying that telling her I want more, instead of agreeing to a fling, will attract her more right off the bat, rather than agreeing to a fling?