What do I do

[Matthew mann]

So they's this amazing woman I'm Madley in love with. We started dating when she was pregnant to her ex's baby early 2016 Everything seemed fine until about 4 months ago when I just wasn't good enough and she decided to have a brake but still be there in the day time to see the baby. After 3 months of a brake I started pushing for a decision so I knew where I stood she kept replying with "I don't know cos I'm not black and white like you". So I decided to give her some space, within a week of giving her space she decided we was too different and can't be lovers but to still keep a bond with the now 8 month girl who I've been their for since birth by going to her house hanging out and going places with them. So basically it looks like we're a happy family but I go home at night. People say I'm being used but I don't feel that way because she always goes out of her way to help me with anything and everything and I rarely get the chance to return the help, but she without a doubt has me around her finger. I still love her but she doesn't seem to be interested that way and because I don't want to be technically single all my life I don't know what to do eg if I find someone new then my new partner won't be happy my ex is in constant touch with me wanting me to come to hers, nor do I think she will like me always seeing me ex's daughter when she's not mine, this makes it almost impossible to move on with my life. And let's say I do find someone new who isn't put off and a few years down the line have kids. The last thing I want to do is brake my ex'es kids heart because I can't really see her anymore less importantly it'll brake my heart because I love her like she's my own. I feel I'm in such a mess it seems the only way out is to die! What dother I do?

[preraph]

So she's not interested in sleeping with you? Do you kiss and makeout, or do you just not do any of that? If you kiss and makeout a little, that is romantic interest. If not, I would say she isn't attracted that way to you. Now, having a baby can put you off your feed for some time sexually, and for many different reasons. But if she has never, even while pregnant, had sex with you or made out with you, then I don't think she is ever going to be anything but a friend. I'm not saying she's using you. I just think she is your friend.

 

I know you're attached to the baby, and how sweet is that, but the younger the baby is when you leave, it won't have a problem with it, whereas if you stay and it's two or three and then leave, it would miss you. So better to leave while it's this young, really.

 

I would ask her straight up, Hey, should I be dating? Is that what you want, for me to just be friends and date someone else? I mean, make her be frank about that. I feel if she doesn't know what she wants, you need to take action anyway, because usually someone who "isn't sure" they want to be with you doesn't want to very bad at all.

[anuba]

I think she knows what she wants... Secure company from you and a happy family appearance when you are out together, but no romantic commitment.

 

She will likely move on and put an end to things when she finds someone she wants romance with...

 

As preraph said, ask what her intentions are, no sense putting yourself through this for nothing.

[kgcolonel]

My suggestion here is that you need to separate your lives. The 8 month old will soon forget you and this is likely for the better. You're not the father, in reality I bet you're really hanging on for hoping that she'll change her mind. The older the child grows, the more the child will see you as the father and that will keep you attached to someone who is looking for something completely different from what you're looking for. This will deter you from moving on.

 

You need to do this yesterday before more attachment is made by both you and the baby.

 

JMHO

[saltandlight828]

Hey, you sound like you have a really great heart and are very a kind man. From what you have said it sounds like she does not want to have the same kind of relationship you do and it may be best to move on. I understand it will be so hard because you love her child but it will ultimately be best for the child. Your ex likes having you around now but what happens when she starts dating someone else and she wants him to act as the father figure? What happens then? It sounds like it would be best for you to cut ties, heal, and begin looking for someone who wants the same outcome you do, marriage and a family. I am sorry you are going through this and I am sure it is very draining. You are not alone and you will be okay, just give it time