Very tricky relationship

[Veljpoeka]

Hello,

 

I am a 18 years (in may 19) old boy from eastern Finland. So I apologize my english in advance. This is going to be a long story, so I appreciate it if you can read it to the end and/or reply. Thank you

 

So, there's this girl, Olga who is 17 years old and 18 in june (not her real name of course. Her's is more unique and rare). She works voluntarily in the same place as me. We are so called "youth leaders". We train other young people, who have had their confirmation to the church, to the same job as we do. There's a small group of us youth leaders now, around 20. So we are very good friends with each other in the group. We occasionally have parties, like when is someones birthday or just for the sake partying and drinking. In october 2016 we rented a cabin to party in. We had the time of our lives there and the group came more close. I got a crush on Olga that weekend at the cabin, but I didn't have the guts to talk to her yet.

 

At the start of december we added each other on Snapchat and started to talk to each other extremely much. We immediately got a bestie streak going and all. We could talk about everything and we enjoyed each others company alot, and I started to more and more like her, until I was completely in love. At new year we still were great friends and nothing had changed. But after few weeks we got in a conversation about relationships and dating. She then said something like: "Sometimes our group gets a little too close which causes some people start dating each other". I panicked because I thought she doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone from the group. I talked to my best friend about her. She adviced that I need to tell Olga my feelings asap. So I went walking outside, called Olga and told her my feelings. She told me that she likes me very much too. I had never been happier in my life. We discussed about going on a date, and she agreed. We both wanted to see La La Land, so I booked tickets for next weeks saturday.

 

The next week was exam week in school. We didn't talk so much at that time because she needed to concentrate on the exams. I only had 2 exams, because I'm a senior and don't have much courses anymore. We didn't talk about the date at all.

 

Saturday morning I started checking on possible open cafeteria just before the movie, there was one place that would've been open at that time, but Olga told me she hated that place and that it gives her anxiety, so we didn't go. So we just went to see the movie, we agreed that we'll meet 30 minutes before the movie (which started 7.40pm), but I was late because I couldn't find a parking space. I was there 7.25pm, but luckily she wasn't mad. We went in to the theatre and started talking about basic stuff, like school. We shared a lot of laughs and were enjoying each others company, at least it seemed that way. We watched the movie and we both loved it, I cried a little, like I always do in emotional films. My car was parked quite far, but the walking trip went pretty fast because we talked so much. So we started driving to her place.

 

We talked in the car very much, I didn't want the drive to end at all, but she lived pretty close so it was short. She said she had fun with me and thanked me for the movie. I said that we should do this more often and see each other more in general. She just smiled widely at me and I thought she agreed that way (I think she really did). I stayed to watch as she walked to her door and got in. Then I left. You wouldn't believe how happy I was, I cried tiers of joy during the drive to my home and sang the "City Of Stars" which was in La La Land. When I got home, me and Olga started talking about the movie.

 

It started to get close to midnight, when she sent me a message. It went like this: "Do you think that we have something going on between us?", And I answered: "Yes I do. You know that I like you very much, and I want more between us". She told me: "I like you very much too, but I can't have a relationship with you. If people get too close to me I get anxiety and I get depressed". She said she has felt that way for 4 years already and from various things. For example the cafeteria. She said to me that I truly understand her and that she enjoys my company. But she said that If I cannot distinguish my feelings against her, she has to take some distance from me. I told her that I can't, atleast in a long time, because I know she likes me much too, but her depression doesn't let us go any further.

 

So it's been 24 hours of it now. I haven't slept, eaten or drank at all. I have only cried the entire time. I want to let go, but I just can not! I have so many questions running through my mind!

 

Why did she show that she was interested at all, if she knew she couldn't let me close?

Does she still like me, but she just doesn't want me to get hurt?

Is she scared to have a relationship with me, because she has never dated properly before, and only had bad and short relationships?

Why did she give me so mixed emotions, and didn't tell about her problem immediately?

 

I just can not bear this, it's tearing me apart.

I am horrible at school, awful grades from everything. The hopes of me and Olga having a relationship kept my will of living up, but now I don't know what to do anymore. I have nothing no more, no future whatsoever.

 

P.s I have almost committed suicide and I think it every day. Thank god I haven't had the balls.

Edited February 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~6

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. You are right, she should not have agreed to the date if she wasn't ready to date.

 

I do sympathize with your situation, but it is concerning that all you hopes and dreams rest on this one girl. That can't be healthy for you. Don't you want other things in life, like a career, fun hobbies or travel?

 

If you are feeling suicidal and need help, please talk to your doctor or your family. They will want to support you. Don't suffer in silence and please don't hurt yourself.

[duncsvoice]

When I was courting my ex, and subsequently fell in love with her, she said exactly the same. Liked me, but couldn't be with me because of her depression, anxiety etc.

 

I, like you, felt absolutely miserable about it. So I persisted and tried to change her mind which I eventually did.

 

Three years later I left the relationship absolutely reeling from one of the most toxic, damaging environments I'd ever been in.

 

Of course, every one is different. But if the same situation came up for me again, I'd consider it a bullet dodged, no matter how much I liked the girl.

 

Good luck, you're young, there'll be others.

[Veljpoeka]

Don't worry, I won't hurt myself.

Today we had a meeting with the youth leader group and Olga came there too. I tried to greet her when we looked at each other, but she quickly turned her head. It was very awkward in the meeting. She clearly avoided looking at me. It wad hard not to look at her, especially because my pair who I train with sat right next to her. So Olga knew I occasionally looked at her.

I've set my current goal to successfully greet her. I think that would give a positive picture of me to her. I miss our friendship that we had before I told her my feelings. Tenth day this month one boy from our group is going to turn 18 and he will have a party, where he has invited everyone from the group, Olga is going.

What should I do next, and should I go to the party or not? I think that if I go, both of us will have a good time separately. And maybe we'll even talk to each other drunk.

[dydimus2017]

hi..Im divorced for 19 years..and recently went to a church...walked in..and made myself...a distance from others..cause of past hurts..with women..

after attending this church..for 2 times..a lovely woman came up to me..when i was sitting in the back..and told me God told her im hurting...

she is right....during our chat..I told her i have a lust and temptation problem..(she is brunnette..and stunning.plus she sings in the worship team)..shes incredibly sexy!

she also giggled when i complimented her on her low cleavage..while we were talking quicky...

she then asked me to sit in front..I hesitated..but she also gave me a "much wanted" hug the next time i saw her..I sat in row 2nd from the front..and noticed during worship..she kept on looking at me..and i got..."turned on a bit"..

I....sit where she can see me....and her husband sits next to me..she told me earlier..she wants me to be "part of the family..to feel loved!"..

 

How do I deal with this....as I dont want to get involved with something naughty....but she may help me to get rid of my .."hurt"...any suggestions....

I am 65...and have a slight beard..which I noticed..attracts many woman..Im slim..of good build....white guy..and been at many churches..but never found love...