Being the 3rd person in a relationship

[Dorieeee]

Hi guys,

 

Please put aside your judges and read my story first.

 

So I've known this guy 1 year ago. At first, we started as friends. 2 months later, it was something more than friends; he kissed me and hold my hands while we were in a cinema.

 

However, he already had a girlfriend. They've been in a long-distance relationship coz she's studying aboard. He has never denied about that. Our classmates all know about him and his girlfriend.

 

Thing is getting more and more complicated as he said he loved me. There are so many time I wanted to back off, coz I cannot take it when thinking that Im the 3rd person in his relationship. I have my ego too

However, he always kept going back to me. He said he didn't want me to leave him. And to be honest, leaving him was painful to me, coz I... love him too

 

So I've been in a kind of relationship that we have to hide it from everyone. At school, no one knows about our secret relationship. He never hold my hands or showed any intimacy to me like he does when we're in private places.

 

He's been very kind, caring, and sweet to me but he never called me "girlfriend". I'm like someone between a girlfriend and a best friend to him.

 

Recently, he told me that his relationship with his girlfriend is falling apart coz they cannot get along with each other anymore, due to the long distance. He said they are on a break now and his girlfriend is in the process to break up. Again, he asked me to stay with him, as his girlfriend is the one who's gonna leave.

 

But I can tell that his girlfriend is very clingy. Even he isn't sure about when their break would end.

 

I've been so depressed about this matter. And there is one big question here: AM I BEING USED FOR THE INTIMACY THAT HE'S NOT GETTING FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND? This thought is killing me a lot. Please gimme your opions about this situation.

 

Thank you for stopping by

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Edited December 3, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[elaine567]

YOU are the Other woman, the OW.

 

Please read the post quoted below. This is about cheating in marriage but the principles are the same here.

Then check out the Other Woman part of the forum, your story is not special, it happens all the time. Of course he is using you for sex, the sex he is not getting in his LDR.

If he really loved you he would have dumped the gf and you would not be his dirty little secret.

 

This is my message here in a nutshell. They should pin this post at the top of this section.

 

The problem when it comes to MW/OW who get involved with MM is that women just don't understand how the male mind works, they too often mistakingly think our minds operate like a female mind. It doesn't. In order for a MW to get involved (generally) there has to be a perceived issue in the marriage real or made up, she then has to create a distance between her and her husband/boyfriend. Like a scale she has to take away from the husband to give to MM both physically and emotionally. It simply isn't the case with men. Most MM never change how they view their wives or marriages. The MW/OW is in addition too and not instead of.

 

MW often search for a deeper connection and will use sex to maintain it once the think they've found it, with the goal being the connection and not the sex, where as MM will use the promise of possibilities to get sex. It's a perfect formula, and when a woman becomes blinded with infatuation with the possibilities they miss all the signs. Only once the spell is broken do they see his true nature and the nature of that relationship.

[major_merrick]

Yeah, I'd have to say you are the "Other Woman."

 

There's a difference between being the "3rd person" and being the "something on the side." I'm in a triad relationship. I have two GF's. We all sleep together, we're all attached to each other. It may be unusual, but it works. There's no "secret third" going on. That's the difference.

 

So... you have a decision to make. Do you want to be the secret, and hope that maybe he'll pick you over his absent GF? Or do you want to try and convert things to a triad relationship later if you and his GF can get something going? Or keep it a temporary FWB situation? Or leave?

 

Unfortunately, none of your options at this point are easy since you have gotten emotionally involved in this.

[Survivor12]

They aren't married. If he loves you & wants to be with you, there is nothing to stop him from breaking up with his gf, but he hasn't. Thats all you need to know.

 

Respect yourself & find a guy who does care about you & you don't have to sneak around to be with.