Best Friends

[RebelSoul]

Backstory: Divorced and ready to move on. I met a guy and have known him for about a year now and we are super close. We did go out once and slept together, but he said he didn't feel a spark and he only sees me as a friend.

 

He has never been in a long term relationship and is used to casual dating. We click, get along very well, are into the same things, talk constantly, hang out, and can talk to each other about everything and anything. Regardless of if it ever evolves into something more, we would still be and are friends regardless.

 

I go to counseling and my counselor's thoughts are that he's scared, doesn't know how he feels, doesn't know what it's like to have feelings for someone, etc. She said the spark thing doesn't necessarily happen for everyone (personally I haven't ever felt it about anyone, lol). I don't know what to think.

 

For now I'm going with the flow and whatever happens, happens. But I was just curious on an outside opinion.

[preraph]

What I think is that he's just nowhere near mature enough or ready for a commitment of any kind. And some people never are, so you don't WAIT for it.

 

He's only slept with you once. He doesn't feel a spark. That means he's not really very physically attracted to you. So he's probably not ever going to be.

 

I mean, by far the best thing to do is simply start dating around. I can predict that he may even act jealous because I've had guys who didn't want me for keeps get really jealous when they had to share my attention. I wish I could wave a wand and make you understand that even when that happens, it's still not about you. It's about them and their limitations and their maturity level and not having the capacity for a whole relationship. The jealous part is about their ego because what they are getting from hanging around a woman they don't want is validation that someone thinks they're hot or desirable or whatever. It pumps them up to go chase OTHER women.

 

So please just do yourself a big favor and instead of wasting a bunch of time here to see if he magically becomes super attracted to you and flips some switch, just start dating other guys, and go out with your girlfriends and meet people and expand your whole social network. Good luck.

[RebelSoul]

What I think is that he's just nowhere near mature enough or ready for a commitment of any kind. And some people never are, so you don't WAIT for it.

 

He's only slept with you once. He doesn't feel a spark. That means he's not really very physically attracted to you. So he's probably not ever going to be.

 

I mean, by far the best thing to do is simply start dating around. I can predict that he may even act jealous because I've had guys who didn't want me for keeps get really jealous when they had to share my attention. I wish I could wave a wand and make you understand that even when that happens, it's still not about you. It's about them and their limitations and their maturity level and not having the capacity for a whole relationship. The jealous part is about their ego because what they are getting from hanging around a woman they don't want is validation that someone thinks they're hot or desirable or whatever. It pumps them up to go chase OTHER women.

 

So please just do yourself a big favor and instead of wasting a bunch of time here to see if he magically becomes super attracted to you and flips some switch, just start dating other guys, and go out with your girlfriends and meet people and expand your whole social network. Good luck.

 

Thank you for the advice, that's exactly what I'm doing. I asked him if he ever had liked me as more than a friend and he said no never more than a friend. He lead me on for a while, and I ultimately got hurt...again. Am I surprised? No. Am I surprised he did that to me? Absolutely.

His loss, I'm moving on with my life but we're still going to be friends and I'm not wasting any more energy in hoping it will turn into something more.

Maybe he'll mature one day for someone...maybe.