Fwb

[Shabba888]

Hi don't really have many guy friends so hoping you guys can help enlighten me. Apologies for length

 

Started FWB situation with a guy about a year ago.. both separated from long term relationships. He said he was heartbroken. We met online so weren't really friends before we embarked on this

 

We had great sex and chemistry.. started usual way in the sense we would just hook up quite often, as time went on it included take out and conversations. Including personal stuff re family, friends work

 

Approx 4-5 months in he started suggesting going out for food.

On one particular occasion he said he wanted to go out for dinner but made a point of saying 'we don't always have to have sex do we?'

 

During this dinner he made a point of saying to me how he really wants a relationships..even kids but is busy with work..

I (perhaps stupidly) took that as a hint towards me. I mean why would you make a point of not hooking up and taking someone out to eat? Anyway I liked him whilst happy to continue FWB I was also willing to consider giving it a shot. I suggested why don't we try nothing serious

His response was that he was suprised..and that whilst he's not saying no and not scared of commitment he needed time to think.

 

I have never brought it up since but we continued to hook up about every month (go out for dinner and sex) until last hook up around 5 months ago. But we were still in contact a bit of flirting/sexting

 

Around that time he changed a little... decided he wanted a 3some with me kept bringing it up a fair bit- I said no. He wanted to know about other guys I was hooking up with saying it would turn him on.. whilst I had been on multiple first dates I only hooked up with one guy, didn't last long but the FWB wanted to know details and why it didn't work out etc. I still don't really know if it genuinely turned him on or whether it's a ploy to get info out of me as I was v reluctant to dish details initially. In the end Around 2 months ago he stopped asking about 3some.

 

I didn't mention earlier on how he could be hot and cold with his contact.. sometimes he would be like let's meet X day and time and then wouldn't reply to txt confirming it, other times he just wouldn't respond. When I brought it up with him once he said he knows he is rubbish and his sisters stop replying to him because of it..

 

I always felt a bit scared of asking him/communicating what I'm thinking because I thought I'd freak him out. Whilst I like him I am still happy with FWB

 

Anyway it got to a point I decided As he was flaky with contact I wasn't going to bother making effort and move on. I presumed it ended as we hadn't hooked up for 4 months and he had only dragged this out because he thought he could get a 3some. Didn't have a convo with him as I thought what's the point action is clear..

 

Randomly about a month ago he gets intouch saying he wants to meet for food. So that's what we did literally meet for food and we didn't hook up. He asked me if I was seeing anyone i said no and he said neither is he, and he finds it difficult to meet someone he gets on with. He spoke about his family etc he wasn't flirty nor did he bring up the 3some. He even suggested that we should go to gym together (and even said let's do it tomorrow)..as I know he is flaky I said to him if he wanted to, to get in touch.. and I never contacted him

 

That confused me..I don't really get him..if we aren't hooking up why would he get in touch..? Does he just want to hang out as friends..that's not a guy thing to do..do you think he's playing mind games/am I just an ego boost as he knew I liked him..

 

Also forgot to mention inbetween our meet ups right from start- we barely get in touch, perhaps odd message no phonecalls. But when we meet in person we chat and get on he speaks openly about his life even about his mom who passed away recently. So I get confused surely you don't get this personal with FWB? But then how can you not contact someone for a month whom you *may* be interested in..

 

I bumped into him (we live near each other)a few days back,. he made a point of saying we should hook up for food again soon and said twice that *I* should get intouch to plan. Suprised he said that as he never has before.. I jokingly said I don't bother getting intouch as he's so flaky but he replied saying he would.

I'm in 2 minds to whether I should initiate contact.. part of me wonders whether he's wondering why I haven't made effort. Why does he want to keep intouch?

He always said the sex was great (last said 2 months ago) so I don't understand why he's gone cold turkey. As someone said if it's offered on a silver platter a guy will never say no..

 

My friends think he's maybe thinking of something more serious but is confused/scared to commit at the moment and wondering why I'm not making more effort I wonder whether he's lost interest and just wants a friend..

 

I know the simple thing is to ask him, which I will have to do at some point as I need to know if this is over, it's sooois confusing but I hate confrontations

Also worried �� may interpret things wrong esp how he reacted to the whole why don't we give this a shot as I thought it was a hint..

 

Thanks guys. My first FWB and only been in 1 serious relationship before so a bit rubbish at this

Edited November 23, 2016 by Shabba888
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[LargoLagg]

Here's the best advice you'll ever receive about this. You need to decide if you're an FWB or not. This entails two things, sex and friendship.

 

If all you want is to **** every once in a while, stop going out for food and conversation. Realize that you don't want his companionship and tell him so. Tell him he's just a **** to you.

 

If you don't mind having a friend, and you can handle switching back and forth between companionship and ****ing, then do that. It seems you can't but maybe you're just too worried about what he wants, and not worried enough what you want. Forget what he wants. That's his problem.

 

If you think that you're going to confuse friendship with love, then stop seeing him altogether, or go back to option 1.

 

If you want a boyfriend out of this, also stop seeing him entirely. You've probably poisoned that well by starting out as FWB.

 

One way or another, you've got to be clear about what it is you want, and act accordingly. Whatever road you choose, that's who you're going to be for him.

[Shabba888]

Here's the best advice you'll ever receive about this. You need to decide if you're an FWB or not. This entails two things, sex and friendship.

 

If all you want is to **** every once in a while, stop going out for food and conversation. Realize that you don't want his companionship and tell him so. Tell him he's just a **** to you.

 

If you don't mind having a friend, and you can handle switching back and forth between companionship and ****ing, then do that. It seems you can't but maybe you're just too worried about what he wants, and not worried enough what you want. Forget what he wants. That's his problem.

 

If you think that you're going to confuse friendship with love, then stop seeing him altogether, or go back to option 1.

 

If you want a boyfriend out of this, also stop seeing him entirely. You've probably poisoned that well by starting out as FWB.

 

One way or another, you've got to be clear about what it is you want, and act accordingly. Whatever road you choose, that's who you're going to be for him.

 

Brutal but sound advice.

I'm the kind of person in which I don't like to hurt/upset ppl. Walk over material I suppose..

But you are right I just need to decide and action plan.

Thank you

Edited November 24, 2016 by Shabba888
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