JennySmithson05 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 Hi there. I've been with a woman off and on for three years. She and I broke it off a few times (each time it was her). After the last time, she said that the only way she would consider doing stuff with me again is if its an open relationship. I was VERY hesitant. I didn't like this idea at all. I fell very hard for her. So the idea that it would be ok with others, very difficult. However...the thought of still being able to have some part of her, I had to say yes. Well, things kind of started slow. Neither one of us have fully been with someone else. She has done everything but full on sex now. And I'm really falling apart. I had asked her to take exes off the table. There are two of them who would marry her right now if they could. She claims that I'm the "main" person, however this one ex, is someone who she really wants to have sex with. I feel that she's putting way too much power at his feet. Especially since they are supposed to just be fk buddies. He was gone for a month for work and during that time, she and I hung out every night. Some nights just as friends. Well, he's back now. And she's already telling me that maybe she and I should have a night or two where we don't hang out. Yet, he's still able to hang out with her. I'm at a loss. I don't want to lose her, yet I can't take this. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 You lost her when she asked for an open relationship. End this. Its not what you truly want and she's just trying to have her cake and eat it too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JennySmithson05 Posted November 16, 2016 Author Share Posted November 16, 2016 I do agree with you. It's just incredibly hard. We have days where its like we are so happy and together. But now with this guy back in town, I feel the shift happening. She tells me it won't happen. And that I'm her main person. Well, the main person shouldn't be freaking out when the girl tells him that the nights we hang out might have to become less. Also, she's my best friend. I'm not sure how to navigate through this without losing her as my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 It is crazy for you to put up with this. The only way open relationships work is when both people truly desire that kind of relationship. Even then both people agree to ground rules and respect each other's feelings regarding prospective partners and level of involvement. Your gf is showing you no respect and giving no consideration to your feelings at all. She clearly doesn't understand how an open relationship works. Since you don't even want an open relationship this is more like open cheating. She is taking advantage of your weakness for her. This is going to fail in an epic way. She is going to end up getting emotionally involved with someone else (if she's not already) and you are going to hang on until there is nothing left, not even your self respect. By the time this finally ends you are going to be bitter, broken and jaded. I suggest you end your relationship with her right now. Sure it's going to hurt a lot but that hurt doesn't last forever. You will get over it and eventually find someone more suitable for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 I do agree with you. It's just incredibly hard. We have days where its like we are so happy and together. But now with this guy back in town, I feel the shift happening. She tells me it won't happen. And that I'm her main person. Well, the main person shouldn't be freaking out when the girl tells him that the nights we hang out might have to become less. Also, she's my best friend. I'm not sure how to navigate through this without losing her as my friend. You wouldn't be freaking out if you were the type of person who wants an open relationship. Which is why you should not have agreed to it. Find a new best friend. She doesn't seem to think very much of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Please, just have some balls and end it. She is jerking you around. She wants multiple sex partners and esp wants her ex. You may get some pity sex and that is about it. You know if that is what she wants just let her go. You obviously don't want that. Like JewelD said, you were done when you said yes to the open relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BalanceRight Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 I feel for you as I have been in a similar situation. I know how hard it is to end the relationship, but you deserve better. True, mature love doesn't ask for an open relationship and doesn't see other people. The only advice that helped me redirect my hurt was to "focus on becoming the person that you want to attract". Link to post Share on other sites
Superchicken Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 Hmmmm. let me put it this way. You have had a nice car for a while. But now its developed engine trouble. Well, do you : a) Keep driving it, and accept all the breakdowns and disappointments. b) Try and have it repaired, and keep driving it, but spend money doing it. c) Look for a NEW CAR !, with that NEW CAR smell and feel.. Hmmm, cant be to hard to decide on A NEW CAR when you keep trying to fix you old one... Dump that old model, and move on. There are many cars out their all with different mileage (And colours, lets not be racist !).. Ted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Sorry but you've already lost her and, quite frankly, she doesn't sound worth having. Who wants to share their girlfriend with other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
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