Should I move on? I hate this situation

[AJ27k]

I have a situation that just doesn't sit right, really not too sure what I should. My mind tells me to move on but my heart tells me not to lose hope. I really don't know and have been sad over this.

 

So I met a girl halfway though my undergrad university. When I first met her, she was in a relationship and I was single. She liked talking to me and hanging out every now and then. I really was crazy for her initially but I eventually just accepted she was taken and we became decent friends. Fast forward a year, she broke up with her boyfriend but I was in a relationship. She clearly was into me, it was difficult. I actually thought long and hard about breaking up with the girl I was dating at that time and go out with her, but I never did. I still to this day regret this. Eventually we'd get to a point where things became mostly platonic for a 4 year stretch. I say mostly because there were some occasions where I felt feelings past friends for her.

 

I broke up with my girlfriend four months ago and she immediately was there to help me pick up the pieces and carry on. Took a few weeks but I did mostly get over it and just wanted to move forward.

 

She is in a relationship with a guy, has been for about 10 months, but some strange things have happened recently. About a month and half ago we went out for a lunch to just catch up since we hadn't really talked or seen each other in a few weeks. We stopped back at my apartment, and one thing led to another pretty quickly and we made out. Since that time she has been telling me she isn't happy at all in her relationship. This type of thing has happened a few more times since then. She had told me a few times that things just feel so right with me and we both have really loved each other since we met. We should just make it happen and not care about the consequences. Things were pointing in this direction and then she cancelled on me twice with plans and got a little cold. Last conversation she told me she is so conflicted and its so difficult right now she needs to just take a break from this and try to have a normal week. Things have been cold since then, its been two weeks.

 

I don't know what to do because I now feel like I absolutely love her and want us to be together. I get the sense though she now is having second thoughts about all of this and has backed up. I also feel bad for her current boyfriend, he doesn't know any of this is going on.

 

I feel like she does truly love me but is afraid to break up with her boyfriend now. I just feel like since we met its been this back and forth I love her but she isn't available, then she loves me but I am not available, etc. There is also a part of me that says, this really isn't right, just start dating and move on. I even have a co-worker (I know the co-worker dating thing is a bad idea) that is interested in me and is always asking to catch a drink out etc. I don't want to get into the next relationship and then deal with me still having feelings for her, etc.

 

I'll tell you this really sucks, I hate this situation. Its affecting me pretty hard right now.

Edited September 19, 2016 by AJ27k

[JewelD]

How you get them is how you lose them. Wait until she's single before you try to pursue anything with her.

[Survivor12]

Take a break. Why do you feel that you need to be dating or in a relationship? If you are in love with her, you aren't ready.

 

Step away. She's in a relationship. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be "afraid" to leave her bf. Give yourself some time to get over her. You can't be friends with her when you feel as you do.

[AJ27k]

I have had feelings for her for since I first got to know her, I think its always been there but our situations have always put us at when one is single the other is in a relationship. We have both had feelings for each others.

 

As far as the we can't be friends comment with me feeling like this, personally I agree. Especially some of the sexual stuff that has happened recently as well.

 

I don't know, as I mentioned in my initial post, it makes sense just to walk away right now. If she really "loved" me as she claims, she wouldn't be afraid to break up with her BF and start dating me. The irony is that a few years ago the roles were reversed, I know she wanted me to break up with my gf and start seeing her. I never did and I can imagine that hurt her.

 

So if I do cool off and walk away for awhile, what is the best way going about this? I spent 20 minutes this morning debating whether or not to text her before I finally snapped out of it and started my day. Also, you thing if I walk away there is a chance think will change on her end?

[oldshirt]

Neither of you are married an you don't mention her having minor children with him so there is no reason not to give it your best shot.

 

Make your best offer and then it's in her court.

 

If she says ye, then so be it.

 

If she says no that's her choice and you can sleep at night that you tried.

[AJ27k]

Neither of you are married an you don't mention her having minor children with him so there is no reason not to give it your best shot.

 

Make your best offer and then it's in her court.

 

If she says ye, then so be it.

 

If she says no that's her choice and you can sleep at night that you tried.

 

Last night she sent me a bunch of texts at 3 am saying she can't sleep lately, she doesn't know what to do and that she loves me. She brought up this time a few years ago where I was her guest at her cousin's wedding, and that we were technically together that night. I texted her back this morning saying a share the same exact feelings, you know how I feel and the ball is in your court, haven't heard back yet. The whole thing sucks.

 

I can't really do anything from my end at this point, so I just have to look out for myself and try to ignore it but hard as hell though to not think of this stuff at work.