The Female 'BEST FRIEND'

[RBH13]

Is it appropriate for a man that is engaged to have a female best friend?

[central]

Yes. As long as friendship is as far as it goes. If either has romantic aspirations, then there could be problems, but even then it isn't necessarily a problem if boundaries are clear and both can be trusted to not act on it.

[mikeylo]

No. Recipie for disaster.

[JewelD]

IMO, hell no, but it depends on what the fiancee is willing to deal with. If she's okay with it, fine, but if she's not and he's still friends with her, red flag.

[Miss Peach]

I think in theory it's fine but I would want to know more about the friendship such as how it came about, whether there is any romantic history, etc.

 

My two closest friends are male. I'm not engaged but am in a LTR. I would be very put off having to dump my friends of 6 and 20 years who have been there for me over a guy.

 

Now I have also been on the other side of this. I had an x-BF who had some female friends (most were not best friends or friends he knew for many years) who were very disrespectful to me. That would bother me and would seriously have me question staying. It wasn't until one of the women tried to punch me that he cut off those friendships.

[RBH13]

I am having a difficult time accepting this type of relationship. I've hung out with my guys female best friend and tried to get to know her and the vibe that I got immediately, from her, as soon as he walked in on us hanging out was that she wanted him romantically.

 

I've noticed that she post things on social media that is directly related to him, but it's always covert.

 

My guy has several female friends and I never get any bad vibes from any of them, but this one in particular doesn't seem like someone that I can trust him around. I've told him that I do not believe he is setting a good foundation and I'd hate to see him in a vulnerable situation one day, running to this girl only to make a mistake that he would regret later.

 

I don't want to seem like I am coming in between their friendship - although, I am - I just can't see myself being friends with her or trusting him alone with her.

[major_merrick]

It is SO hard to keep things "friendly" with a best friend of the opposite sex. My best friend and I have been involved since childhood. We just can't seem to get it totally platonic. Mostly my fault, actually. We dated for a couple of years, broke up, had a brief affair at the end of his last marriage, etc... I can't make a relationship with him work out due to some of my issues, but I also can't totally give him up either. He's set boundaries, which is good because there are times I struggle with controlling myself.

 

If you feel that vibe, then she probably has romantic intentions. Don't get between them because he might just choose her instead. But certainly be watchful, ask the right questions, and make sure he sets boundaries that allow him to have his friend, but keep it in the "friend zone."

[preraph]

Only you know if this is a firm friendship or if one of you is carrying a torch for the other. If either of you have extra feelings, it's not appropriate. That said, I've been a few guys' best friend. One did have feelings I found out but they didn't all, and they all dated or were married or had a woman or whatever. They didn't flaunt me, except for one, oddly, the one who caught feelings. I mean, they didn't bring me around their dates usually unless we just ran across each other at a music thing.