StormyEyes Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Quick History: We are adults in our late 30s. We've both been married and divorced once. We met 5 years ago, had a brief fling (while we were both separated), and went our separate ways. We met up again 2 years ago and have been FWBs since then. We've both said I love you to each other, but we can't seem to get it together. We get along extremely well, have tremendous respect for each other, common interests, amazing chemistry, but we are very different. We also never seem to be in the same place at the same time emotionally. Last night we had this exchange via text. Him: I really ducking miss you Me: Ducking huh? Him: LMAO Me: I miss you. I don't know why we don't spend more time together. Him: Me either...lets just get married Me: Okay Him: Done and done Me: Cool Me: Am I changing my name? Him: YES Me: City hall or Vegas? Him: Vegas Me: I am never getting divorced again. Him: Me either I know he was just being silly, but this is the 6th or 7th time he has teased me like this, sometimes over text, other times in person. Should I keep taking it as him being silly or is he trying to tell me something? I'm the independent type and a little clueless about some relationship things. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 One thing I try to avoid is leading FWBs on. Avoid any misunderstandings about what we are and where we're going by communicating clearly. I wouldn't do it this way, but if he's hinting around I think he may want something serious with you. Up to and including marriage. Might be time for a sincere heart-to-heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 Hum, for me, "I love you" and FWB were never compatable. Either I had a FWB, and emotions were highly gauarded and not allowed to develop - or I had a boy friend. So you two casually have sex, exchange I love yous, but aren't a couple? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 10, 2016 Share Posted May 10, 2016 So are you saying you want to marry your FWB? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormyEyes Posted May 10, 2016 Author Share Posted May 10, 2016 I was just playing along when he was texting me thinking he was just goofing around. Then I started to count how many times he's said the same kind of thing in the recent past and was like "Hmmm". I think I call it FWB because I don't know what else to call it. We are not dating in the traditional sense, but we care very much for each other. When we are together it feels like we've been together forever. It is confusing. Perhaps it is time for that heart to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormyEyes Posted May 11, 2016 Author Share Posted May 11, 2016 So we are getting together tonight, any suggestions on how to bring the subject up? What should I say? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 How is it a FWB if you've exchanged ILY's and you secretly want to be married to him? It sounds like you're in denial waiting for him to finally step up, which will probably never happen. Since you're unable to keep it casual and have obvious feelings, the question becomes how much can you put up with? If you're pining for a guy that will never return your feelings seriously, I'd end it. Otherwise you'll just continue to be frustrated IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 What do you mean by "get it together"? Do you want to marry? Do you want to actually date? Is what you two doing now would be considered "dating"? Cuz, if somethings not broke - then don't try to fix it. If you two are seeing each other, enjoy each other's company, etc. then why does it need to change? I was reading a recent post where someone responded as to why some women want to marry and the response was like 'some people feel they gotta put that ring on to "lock you down"'...in other words, I guess we all need a "symbol" of commitment, that one day you're not gonna just up and walk away - which could very well happen at anytime in a FWB situation. So, is that the issue? Are you wanting to "lock this down"? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 12, 2016 Share Posted May 12, 2016 He could be serious. I think you can tell him with the same attitude something like "How do I know you're serious? Well, if you're serious about that, bring flowers when we meet, that's how i'll know". If he brings flowers, he is serious. :-);) Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted May 15, 2016 Share Posted May 15, 2016 Lol, why change a good thing? I don't know teasing about marriage between to divorce people almost seems like it'd be par for the course. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StormyEyes Posted May 26, 2016 Author Share Posted May 26, 2016 Update: We talked. Turns out we were never FWBs. We were two people who have been hurt before and were afraid of being hurt again. We both tried to play it cool for a long time, which is how the confusion happened. Things are so much easier when you take a risk and tell the truth, no matter the consequences. The fact is that I love him and he loves me. We want to be together. So we are jumping in. I'm trying to let go of my anxiety. Wish us luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Wow! What an update. Well aren't you glad you talked! I suppose it's easy for me to say, but I say jump all in and allow yourself to be vulnerable - see where it goes, and open your heart to the possibilities! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 Wow! What an update. Well aren't you glad you talked! I suppose it's easy for me to say, but I say jump all in and allow yourself to be vulnerable - see where it goes, and open your heart to the possibilities! Link to post Share on other sites
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