FrenchAGD82 Posted April 26, 2016 Share Posted April 26, 2016 Since last summer or so, I have slowly befriended a guy from work who, at that point, had a long time live in girlfriend. For the last three months, our friendship has gotten closer, more conversations about work stresses, our interests, our families, our backgrounds, and generally hanging around work has happened. Everything hit the fan about early April when he discovered his girlfriend had cheated on him and he talked to me over an hour on the phone about it. Very emotional, living a nightmare as he says. I genuinely do care about his life, making sure he is in a better living situation and hope he gets someone better in his life. I would say over the past month, my feelings have changed to more romantic like due to getting closer, BUT, I am respecting the fact that he is trying to figure out what is next for him and this current girlfriend. I don't pry too much, but, things are not "done" yet with the relationship. So, I am still being the friend he needs. Thoughts? Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
2016forme Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) Since last summer or so, I have slowly befriended a guy from work who, at that point, had a long time live in girlfriend. For the last three months, our friendship has gotten closer, more conversations about work stresses, our interests, our families, our backgrounds, and generally hanging around work has happened. Everything hit the fan about early April when he discovered his girlfriend had cheated on him and he talked to me over an hour on the phone about it. Very emotional, living a nightmare as he says. I genuinely do care about his life, making sure he is in a better living situation and hope he gets someone better in his life. I would say over the past month, my feelings have changed to more romantic like due to getting closer, BUT, I am respecting the fact that he is trying to figure out what is next for him and this current girlfriend. I don't pry too much, but, things are not "done" yet with the relationship. So, I am still being the friend he needs. Thoughts? Advice? Dear French, It is a good idea that you are taking your time at slowly befriending someone. The best and most long lasting relationships start with friendship. However I must caution you to keep your distance even though he is a" pretty close friend. " The reason is because your "close friend" has not clearly indicated whether or not his Girlfriend is now his ex girlfriend. You did mention that your friend's ex girl was dishonest and she betrayed your friend. Be careful at getting too close to your friend as an"open window of opportunity. " Now suppose you confess your romantic feelings to your male friend? What if you get the shock of your life? For example, he might feel you are coming on to him or he might feel that you are getting too involved with him too soon. He might not be ready for another romantic relationship, period! What if he goes back to his girlfriend and gives her a "second chance? " If you confess your true romantic feelings for your male friend, he might be intimidated and push you away. The rejection you might experience from that could be mind blowing and devastating. Some people are wishy-washy, flaky, inconsistent, not really sure. ..the list goes on and on. Take things slow. Keep being friends with him. But don't sit around and wait for your male friend to make up his mind about being with someone else. Live your life. Make friends for yourself. Get to know people first before you leap into any relationship. Especially if it is a romantic one. Give yourself time to really know people so you can see where their mind is! Never make your move too soon! If you can help it, never rush head on into a relationship. Know who you are and where you stand first! Some people date and even marry on the rebound! Peace! Edited April 27, 2016 by 2016forme Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 If you do anything besides wait until the dust settles and then see if he asks you out, you will end up the one who gets trounced on. He may never break it off with her. If he does on principle, he may not get over her for 5 years. If you become the person he leans on, that does not even translate into romance. It can, but I'm going to say, not usually. Usually it culminates in a hookup after which they lay in bed and bemoan the loss of their ex. So if I were you, I would not remain anything more than an occasional polite listener. I would date other people and let him know you're dating around, nothing serious, if the subject comes up. I would not escalate anything, live your own life, and wait to see if he ever breaks up, gets his mourning and rebound time of sleeping with everyone in sight over, and then asks you out. Link to post Share on other sites
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