Infatuated with friend

[Stillits]

So, the story is that I have this friend whom I've been talking to for 1.5-2 years now. After we first started having 'real', interesting conversations initially I found myself developing a crush on him. I did not tell him but asked some general questions about where he saw himself and from some of the convos at the time it seemed he was not in the right place for anything, so I stopped nourishing those feelings.

 

That being said, I remained having what I would call a 'soft spot' for him, meaning he is someone very dear to me and I will at anytime extend my hand and shoulder to him should he need comfort, and I know he has my back as well. I definitely, throughout the time knowing him, have cared a great deal more about him than I would regular friends.

 

Recently we have had increased communication, initiated mainly by him, and I realize that I once again find myself desiring to mean more to him than I think I do now. I think our intimacy in conversation has escalated too, from what it was before. Now, I am not at all sure whether he feels anything for me, but I know that he think I'm a good person and cares for my well-being.

 

The big question, of course, is whether I should tell him of my increased affection for him or not. I am now at that point where, if I don't want to lose his friendship - and I really don't - need to know whether to quell this infatuation or explore it with him. I want to confess to him because I feel like if I haven't at least tried, I might regret it later on - for what if there was something, good times and good memories to be shared? On the other hand there are some circumstances (distance, mainly) which would be a challenge should we get together, and I wonder if I should just kill the infatuation and never let him know about it (this way I also don't risk getting rejected!)

 

Probably I'm just a coward, but what's the general consensus; yay or nay?

[fifipheebs]

I am not an expert, however, i found myself in a VERY similar situation to you a few years ago and I'm positive I've missed the boat with my guy friend.

I wish when he was showing signs of interest, I had ran with it and told him how i felt. Now it is too late. He avoids me like I have leporsy now and it rips my heart out to know that I no longer hold a place in his heart.

 

Lesson - tell him how you feel. Strike while the iron is hot.

[Honourably honest]

Only you can know the real answer. Would it drastically alter things if you told them EXACTLY how you feel, no beating around the bush?

[preraph]

You know, I have had nothing but bad luck "confessing" my feelings to guys who haven't made a move on me. And even those who have. So I'm not a big believer in confessing feelings. I wish I never had.

 

But I do believe you should physically show him you want to touch him. Not by throwing him down and having your way with him but by starting to touch him more and more with your hand on his arm or leg or sitting close or just flirting a little. A man will respond better to touch than to words. If you start rubbing his arm or touching his leg briefly and leaning into him or take his arm when walking, he will either start reciprocating and touching you more OR he will pull away -- and if he does that, you have your answer, of course. But at least you haven't spilled your guts.

[Stillits]

Thank you for your responses. Life's too short for me to wait around for other people to muster up the courage, and this guy in particular is both shy, a virgin and he has told me he hasn't ever even kissed anyone, so even if he was/is interested, I doubt he'd feel confident enough to take initiative.

 

I am not an expert, however, i found myself in a VERY similar situation to you a few years ago and I'm positive I've missed the boat with my guy friend.

I wish when he was showing signs of interest, I had ran with it and told him how i felt. Now it is too late. He avoids me like I have leporsy now and it rips my heart out to know that I no longer hold a place in his heart.

 

Lesson - tell him how you feel. Strike while the iron is hot.

 

Well, I told him and I'm not even one step closer to feeling it is resolved. I guess I expect too much when I feel like I need resolve. I'd prefer if someone either told me: "I feel something more than friendship for you too, let's see where this goes" or "I'm sorry but I don't like you beyond friendship" rather than this open-ended response. So yeah, he said he likes me too and that he feels we have a meaningful connection and that he felt really good hearing that from me. Other than that, nothing. We talked a bit about how it feels like we've known each other for longer than we have and how well we get along. I think I'll back down for a while and let my romantic feelings burn out.

[fifipheebs]

So yeah, he said he likes me too and that he feels we have a meaningful connection and that he felt really good hearing that from me. Other than that, nothing. We talked a bit about how it feels like we've known each other for longer than we have and how well we get along. I think I'll back down for a while and let my romantic feelings burn out.

 

Stillits, he told you he likes you! What do you want from him? To pin you up against a wall and kiss you until you can't breathe?

Since you mention he is a virgin and inexperienced with women he's likely taken a huge leap of faith in even telling you he returns your feelings. He likely does not know what to do next. Why dont you ask him to hang out?

[JstarTheCat]

I think you probably need to take the initiative on this one. Ask him to hang out, and go from there. If he's inexperienced, he might not be comfortable taking the lead. Help him out!

[Stillits]

Stillits, he told you he likes you! What do you want from him? To pin you up against a wall and kiss you until you can't breathe?

Since you mention he is a virgin and inexperienced with women he's likely taken a huge leap of faith in even telling you he returns your feelings. He likely does not know what to do next. Why dont you ask him to hang out?

 

Haha, I know, it doesn't sound so bad the way I wrote it here, but it felt a bit more friendly rather than romantic when we were talking about it. Who is to say what liking someone means to him? He hasn't backed away since then, though, we have talked every day like we usually do, so I guess I could just ask him to hang out and see..

[Frank13]

I am not an expert, however, i found myself in a VERY similar situation to you a few years ago and I'm positive I've missed the boat with my guy friend.

I wish when he was showing signs of interest, I had ran with it and told him how i felt. Now it is too late. He avoids me like I have leporsy now and it rips my heart out to know that I no longer hold a place in his heart.

 

 

Maybe he avoids you because he still has interest in you but thinks you don't and it is too hard to be in that predicament.

[Frank13]

Haha, I know, it doesn't sound so bad the way I wrote it here, but it felt a bit more friendly rather than romantic when we were talking about it. Who is to say what liking someone means to him? He hasn't backed away since then, though, we have talked every day like we usually do, so I guess I could just ask him to hang out and see..

 

I agree with the others. I think his inexperience is preventing him from doing what you expected. He "felt really good from hearing that" from you. If he wasn't interested that would have pushed him away. Just hang in their and let things progress.

[fifipheebs]

Maybe he avoids you because he still has interest in you but thinks you don't and it is too hard to be in that predicament.

 

I suppose that is possible.

Would a guy trying to do that speak of other girls to make you jealous??

[preraph]

Thank you for your responses. Life's too short for me to wait around for other people to muster up the courage, and this guy in particular is both shy, a virgin and he has told me he hasn't ever even kissed anyone, so even if he was/is interested, I doubt he'd feel confident enough to take initiative.

 

Well, that right there ^ is what I keep telling people who are waiting for a guy to make a move on them. If they haven't done it because they're too fearful and inadequate to do it and they're out of their teenage years when nervousness is normal, it's just a big waste of time because they are not developed enough to have a relationship and have a lot of work to do on themselves first. And the other thing people don't realize is even if you get them to date you, their fearfulness isn't restricted to just girls or just you or whatever -- it's a constant reel of disappointment that they won't step up to the plate about anything from calling the phone company when a bill is wrong to telling their mother to back off, much less like they're going to ever be able to deal with, say, going to a meeting at the principal's office when the kid gets in trouble at school. It will always be up to you to be the man of the family. It carries over to everything. I spent some years with a guy similar to that who was young, so I gave him time to mature and take responsibility, but it was a waste of time. I finally dumped him for not cleaning the guinae pig cage for the guinaes he'd asked for for his birthday.

 

Just bail out. If you keep him around, he probably will harbor feelings and then block you from getting a boyfriend because everyone will think you're with him and he'll make sure of that. Bail out.