Did I just ruin it with a long time friend?

[Thejerrybest]

Sorry if this is a little long, looking for some input on a situation I am in as well as what I should so next.

 

I have been friends with a girl for the past 4 years. We've met junior year in college and have been friends since. When we first met we both were dating someone but always saw each other because of our mutual group of friends. I always had a thing for her but we were both in relationships. A year after we graduated we kind of fell out of touch. We both actually moved for jobs and outside of some text messages we didn't talk. We both moved back to jobs in our home town and since then we've become friends again.

 

Early spring we had been hanging out alot and I was ready to make a move but she randomly got distant with me. She stopped wanting to hang out so I just took that as a nice way of her saying she wasn't interested in me. I dated a co-worker over the summer and when she found out she seemed to get very jealous. We have a longtime mutual friend she is really close too. One night she told her she was very upset I was dating, that she was in love with me, and couldn't understand why I wasn't dating her. I told our mutual friend that once I started to move into us dating she out of the blue got distant with me. Our mutual friend she seemed shocked and didn't believe me. At this point I wasn't sure if this friend was being honest so I also talked to another close friend of hers and I pretty much got the same story. When I told her she had gotten distant with me, didn't want to hang out or was always busy, she also thought this was odd because she always told her she liked me and wanted to date.

 

Things didn't work out with my co-worker and we broke up end of summer. Over the past month we starting talking to each other and hanging out once or twice a week. Sometimes its simple stuff like playing tennis or racquetball together, sometimes its catching a movie and other times its going out for a few drinks. She texts me a ton as well. I talked to one of our mutual friends and they basically told me she was absolutely in love with me and go for it next time we hung out.

 

Two weeks ago after us going out to dinner, we took a hike, held hands the entire time. When I went to kiss her after the hike she backed off from it and it got awkward. The next day she texted me apologizing for what happened, said she was really into me and wanted to hang out ASAP. I accepted her apology but acted a little childish by intentionally being "busy" when she wanted to hang out the next few days and taking forever to respond to her texts. For the love of me, I don't know why I did this because she is really attractive and I have strong feelings for her, trust me I regret it. Maybe I thought at some level if I played hard to get it may work in my favor? I don't know.

 

After 5 days (last wed) I stopped with this and texted her about making plans and she told me she "yeah I am really busy this week and i'll get back to you". I texted her Sunday suggesting plans two days this week and she hasn't texted me since. I also sent a text this morning just wishing her a great day and nothing again.

 

So I am guessing I may have ruined things by intentionally getting distant from her. I still don't know what to think or what to do. Some of my friends think I should just call her or stop by her apartment and just apologize for anything I may have done and tell her how much I love her. But I hesitate because if she isn't responding to my text, she isn't going to pick up the phone or answer her door if I stop by.

 

Well any ideas or thoughts would be great!

Edited November 23, 2015 by Thejerrybest

[basil67]

Yes, it's possible that you pulling back did ruin things. However, she needs reflect on how her dodging of your kiss would have made you feel really crap. I know she apologised, but by the sounds of it she didn't offer any explanation or whether or not there will be future kissing.

 

And with not knowing why she didn't kiss you, it's hard to say what you should do.

[Thejerrybest]

Yes, it's possible that you pulling back did ruin things. However, she needs reflect on how her dodging of your kiss would have made you feel really crap. I know she apologised, but by the sounds of it she didn't offer any explanation or whether or not there will be future kissing.

 

And with not knowing why she didn't kiss you, it's hard to say what you should do.

 

I didn't really get a real reason for this. She said I caught her off-guard, she doesn't know why she didn't, she doesn't like kissing in public and she really regretted not kissing me. That was the extent of it. I didn't pry into it, I just accepted her apology and we talked for a bit about other things. She suggested a day to hang out, and I told her I had to work. She suggested another day and I told her I had made plans with a friend who was in town. The second wasn't completely a lie, I did but I could have been free later in the day.

 

I think maybe I wanted her to reflect a little on it but sadly what I did was probably made things much worse.

 

She actually did text me back today and said she was really busy between work, a graduate class project she is working on and family in town and we'd talk soon. I think she is doing exactly what I did back. So do I call her out on it, just go with it and try seriously talking to her in a few days or trust what my heart is telling me that I ruined it?

[emmajane77]

I think that when you kissed her, maybe she is shy and it was unexpected and she got nervous, so she didn't mean to react like that. Yes I guess you know this already but you should have taken her out straight away but then by backing off, you were giving mixed signals and maybe she was hurt. She now maybe a bit confused, but she obviously likes you as she has sent you a text saying she is busy but talk soon. If she wasn't bothered she wouldn't have bothered to contact you. She may also be a bit busy at the moment, or maybe she just wants to show that she has a life and is not waiting for your call. I think that you should maybe leave it for a week and then see if she contacts you. If not you could then send a message just asking how she is and then take it from there, perhaps you could then invite her for coffee and have a good chat about everything and maybe be honest about your feelings for her. There is no point keeping them to yourself or playing games. I think maybe things have just been miscommunicated and even though it is nerve racking I think it would be better to tell the truth. Good luck!