spikycacti Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 what is the major differences between two? if you have a major dispute and you know your partner doesn't want to talk to you after few days and you have left a message saying you love her but she refuses to read, and later on you ask how long she won't talk to you and she said she doesn't know bc she's very disappointed while the whole problem is not entirely your fault, could this be counted as silent treatment? While I know it's wrong to do that to your significant other, I keep meeting this type of people and actually after this conflict, it forced me to think maybe I should learn to do it. (But I know I can't, because I know how miserable the other would feel). Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (the)behavior that predicts divorce with over 90% accuracy, according to John Gottman's research and the experience of most couples' counselors, is stonewalling. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201212/how-ruin-perfectly-good-relationship-0 I guess it depends what caused the lack of talking in the first place as to whether this is just a cooling off after a heated argument or a disagreement over a hot topic, or the more serious and potentially abusive stonewalling. Why has your partner stopped talking to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 it could be silent treatment , if repeatdly happening . but the worst is that when she is always like this even when there is no reason ! Link to post Share on other sites
sweeeeetie82 Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 The silent treatment is not the best policy, if anything the both of you should communicate more. How can the two of you fix anything if you guys don't talk? Not good at all... Link to post Share on other sites
dandyrandy Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 what is the major differences between two? if you have a major dispute and you know your partner doesn't want to talk to you after few days and you have left a message saying you love her but she refuses to read, and later on you ask how long she won't talk to you and she said she doesn't know bc she's very disappointed while the whole problem is not entirely your fault, could this be counted as silent treatment? While I know it's wrong to do that to your significant other, I keep meeting this type of people and actually after this conflict, it forced me to think maybe I should learn to do it. (But I know I can't, because I know how miserable the other would feel). There is a difference! One is playing games and the other one is legitimately cooling off! Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201212/how-ruin-perfectly-good-relationship-0 I guess it depends what caused the lack of talking in the first place as to whether this is just a cooling off after a heated argument or a disagreement over a hot topic, or the more serious and potentially abusive stonewalling. Why has your partner stopped talking to you? Hi, The math behind Gottman's Research has been debunked and is now considered to be false. As an undergraduate I trained in statistics. The sample size and power calculation is so skewed that there was no way he wouldn't be showing a successful P value. I don't do links but if you want to take a look at the dissection of his algorithm: google: The British amateur who debunked the mathematics of happiness or Nick Brown + Gottman method Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I some times need time to cool off. I tell my partner that I need a few HOURS or that I will call him tomorrow. With DH I say I'm going for a walk or a drive. It isn't game playing. It's about taking the time to get control over my emotions so something devastating doesn't come out of my mouth. As I've gotten older, I can decompress more quickly & can usually head it off before it gets that bad by taking a few deep breaths & sometimes even physically taking a step back. The silent treatment is more like gamesmanship where the party who isn't talking expects the other party to know why they are upset & to magically fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Silent treatment is manipulative and immature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Silent treatment is manipulative and immature. it can be., yet as said, it is better to remain silent then open ones mouth and remove all doubt on foolishness. I used to hold grudges, and to a rather sick level considered myself superior to the offender. Those days are long gone... and been replaced with rational time outs, to regroup and be respecting of the issue. Getting to a resolution takes all parties being willing to work thru concerns. Some folks need someone to lead them to that goal... Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 The difference is intent. Cooling off=give me a little while so we can discuss this when I'm not as emotionally charged. That way, we can work on it without making things worse Silent treatment=figure it out now. If you don't... Its also important that the person knows which is happening. Usually someone who's just cooling off will say something to let their partner know "give me a while to cool off" or something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Larrydafe Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Sativa Strain cannabis seed banks ruderalis autoflowering cannabis indoor growing Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Depends... If I care about the RL/guy - I'll let him know I need time to cool off. I'm not one for blindsiding anyone. I actually did that with other guys. If I was having a bad one, I'd let them know this is not a good time and avoided all the ugly that I could probably not take back in the heat of emotions. If I don't care - like I do now - I could care less if I breathed fire on him. Actually I "wish" I could like harness the ability to breathe fire. And, if I had like a vase or something, I'd throw it in his direction. Literally. Then, I'd maybe slap him. Yes, I'd slap him. Do I care what I'm posting? Nope, I really don't care at all. Thank you LS for letting me vent. Now, can I have a vase to throw? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 i guess i thought i used to do the silent treatment...which really i didnt, i just needed time to reflect and process the argument...i would and still walk away ...and when anyone came after me i would say leave me alone for now ill talk later i dont want to talk yet...not about the argument.... so thats my fighting style.....i walk away and prefer others to walk away and not chase after me ....doesnt normally end well if i get backed into a corner having no time to myself to gain perspective....so i gues that style isnt silent treatment...i didnt really differentiate walking away from silent treatment....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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