rajrao Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Hi, I've decided to write about my story because I start to get really lost in my feelings. So I've met a guy at work 6 years back. I didn't know him that well in the beginning, but as time progressed we had become close friends. I should say he is handsome and I am not a very pretty/beautiful girl but more kind of an average looking girl. Ever since we became close, he always shared his stories of his crushes he has at work.He was crazily in love with one gal and ended up proposing her. Unfortunately she did not accept and now she is married. Then onto another girl , the same old story of being in love crazily buying her expensive gifts going our for dinners shopping etc. He almost kissed her once but things did not work out for them and she moved to a different location.And she is married now. He was a little depressed for a while(after her marriage) but got better after sometime. Time heals everything and everyone afterall. So when it comes to happiness or sadness, am always there for him. But when am in problems or in need of something he doesn't pay much attention to my problems or show any kind of interest in helping me. And I should probably admit that I like him. And I happened to know only when I started feeling jealous when he starts liking any other gal but me. We never did hang out a lot, but only once may be had gone on a trip together. There was another friend who had to join us but unfortunately she couldn't make it and we both ended up going together. Other than that we never really go out together a lot. Things started to change when I moved to a different apartment. He is being very nice to me(probably because he doesn't have any other gal right now) and very caring about my problems. I do not have a boy friend yet and live alone in the apartment. He hangs out with me a lot. He meets me every weekend and we watch movies together, talk about something interesting or cook and have dinner etc. And we are so comfortable talking about any kind of topic or watching movies with more intimate scenes. And I have noticed several times that he keeps touching me everywhere like neck, arms, waist(like doesn't feel hesitant or uncomfortable).He cuddles me, holds me and keeps playing with me and I just feel like he is all over me. I sometimes get a feeling that he might actually kiss me or do something(if you know what I mean). But the very next day he apologizes saying he shouldn't have done that and feels bad about it. And starts talking about other gals. And again immediately starts giving me suggestions about dating guys. I get mad sometimes looking at his fickle mindedness and stop talking to him but he keeps calling me for several times until I attend his call or let him into my apartment. Can anyone advice me what exactly does my friend want? I have admitted already that I really do like him but he never showed any kind of interest towards me. So am hesitant to reveal my feelings for him. But at the same time when I see him so caring towards me, and the way he behaves with me(touching me or being close with me) I feel like he likes me too. What do you think? Am I wrong to think that may be he likes me? Is he just being a flirt? Or is he just being friendly with me? Link to post Share on other sites
fifipheebs Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Hi, I've decided to write about my story because I start to get really lost in my feelings. So I've met a guy at work 6 years back. I didn't know him that well in the beginning, but as time progressed we had become close friends. I should say he is handsome and I am not a very pretty/beautiful girl but more kind of an average looking girl. Ever since we became close, he always shared his stories of his crushes he has at work.He was crazily in love with one gal and ended up proposing her. Unfortunately she did not accept and now she is married. Then onto another girl , the same old story of being in love crazily buying her expensive gifts going our for dinners shopping etc. He almost kissed her once but things did not work out for them and she moved to a different location.And she is married now. He was a little depressed for a while(after her marriage) but got better after sometime. Time heals everything and everyone afterall. So when it comes to happiness or sadness, am always there for him. But when am in problems or in need of something he doesn't pay much attention to my problems or show any kind of interest in helping me. And I should probably admit that I like him. And I happened to know only when I started feeling jealous when he starts liking any other gal but me. We never did hang out a lot, but only once may be had gone on a trip together. There was another friend who had to join us but unfortunately she couldn't make it and we both ended up going together. Other than that we never really go out together a lot. Things started to change when I moved to a different apartment. He is being very nice to me(probably because he doesn't have any other gal right now) and very caring about my problems. I do not have a boy friend yet and live alone in the apartment. He hangs out with me a lot. He meets me every weekend and we watch movies together, talk about something interesting or cook and have dinner etc. And we are so comfortable talking about any kind of topic or watching movies with more intimate scenes. And I have noticed several times that he keeps touching me everywhere like neck, arms, waist(like doesn't feel hesitant or uncomfortable).He cuddles me, holds me and keeps playing with me and I just feel like he is all over me. I sometimes get a feeling that he might actually kiss me or do something(if you know what I mean). But the very next day he apologizes saying he shouldn't have done that and feels bad about it. And starts talking about other gals. And again immediately starts giving me suggestions about dating guys. I get mad sometimes looking at his fickle mindedness and stop talking to him but he keeps calling me for several times until I attend his call or let him into my apartment. Can anyone advice me what exactly does my friend want? I have admitted already that I really do like him but he never showed any kind of interest towards me. So am hesitant to reveal my feelings for him. But at the same time when I see him so caring towards me, and the way he behaves with me(touching me or being close with me) I feel like he likes me too. What do you think? Am I wrong to think that may be he likes me? Is he just being a flirt? Or is he just being friendly with me? make a joke about why he is so handsy lately Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) he is fickle, and making you unhappy, and he knows you let him into you life on his terms, he knows how to get back in, but you are allowing this, only you can decide what your terms are like ... proper dates, no same-day invites, no immediate phoning back and study how he handles you when you play hard to get, even if you do it just for an hour, you seem a bit of a door-mat atmo, so just stop living at his beck and call, and please also widen your circle of friends Edited July 11, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I'm sorry to say that he clearly doesn't view you as girlfriend material. He has consistently looked for that elsewhere, and continues to do so. He's also not a very good friend. He's downright selfish! You're always there for him. Yet, he's only willing to listen to your issues when he's lonely, has no options on the horizon, and needs to lick his romantic wounds because some girl he was gaga for but rejected him, has gotten married. Will he eventually sleep with you? Yes, if you let him. He's angling for that. Your interactions are clearly headed in that direction. Will this lead to you becoming his girlfriend? No. You'll be the FWB when he gets discouraged by his dating failures. Look at how he treats the women he's trying to date. He's buying them expensive gifts, taking them out to dinners, taking them shopping, etc. What is he doing with you? Dropping by yours when it suits him, attempting to cop a feel, apologizing, and then trying again anyway. A total loser that needs to be kicked to the curb. There's no fairytale ending down this road. He's not going to suddenly come to his senses and realize that you're what he's always looked for. Quite the opposite. The fact that you hang around patiently and respond positively to any crap treatment he directs your way means that he'll never respect you. Guys don't turn women they don't respect into girlfriends. How long would you stick it out with a female friend who treated you the way he has? Look elsewhere for a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 He's touching you a lot so he's attracted to you, but has he never been willing to step up and really date you and treat you well like he does his girlfriends? Has he ever taken you and paid for dinner or anything datelike, or is it always hanging out stuff like friends do? Sounds like he is more giving to the girlfriends so you'd know if he was wanting you for a girlfriend. But what it sounds like he's up for is sex and being friends, and he is being nicer, so maybe you've grown on him. Next time he touches around on you, why not just ask him if he's starting to have any romantic feelings for you or if he's just lonely (code for "horny"). Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajrao Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Thank you. Got the point :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajrao Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Thank you. You are right, I knew he was selfish from the very beginning but I kept blaming myself thinking may be I was overreacting for his silly mistakes/behaviors out of jealousy. But not worth spending my time on this individual I just had a small ray of hope that may be he changed but I agree with you all. Thanks for making this clear to me. Yes time to search for someone and give up on him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rajrao Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Now that he is alone, he takes me out for dinners once in a while. It's more like friends going out for dinner types, not date like or anything. Because only when he feels like eating he takes me out and when I end up going for dinner and ask him if he wants to join never did he once join me for dinner. I have always wanted to ask him but I didn't want to ruin our friendship buy bringing up this question when he doesn't have any such thoughts. But now am starting to wonder if I even want to hold onto his friendship, because I never thought he has really helped me when I was in need or been a real friend to me. Thanks for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Well, you have given him every chance to step up and he hasn't. I honestly think life would be less confusing for you to just not even try to be active friends. If your feelings are really hurt, then you should just cut him off and block him and everything. But if you're okay but just a little disappointed, you could respond to a text once in a while but not accept any invitations or invite him anywhere. If he's not helpful and supportive, well, he's not a real friend. Link to post Share on other sites
nouedis Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Freaking A, this sounds like a similar problem I'm in. All I can tell you from what I've been told directly in person is: DROP THAT STUFF AND MOVE THE HECK ON!!! You don't need that negativity in your life. It'll hinder you down for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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