alleykat28 Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 My best friend is married. We both have strong feelings for each other but her is unwilling to leave his wife. States he has to stick with the better or for worse even tho he wants to be with me. I don't know how to deal with this because of my feeling for him and wanting to be with him all the time. He feels guilty for not being able to be with me. I guess I would like to know how others have dealt with a situation like this and how it worked out if it did. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 How did a man married for 16 years become your best friend for 14 years? Didn't you interact with the wife since this guy was your best friend. Did you go to their house and to their parties? Your first mistake was looking at a MM as your best friend. It is best to have a same sex best friend so you will have someone to lean on when things like this happen. I think you need to go strict NC with this MM. He is not going to leave his wife (as you know) and in the meantime you are tying up your emotions on a man you will never have, therefore blocking men who can give you the relationship you desire. I think your so called best friend was trying to let you down easy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 What you have to understand is he felt the same way about his wife back when he married her and has a long history with her. He is smart enough to know that you can love different people, but once you make a commitment, you have a responsibility to give that person the most consideration. He already knows hot new love eventually fades and that in time the luster of his love for you will fade just like the luster for his wife has faded. But underneath his remaining love for his wife lies a shred of commitment. He also may look at times with cold reality and view you as a woman who got involved with him despite him already being married and view his wife in comparison as more ethical or innocent, giving her the edge. You need to also understand that while for many women, loving and being with one man is their dream, for many men, having all the stability of marriage plus a tootsie on the side to give sexual variety is the dream. So even if she got fed up and booted him and he went with you, he'd eventually try to get another mistress, because that's how he is. You are not his destiny. You are his sexual variety and his ego booster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 You deal with it by distancing yourself & finding somebody who is available for you to have a relationship. Get a new best friend while you are at it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lockedoutluv Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 I am in a similar situation currently. There are a lot of things wrong with the relationship between my friend and I, and for that reason I know it's not "meant to be." But when we're together, there is such a strong bond it just feels so natural and familiar. We deal with the problems by giving each other space and freedom to be who we are separately, and rejoicing in the time that we can share together. Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 How can he be your best friend, be married and is staying married? He may be emotionally cheating on his wife with you but you are on his back burner, he is not on yours. Move on, he's not going to leave his wife he already told you that. Find someone who is available for you to love and who can and will love you back as you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
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