1confusedgirl Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Hi ... I need help. Eep. I know this sounds simple or stupid or whatever, but as you'll see, I have NO experience in this department! So I could really use any advice you guys have for me. Here goes. I'm 20, never had anything at all with a guy until this spring ... sort of a late bloomer/low confidence thing. I had a friends with benefits situation with a guy friend at my university for a couple months. Now it's over and I don't regret it, or want him back "that way." We both wanted to get experience, and still keep in touch. So, what's my problem? During the time period we were hooking up, my FWB told me that another, mutual friend of ours liked me. I was really shocked!! I'd liked that guy since a few weeks after we met, but assumed I had no chance. We got to be pretty good friends, but after I did some reading, I guess the "signs" are all there and I was just a bit too blind to see them: He is rather shy and unconfident, but he's such a sweetheart and a great friend. He invites me to dinner or other things - just the two of us - a lot, and in general we spent a lot of time together over the semester. One night he asked me about my childhood and we spent hours trading stories. We watched the same shows together almost every night and I helped him with a class. One day when we hung out he even went into a long discourse about what a jerk my FWB was to girls, and how I should be careful! The list goes on. So he would do all these things I considered just friendly and my FWB would look at me pointedly and roll his eyes as if to say, "See?" Guy 2 asked me several times during term, "What's the deal with you guys?" but I always dodged the question. The other day he came home from a long vacation and IMed me almost immediately after he got online. We talked for awhile about our summers and then the very next thing he asked me was, "Have you heard from (FWB guy)?" I told him I hadn't seen him but that we talked every once in awhile, and I'd seen some of our other friends, and he said, "Huh." I panicked and changed the subject. I've only known him since beginning of second term, but I consider this guy one of my closest friends, at uni and in general. We have the same friends and live in the same dormitory, so I'm a little shy of telling him I like him in case I'm totally wrong! I see him again in about two weeks and I'm a nervous wreck. Should I tell him I like him? If so, how? And how do I let him know that my FWB is/never was in the picture? I've never done this, so it's really hard for me to know one way or another. I hope I gave enough info. Please help! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Hey Confused. Be open and honest. Tell him what's in your heart and see what happens. You won't know unless you ask. I say go for it. You have a nice friendship with the guy, take it slow and see how it goes!! Good luck! WWIU Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 Hey there confused! Your situation reminded me of how I started dating my boyfriend (now fiance). We worked in the same office on my university campus (I was his boss), so we had known each other pretty well for many months. One evening I could not find anyone interested in seeing a certain film with me, and he volunteered. We saw a few more movies together, and had some dinners- both as friends (on the surface anyway!) Then, one night we were at his apartment and he was setting up the VCR for yet another movie. Before he hit Play he looked at me and said "so are you interested in me as a boyfriend?" And since I had already made up my mind that we were destined to be together (oh, you know girls!) I said "yes". Then he hit Play and we watched the movie. Now, I am not suggesting you be THAT to the point, but it wouldn't hurt. It DOES sounds like he is interested in you too. And once you let him know it is him that you are interested in, and not your FWB, he will probably accept that and not worry so much, if any, about your relationship with the FWB. artifact --I have one more piece if advice! If you find yourself too nervous to get the words out, just remember that once you start, you can't stop. There is some comfort in not being able to turn back! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 I don't know why people think they must go into confessional mode and 'tell all'. That can be scary and awkward. Instead, show him that you are interested. First thing to do is be truthful about FWB guy. The 'friend' clearly is trying to find out if you are hooked on FWB, and rather than telling him in no uncertain terms that FWB does not have your heart, you keep avoiding the question. Tell him outright that FWB boy is 'just friends' and that you have zero interest in anything further with him. Then make your own overtures. If he has invited you to most things, it's time to invite him. Let him know you're glad of his company and be openly appreciative of him. Deeds go farther than words, anyway. It's easy to tell someone you like him, but you really need to back it up. Right now, to this guy, every time he's given you an opening to say that FWB is not and never will be your 'one and only', you avoid the question. He will interpret that as you not wanting to turn him down outright! So reverse that strategy pronto and start showing him that you're interested. Link to post Share on other sites
ssslide Posted August 1, 2004 Share Posted August 1, 2004 Alright 1confusedgirl, I dont think you should be as confused as you think you are. Hopefully this can clear up some of the situation for you... As a guy, the one thing that drove me insane, is when the girl I liked was not completely straightfoward. Now, Im not telling you to pour your heart out to him, as that would be a turnoff unless he is headover heels for you...and we arent sure if that is the case...yet. What we want to do is get it to that point. Now, when they say all girls like a challenge, the same goes for us guys. The harder we have to work for it, the more we want it, and your goal now is to find the happy medium. You say he is a shy guy, and taking that into consideration I think his actions show that he has an attraction to you. Or hes just really intune with his feminine side and cares about you not getting hurt by your FWB. Well, there is a 99% chance that the second option is not the case, because most guys just dont do that. They only mention it if they are jealous. And I am pretty sure he is at least a little bit jealous. Now, I dont want you to play games, that destroys men's hearts, but this is what I would suggest. If you pull this off you will know for sure how he stands with the least amount of hurting if he doesnt. And do it fast before you get even more attatched. Maybe the next time you have one on one time with him set it up where you guys go back to a quiet place, maybe watch a movie and start to touch him a little and see his response. Try cuddling. If he cuddles up and you are brave, kiss him half on the cheek other half on the lips (where you get just a little bit more than the corner and then the rest his cheek). Trust me if he has feelings for you, you will see it in his eyes after that and it kinda is an invitation to kiss u back. Goodluck Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 12, 2007 Share Posted April 12, 2007 Juat tell him. All the signs are there. I was in that same position a few months ago ,and i asked. He said YES and now his my boyfriend. GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted April 13, 2007 Share Posted April 13, 2007 Juat tell him. All the signs are there. I was in that same position a few months ago ,and i asked. He said YES and now his my boyfriend. GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya OMG GOOD IDEA GO FOR IT...oh wait this thread is almost 3 years ago nm Link to post Share on other sites
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