funnyface Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 So me and this guy met through our mutual friend, and have seen each other a handful of times - talking, flirting, etc. We both like each other (more on that later) but we haven't been on a date. I wasn't even 100% sure of his feelings until yesterday (he would talk to me online, and then not talk to me for days, then ask me why I haven't been talking to him... hot and cold) when everything got laid out on the table... So, we were hanging out with friends yesterday when he started saying "there is more than one reason I come down to visit, I think you know what it is". Later on, people started saying what a cute couple we make, and he leaned over and said to me "See, we would be cute. Everyone thinks we should be together but you. Why are you fighting it?" Though I was somewhat happy that now he's dropping serious hints, I was also completely confused. Then our mutual friend, seeing our flirtiness, told me that he has a girlfriend. When I asked him more, he was like "well... its not really serious, just kind of a rebound thing. But don't give up... maybe in a few months things might happen with you two." And then, I was even more confused. This prompted an over hour long private conversation, where basically, he told me how much he liked me and wanted to be with me, and tried to kiss me about 20 times. I held back, because I said that he only gets to kiss me if he asks me out, and also, I don't know what his deal is with dating other people. He got frustrated and kept saying that I'm the one being reserved, and kept asking "are you in, or out?" and also a little bit of argument. Essentially, nothing got resolved, except for the fact that now we both know we are attracted to the other. I thought that once we kind of told each other we liked each other, then things would work out and we could start dating. Now I feel like it just screwed everything up. I am holding back because I still do not know what his situation is with other girls. If he has a girlfriend, then I cannot do anything. If he is just dating around, then I can understand that - but I feel like the more I hold back, the more he will just settle into whatever "situation" he has going on with someone else. On the other hand, if he really likes me then I feel like he should make an effort (unless I'm completely wrong). He hasn't even actually asked me out, and we only talk online. At the same time, now he keeps saying that I am not interested, and that he "tried" - should I reassure him of my feelings? I just don't know if this is something I did wrong, or if he is just trying to play me. I really want to work things out with him, but I just don't know what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel V. Ross Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 It would better if you could have a serious talk about this matter to know the real position of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LoverOfDance Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I have a strong feeling this guy is player. I think you should leave him alone and move on with your life. If he really likes you, trust me, he'll break up with his girl and ask u out since his relationship is not that serious anyways. And he doesn't sound repectful at all. Talking about 'don't give up....maybe in a few months you'll have your chance'. Honey, let him know you're not an option and kick his sorry behind to the curb. U deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
gamman Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) You didn't screw anything up. In fact, you did just the opposite. You stated your boundaries (which are perfectly healthy and reasonable), and stuck to them. Major kudos for this! It can be very hard to do -- especially in these situations. I don't get a good vibe from this guy or this situation. I would be very leery of him. He's trying to manipulate you and turns things around on you by saying that you're not interested, and that he "tried." This is not good, and it's a very BIG red flag that this guy is dangerous and not someone you want to be with. You have screwed nothing up. Do not live in fear that if you hold back, the more he will just settle into whatever "situation" he has going on with someone else. In fact, get that entire worry out of your head completely.. You are too good for this guy. Trust me. Do NOT reassure him of your feelings. I would take a hard look at yourself and figure out what about his guy and situation is so appealing to you......... The answer, from what I see, is NOTHING -- that is, unless you want to be with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries (which in turn means they don't respect you a person), is immature, manipulative, turns things around on you, acts aggressively when you question their shady behavior/stand up for yourself, plays mind games with you, and who is looking to cheat on his current GF (if he has one), and who really already has cheated if he tried to kiss you. YIKES! Here's a little hint on how to handle this situation -- run the hell away from this guy as fast as you can and as far as you can!!!!!! Please don't make yourself learn the hard way. This guy is a world-class jackass, and DEFINATELY NOT someone you want to pursue, let alone hook up/be in a relationship with. Good luck. Edited October 16, 2012 by gamman Link to post Share on other sites
Author funnyface Posted October 16, 2012 Author Share Posted October 16, 2012 I have a strong feeling this guy is player. I think you should leave him alone and move on with your life. If he really likes you, trust me, he'll break up with his girl and ask u out since his relationship is not that serious anyways. And he doesn't sound repectful at all. Talking about 'don't give up....maybe in a few months you'll have your chance'. Honey, let him know you're not an option and kick his sorry behind to the curb. U deserve better. Just to be clear, he did not say that to me - his friend did. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Regardless of this^^^^!!! You need to be wise and consider this..... Gamman, " He's trying to manipulate you and turns things around on you by saying that you're not interested, and that he "tried." This is not good, and it's a very BIG red flag that this guy is dangerous and not someone you want to be with." Link to post Share on other sites
Author funnyface Posted October 16, 2012 Author Share Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks to all - I am leaving this alone for now. We spoke very briefly since this weekend but I cut the conversation short. I feel like I have made things clear to him, and said that I am not talking to him until we happen to see each other again. At the very least, he has stopped "blaming me" and has agreed to my wishes to not speak unless we're in person. I do have strong feelings for him, but I know what everyone is saying is right. However, I feel like I do need to ask him if he has a girlfriend, directly, just to have closure on this. Link to post Share on other sites
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