Beatnik Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 OK I became fast friends with this girl this year, which just started talking the 1st day of class and have been ever since, and weve become fairly close, in fact she would often tell me about her relationship with her boyfriend, including sex. She even told me she doesnt normal tell people that stuff. Well shes been out of school for about a week and a half, everyone assumed it was because of the mono epidemic going around, but I heard the apparent truth. My friend and her boyfriend had broken up, possibly over him cheating on her (facts arent substantiated yet, but news travels fast in my town) apparenly with a total skank. Well frankly I want her. Since weve become friends I became attracted to her, but never gave it any thought because she was taken. Just being the guy I am I'm going to be there for her from the getgo. I'm just wondering whats the best way to approach this. I know I would be so much better for her, than that lying scumbag. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 The hazard in being 'rebound guy' is that she might cling to you as someone to fill the emotional ache rather than because you are well-suited. This could mean that the relationship might not last. You might do well to try maintaining the friendship until she shows signs of wanting a new relationship. You will earn lots of points by being her 'go-to' guy during all this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 6, 2003 Author Share Posted October 6, 2003 I agree, I really hope you guys don't see this as a sleazy way to abuse her vulnerability, I just care enough about her to be there for her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Makes sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 6, 2003 Author Share Posted October 6, 2003 Cool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 7, 2003 Author Share Posted October 7, 2003 Ok, like I imagined she came right out and told me. He didn't cheat "per say" but was seeing another girl, and he broke up with my friend. He still wants to be friends and kindof keep her on the back burner, but she said no way. Shes more angry than upset. I would like to make a note right now, my friend is quite horny and she sees sex as a mostly physical act, so she has casual sex sometimes. Well after they broke up, one of her friends came over and they had sex, she told me. She said that she was starting to kindof like the guy she had sex with in a more than physical way, but he texted her in our class and told her the only reason he had sex with her was to try to rekindle feelings he had for her, but it didnt work, so hes out of the picture. She also told me about something she said that I really enjoyed hearing, she was talking to her mother after the breakup and said "I need to call *****(Me), I think he'd be the best person to talk to about this" or something to that extent, so that made me feel good. PS: I'm not after her because she puts out, I just like her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Sounds very promising Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 Do you think I should worry about how quickly she went and had sex with that guy after the breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted October 8, 2003 Moderators Share Posted October 8, 2003 Most definitely. Commence concern subroutine now. She is clearly a little ... ummm ... loose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 I wouldnt say loose, I only know of 3 guys shes had sex with and its spread out over a time, and 2 of the guys were steady boyfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Sweet lovely Beatnik! <sigh> Would that I had been paying attention as soon as you had posted this so as to help perhaps nip it in the bud, so to speak! Okay, so in case that original sentiment did not get my opinion of the subject across: WHOA! Slow down! Take it easy! Pause button on the hormones, hombre! Yeah. So where was I? Oh, yes. I was just about to point out two things: 1.) Ms. Ambiguity, and 2.)"New Girl." I take it nothing happened with either of these ladies, and now the Beatnik's attention span of 12.35 seconds has shifted yet again? Or is this a classic scenario of, "Wow, the girl I really liked all along is suddenly 'available' and I should jump on the, er, opportunity!" ?? My lovely young gent, if you're so keenly able to shift your amorous attentions from lady to lady to lady, it's hardly a wonder that any of them might be reluctant to become involved, even if you are a terrific guy (which, as I have said before, you have struck me as such a fellow!) Don't get me wrong, dearest Beatnik; methinks it is grand that you have such an open, agenda, shall we say. But methinks that you should also take a moment to consider what you're truly looking for. You're obviously a smart, considerate fellow who has much to share with a deserving girl. Don't hyperextend yourself to the point where you become jaded! Okay. (Thanks to Curt for leaving his soapbox lying around. It was useful.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 Whoa whoa whoa! I know it may seem like I have a short attention span for women but let me explain somethings: When I like a girl it generally lasts for quite a while, for instance the whole thing with me and Ms. Ambiguity lasted for several months! After a while I realized she was just in it for the free movie tickets and dinners, a fact established by a comment she made to me... New Girl - Frankly I did like her and still kindof do, but her hardcore religiousness was just simply going to clash with my agnostic beliefs, so I just decided to be her friend. I don't start to like a girl until I get to know her, looks mean nothing to me if you have a rotten personality. My lovely young gent, if you're so keenly able to shift your amorous attentions from lady to lady to lady, it's hardly a wonder that any of them might be reluctant to become involved, even if you are a terrific guy I know it may seem like I possess some player-like qualities but its completely illusional. I am so very much a one-woman man. If I am in a relationship I don't even pay attention to other girls (unless their friends of course). Whenever I'm in a relationship I always feel lucky to be in the relationship, and would never DREAM of doing anything to screw it up. In fact I don't really care for dating, especially having dates with different girls in the same general time, it makes me feel like I'm playing them and I hate that feeling. I also hate being alone, but its not a space I let just any girl fill, I do have standards, and I have to feel that spark. This girl is pretty, smart, funny, and I feel just so comfortable around her, in a way I don't think I have ever been before. So heres what I was thinking: OK, she possess my required qualities and I feel that spark, and now shes single. So its just a "the planets in alignment" kindof thing to me. PS: I tried out the soapbox but I hit my head on the ceiling...ouch...lol Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 Okay. Sorry to get all stern and lecturing on you. As you well know, I only have what you've posted here to go on, so I just wanted to point those things out and call you on them. You have presented a good defense against my contentions, and I am again quite impressed. I still stand by the notion that any girl who lands your attention is likely a lucky one, even should she not consider herself as such. I'm sorry to hear that Ms. Ambiguity was simply enjoying your wallet's attentions! In terms of New Girl, that was just last week, so since I'm the old lady that I am, it seems quite abrupt to have shifted gears like that. My primary concern with what you've described with this recent break-up girl is twofold: Firstly, if she just got out of a relationship, especially one in which she was quite attached to her boyfriend, she is likely not in any place to enter into another relationship so quickly. Now, I can say that there are exceptions to this rule; my almost four year marriage is going through the motions of legally ending, but it's been over between my exhb and I for a fair amount of time previous to that, at least from my side. I'm not at all actively looking, but if someone were to come along (which is not at all something I expect, mind you.) I wouldn't be opposed to exploring the possibility. Again, this is not something I actually expect to have happen, since this is reality and not Hollywood. Anyway, the other half of my concern is that she so rapidly went out and slept with this other guy that was an ex of hers, if I understand it right. That right there is a pretty good indicator that she is not ready to be with anyone else, truly. It is not at all easy to be with someone for any amount of time, and then have to adjust to being alone. People will more willingly be with whomever is willing to pay affection to them than to be alone, especially in times when they're hurting. Often once the initial shock of the breakup has faded, so too does the "relationship" they may have entered into. If you really want to be with her, allow for the eventuality. I know Curt would warn against being "in the friend zone," but from a female perspective, (granted not a common one as I have come to find out, not to sound arrogant) having someone who comforts me is a much more important factor in a time such as she is going through. What you have to know is whether you are willing to only be friends with her, since that is definitely a possibility. What that boils down to is I would hate to see you get emotionally invested if the feeling is not to be returned. That, my dear Beatnik, 'sucks.' Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 Actually I think she may be ready to date again, it never really seemed like she had any emotional attactment to the guy, and is not upset, just pissed off about the way he went about it. Link to post Share on other sites
robnizzy Posted October 8, 2003 Share Posted October 8, 2003 First off man if you want the girl LET IT BE KNOW TO HER, Because if she doesn't know u have strong feelings for her she will move on and find a new guy and you'll be waiting for her AGAIN!(And thats not what you want, I know) As far as the time thing, it doesn't matter if your feeling her let her know. Its not a bad thing to let someone know that you like them and you want a future with them. Oh and you talked about the guys she's been with, I'm tellin you if you look at that then you don't need to be with her...NEVER look at something she does if shes not with you! Its not fair to her, you understand what I'm sayin..Trust me man I been in the same thing you are in Link to post Share on other sites
Author Beatnik Posted October 8, 2003 Author Share Posted October 8, 2003 Your right I need to let her know. She told me that she had sex with another guy last night, lol. I don't really care about that because shes careful and hell shes single, if I was a girl I'd probably be doing the exact same thing. If we do get together I wont worry about her cheating because she was completely monogamous with her other boyfriends. I gave her my home phone # yesturday because my cell phone was taken away, but I got it back at lunch today, unfortunatly she had already left school by then so I couldnt give it to her and I didnt get her number so I can't call her today. To tell the truth, and I don't mean to sound like the typical guy here, I wouldn't be surprised if the two of us end up sleeping together in the near future, because the guys that she had sex with were friends too. Link to post Share on other sites
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