PulseNZ Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 I’m a 21yo male in love and so utterly confused and have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I met a girl nearly two years ago now, we fast became friends and many times she told me that she is so thankful to have met me and she can’t imagine life without me etc. I totally agree, she is everything to me, much more than just friends. Our connection is something extraordinary not just friendship. Yet she does not want to take it any further, in fact she started seeing a new boyfriend. When this happened, I figured that all our long talks into the night, every special moment we had, I over-analysed and that we are in fact just close friends (this was extremely painful as you can imagine). Before I met her, I was planning on moving overseas next year, but I changed these plans because I couldn’t bare to leave her. I still don’t want to leave her or any of my friends for that matter, but life must go on and I have decided to leave again, partly because leaving seems less painful than seeing her with someone else. When I told her I was leaving again, she started to cry and she pleaded with me to stay for at least another 6 months next year, she thinks me going overseas is a good idea for a period of time but I should promise her I will come back. Unfortunately I could not make that promise. I am permanently moving overseas, there are many reasons for this, job offers and family etc. Now whenever I see or talk to her, which has reduced from almost everyday to once every couple of weeks, things aren’t the same. Finally, many times we have talked about marriage etc (not marriage to each other, just the subject) her repeated view is that she would not like to meet her future husband for at least another few years as she is still young and has much to do in life first. She has told me many times that her current boyfriend is nothing serious, just a bit of fun, she has no intention on marrying him one day. Is this a hint to me that we are still too young and that I should do an OE first, leave her to have some more ‘fun’ and I should do the same? There have been many hints at this but no direct words. In particular one time while on the subject of our relationship I told her “Well, we are still young, we have all the time in the world” and she replied “Exactly!” and then mumbled to herself “Finally I’m getting through to you”… But to top it off, all these bits of information and subtle hints that I get from her have usually been while she is intoxicated… I don’t know what to believe. Do I continue with my plans to leave? I’m guessing that if she truly feels that strong about me, she will reveal more information before I disappear. I have revealed my love to her many times to no avail. I would however change my plans without a second thought if she would just tell me the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted November 24, 2002 Share Posted November 24, 2002 It sounds like she's confused, she's not ready to make a long-term commitment, she still wants to see what's out there but she does love you. The timing is just way off, what a shame! Go ahead with your plans to move, at least for the time being. I don't think I would even trust a change of heart on her part at this point. She is still emotionally immature and fickle and could change her mind back and forth many times. You don't need to get jerked around. Don't blame her. It's just a developmental thing that takes place in the psyches of many people, men and women. When she's ready to settle down, there will be no questions about with whom on her part and she won't even think about dating other people. She may not be ready to settle down for some years...or it could be in six months...who knows? You don't need to gamble with your future. Enjoy yourself overseas and be careful for Al Qaeda...they can be as bad as bad realtionships! Link to post Share on other sites
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