i dont know what to do...im so confused. help me!!!

[Dametrius]

ok...long story so, ill try to keep it somewhat short but descirptive enough to letyou know the story from both sides.

 

i met this girl at a church camp at the beginning of summer. we liked eachother but didnt know it until the last night when we kinda hooked up there. we went home and emailed and chatted everyday. it was great....

 

i liked her more than i had ever liked anyone. the only problem was that we lived 2 and half hours away...now, you would say thats not bad. but, were 16. so, it was difficult but we kept getting to know eachother and we both were falling in love.

 

i went down to visit her 3 weeks after camp....it was amazing. we were so close. and, her family was awesome and we all got along great. i came home and we were talking...and, she said...my brother(hes 25) loved you, and he kept asking me what im doing...we live so far apart, he wants us to be together....we both didnt know what to do so we didnt d naything. we kept chatting and emailing....i fell in love with her.

 

then a mon. later she came to visit me. same thing, my family loved her...it was so perfect...except the distance. well, she acme home and we were talking...and she kinda gave me an ultimatum about being together...since, it was what i wanted more than anything i was happy to say yes.

 

well, we had been together for abuot a week when things started to get weird. see, this girl is one of the most hottest girls ive ever seen in person(no joke)...and, i was worried a lot of the time because she had always had boyfriends...and, i was worried that she needed someone tobe close to her in distance. well, she started not emailing as much...talking less on aol. after a couple of weeks, and me saying a few times..."do you really want this? its ok if you dont, ill understand" and her replying "no, im happy. i want this"....well, i wasnt totally convinced. but, after a couple of weeks of her distancing herself...i decided i had to know for sure.

 

so, i said how bout i come down to visit you over labor day? she was excited. at least seemed to be....shes a hard one to read lol. anyways, i went down there....and, she had this carnival type thing for her school, and so she asked me if i wanted to go...of course i was going to say yes. i was the boyfriend! but, she wanted to bring her 2 friends....i started to get the hint she didnt want to be with me alone. well, we went to the carnival and she acted so weird! i mean...she practically ignored me. she referred to me as her "friend" and would give guys these really nice hugs right in front of me! so, that was awkward....but, i knew i had to give her another chance...since that was only the first night.

 

but....it was all basically the same thing. i knew she didnt want this, but didnt want to hurt my feelings...and she said that she didnt want to lose me. so, i broke up with her for her and told her i was in love with her before i left....she gave me ahug goodbye and during the hug she said, i was...i am. so, that made me rally sad that we loved eachother but that we lived so far away.

 

anyways....its been a couple of weeks since then and its more of the same thing. she just odesnt put anything into our relationship as friends...and, its so hard for me because i still love her but she doesnt want to feelt hat way. so this is my problem:

 

she hinted a lot at me asking her to my homecoming about a week ago, so i asked her...(yay!!) i was hoping that maybe if she came things could be different with us. but, i also just wanted us to be close and i knew that if she came i would be able to not let it be awkward again and that we could have some closure.

 

but...then i started to think, well...maybe she wasnt hinting(which she was)..maybe she doesnt really want to go with me that shes only saying yes because its me. so, asked her for a couple of days a coupleo f different times. she said no, that she really wanted tog o with me. then...i wondered if she was just trying to rack up the homecomings.(cause, lets face it...sometimes people do that).

 

so, i asked her-"do you want to go with me, or are you going just to go?" she said...NO, i want to go with YOU. we'll have fun. anyways, im already going to 4 so its not like im trying to use you. that hurt me a lot i guess when she said that...cause, why would it be any different with me than with the other 4 guys? i thought, its not gonna mean anything to her if she goes with me...maybe she really is trying to rack up the homecomings.

 

anyways, i talked to her bestfriend who is in love with her, but he is a pretty reliable person to talk to...(i know whta your thinking) but, he is. but, he said..dude, shes using you. you should just not go. DONT GO. he kept saying...plus everyone else i talked to said she was using me and that i shouldnt go. so, i wrote her this email....it was mean. it was wrong. i shouldnt have written in. but, in it i said, your just using me to make yourself seem popular...and so forth. i said other things that were harsh. but, i was feeling very used at the time..and i didnt like it.

 

so, she comes online and stuff...and was like hey! how are you! im so excited to be going with you! i was like...did you get my email? she was like..no. so, i was thnakful she hadnt gotten it and started saying little stuff about being happpy to go wtih her. but, then she said...hey, i just got an email from you! i was like...WAIT! DONT READ IT! she started to get mad...but stopped. and then she just seemed to be hurt. it killed me. but, i was still confused so i kept asking questions about it...and, then she said...look, i want to go with you. but, you keep changing your mind so i dont knwo what you want. your the one quesitnoing everthing. when you get tyour final answer email me so i can tell my mom if i need to return everything.

 

i felt horrible i emailed her that night saying was wrong...apologizing. i reallynice email. she didnt write back. then, friday night i tried to talk to her on aol...she didnt werite back. i emailed her again cause she was leaving to go to another guys homecoming. she just got back today, and she doesnt want to go with me anymore. she said, i dunno..it will be weird. but, i knew she wasnt sure about everything....then she said, on friday(the day of my homecoming) my friends who are in a group are going t sing to me for my birthday and everyone is going to decorate my locker and stuff and if went with you i would miss school that day. i was like...well, i dont want you to miss out on that. then i even told her that she could come up after school and i wuold take her back sat. morning. she said...i have a football game.

 

but, before all this....she had said something like, i dont want to go cause it will be weird between us. she was like, we might get close again...and want to be with eachotehr again. but, she said that she just couldnt do that again. that things might not work out again and she would hurt me and we would go through all this crap again...so, i knwo she still has feelings for me. and, i know that if i can get her to come....i can bring those out again.

 

its hurting me more not knowing if were meant to be....like, if only for a little while. at least longer than 2 weeks like last time. shes scared of getting hurt...so am i...but, im more scrared of not knowing her. and, thats exactly what will happen if she doesnt come up the 27th of sept.

 

please tell me how i can convince her...i need closure with her. if you only have one thing to say about anything, ill appreciate that you actually read this. please.

 

p.s. she kept saying that we needed time...i said, i think you need time. im sorry for what i said, it wasnt true and im so sorry.

 

if i could take it back i would. stuff likle that...she was just like i need tiem. then before i left, i said "i dotn know what you want...just thursday you wanted to go...now you dont. if you dont know yet, ill wait. if you dotn want to go, but just dont want to tell me, i can take it. she said 3 words. "i need time". i said, ok.

 

ill wait. whether its 2 hours with you or 2 days, your worth waiting for. then i left without getting an answer casue i wasnt sure what'd she say. tell me what to do! what i should say! what shes tinking! help me!!! thanks!!!

[clia]

For future reference, please use some paragraphs! (You might even want to go back and edit...you'll get more responses. It's very hard to read as it is.)

 

Okay, dude, let me tell you, if she is being all wishy washy like this, your best bet is to say "Oh, okay, well, I guess I'll just ask that cute girl in my English class. No worries, bye!"

 

What you are doing right now is chasing her. Girls love this. They will put up with it even when they don't really like the guy all that much. It makes them feel special and popular. But what really throws them off is when the guy suddenly cools down, steps back, and goes on with his life without them. The girl is left wondering "What is he doing? Why isn't he after me anymore? What happened?" Then the girl starts freaking out and goes after the guy (or at least starts showing some reciprocity.)

 

For whatever reason (who knows?), she seems to have cooled off toward you. She's obviously dating other guys if she's going to 4 homecomings this year. And, let's face it, you are 2 hours away from each other. That's far when you are in high school. Very far. It's hard to have a relationship like that, and really not very appealing from the girl's end! Plus, she has already told you that she will hurt you. LIsten to her! She's not lying! She will hurt you. She's being honest. She's not in love with you the way you are in love with her. She will hurt you if you continue to pursue this. Why bother? She already hurt you when you went to visit by the way she acted! Do you want to be hurt even more? Moooooove on!

 

What I think you need to do is back off. I know you want closure, but we don't always get what we want. Sometimes it's better just to drift away and move on. If you drift away instead of hounding her, she will wonder what happened to you. Trust me, she will. She will wonder and wonder and wonder. Good! Let her wonder! And you'll be out having fun with your cute date at Homecoming and whoever else you might meet! Don't contact her again. Just leave her alone.

 

And when girls say "I need time", it means "I'm really not interested, but I'm hoping that if I tell you I need time, you'll just back off and leave me alone so I don't have to specifically tell you I'm not interested because that makes me feel mean, and if we don't talk for awhile, then you will go on with your life without me and this will all just go away."

 

It's the easy way out. Sorry.

[just_a_girl]

Originally posted by clia

What you are doing right now is chasing her. Girls love this. They will put up with it even when they don't really like the guy all that much. It makes them feel special and popular. But what really throws them off is when the guy suddenly cools down, steps back, and goes on with his life without them. The girl is left wondering "What is he doing? Why isn't he after me anymore? What happened?" Then the girl starts freaking out and goes after the guy (or at least starts showing some reciprocity.)

 

I guarantee its not just girls that love being chased, many guys do to. Keep in mind that not responding to her and trying to move on may not make her wonder about you, she may move on and not think about you. I know that hurts to consider that, but unfortunately it is true. If you ever believe that backing off may make her wonder about you and come back, it probably won't happen.

 

 

Originally posted by clia

And when girls say "I need time", it means "I'm really not interested, but I'm hoping that if I tell you I need time, you'll just back off and leave me alone so I don't have to specifically tell you I'm not interested because that makes me feel mean, and if we don't talk for awhile, then you will go on with your life without me and this will all just go away."

 

It's the easy way out. Sorry.

 

 

That is a very harsh thing to consider that "i need time" really means "im not interested", but in most cases its true. If she cared about you she would be doing more to show it. Perhaps if she is bad with sharing her true feelings then it can be understandable, but i doubt this is her problem.

 

Goodluck.

:-)

[MercyRose]

In cases like this the only thing to do is always the most difficult. You have to ignore your emotions, hopes and dreams and look at the facts.

 

The whole cause of your misery from what i can see is her behaviour to you-that behaviour is a fact.

 

Another fact is when someone loves you and wants to be with you they will make the effort be with you, show an interest in you and reciprocate feelings.

 

When someone truly loves you you will never be in any doubt about that fact because they would never want to hurt you in any way.

 

Don't bother playing games with her to win her back. You are the only one who will suffer. She is well aware of your feelings since you have made them obvious so she has no doubts that you love and want her.

 

She has no need to find reasons, motives or hidden agendas for your behaviour towards her because it comes from love.

 

However you are sitting around in pain, wondering, suffering all becasue of her. You are hurt and confused by her behaviour. Therefore her behaviour can't possibly come from love can it?

 

There are lots of girls out there and most especially there is one special one waiting for you to come into her life so she can share her love with you.

[butterflyz]

any kind of hurt does not come from a place of love, only selfishness.