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All of a sudden he stopped talking to me!


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

Old 5th July 2002, 3:53 AM   #1
Doros girl-not
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Angry All of a sudden he stopped talking to me!

I became close friends with a guy in my class at college. Then it developed into a bit more than friends when we started flirting with eachother.

He used to call me, and arrange for us to go out with a group of college friends where he would flirt with me even more.

We were getting closer and more affectionate with eachother. Its like he really wanted to go a step further and ask me out on a date. But something seemed to stop him.

He would pay extra special attention to me and single me out at college but one day he started distancing himself from me. He spoke to me less and less, stopped paying attention to me and now he won't even say hello or goodbye to me. Nor will he even look at me.

I don't understand what happened. I am very angry about this and I am starting to hate him in a way-yet deep down I have tender feelings for him.

Don't tell me to go and ask him what happened because if i did that he will act all smug that he's affected me and may tease me in front of everyone.

I would just like to know if anyone has any idea why he acted this way?? I didn't say anything bad about him, treat him bad or indifferently. I was playful and flirtatious and we were getting along perfectly.

He doesn't even have a gf or anything, so it can't be that. And even if he did, I don't see why he had to start ignoring me completely.

It seemed that we were heading for a beautiful romance. Even my friends noticed and were expecting him to ask me out on a romantic date. What went wrong all of a sudden?
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Old 5th July 2002, 5:43 AM   #2
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YOU WRITE:

1. "Don't tell me to go and ask him what happened because if i did that he will act all smug that he's affected me and may tease me in front of everyone."


The ONLY way you will ever come close to knowing is by asking the ONLY person in the entire universe, that's from one end of time and space to the other, who knowS the answer to that question. That's the guy himself. Yeppers, he's the ONLY one who has that answer.

I am impressed with your psychic ability of knowing exactly how he will react. If you have this great psychic ability, you should also be able to determine the answer to your question with your incredible clairvoyance.

2. "I would just like to know if anyone has any idea why he acted this way?? I didn't say anything bad about him, treat him bad or indifferently. I was playful and flirtatious and we were getting along perfectly."

How would anybody here know that? We don't even know the guy. If he was right here in this same room with me, standing next to my computer, I wouldn't know he was the guy.

Now if you want some guesses, here goes:

*** He doesn't like you anymore.

*** He's now interested in somebody else.

*** He's been told he has AIDS.

*** He has a severe mood disorder, some other mental problem, low blood sugar, etc.

*** He has a nervous disorder and is too shaken up to ask you out.

3. "He doesn't even have a gf or anything, so it can't be that. And even if he did, I don't see why he had to start ignoring me completely."

Hey, lady, we live in a crazy world. You may as well learn that now. Many people are weird. They don't have to have a reason for doing what they do. Why he started ignoring you probably has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. It's his problem and his loss.

Just accept that he did you a favor. He showed you he isn't the guy for you so now you can forget him and go pursue guys who are very interested in you and have the cojones (courage) to ask you out.

4. "It seemed that we were heading for a beautiful romance. Even my friends noticed and were expecting him to ask me out on a romantic date. What went wrong all of a sudden?"

Nothing went wrong...everything went right, perfectly right. He wasn't the guy for you. The man upstairs shined his bright light upon you and said he was going to spare you great pain and heartbreak by getting this guy out of your life. And he did. You didn't have to go through a lot of crap like others. You are a very lucky lady. You have a friend somewhere in the heavens.

So stop being all disturbed about this. You got lucky. You don't need some complicated, unstable dork in your life to screw it all up so stop wishing he was. That's crazy!!!
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Old 6th July 2002, 4:37 AM   #3
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I understand where you are coming from. It would be some closure to know what he was thinking. If you have mutual friends, maybe you will find the answer some day. Some people just do business that way. Slowly ignoring someone instead of facing them. Whatever his reasons, just let him go. Don't beat yourself up over it. It was nothing you did. Just keep being yourself and I'm sure you'll find someone more compatible.
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Old 8th July 2002, 10:01 PM   #4
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There are some men like that

It's not just him, there are many men in this universe who change their mind just like they change their underwear. That's the answer! Something happened along the way when it hit him instantly that he was no longer interested. What that also means is that he didn't have a caring bone in his body while you were seeing him in the beginning.

It's simple, when a person is very interested in someone, they don't just change their mind over night. Your wasting precious time and energy trying to figure out something he probably doesn't know the answer to.
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Old 8th July 2002, 10:38 PM   #5
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Doros girl-not

i have been in this forum for quite sometimes and you know what I see

when people have problem, they seem to blame other people for causing it. Not many people here admited that they are the one cause the problem.

NOW Let get back to your situation.

First thing you do is to ASK yourself did you do anything wrong in the last conversation you had with him ?

The fact is nothing in the world happens for NO REASON. You guys either said or do something wrong.

When you see him next time, just tell him that "you are sorried if you do something wrong"

you will jump up and ask why do i want to do that? i'm a perfectly human being.

i told you to do that for reasons and they are

1-If he said it is not your fault, there is something wrong with him

FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW

if he said "don't worry about" or something like that, that means something wrong with you. However, he feels that he can still be with you. You see

2- When you say "you are sorried if you do something wrong", it doesn't mean that it's your fault.

it means that You are a nice and responsible person and have a good moral character

when you know what goes wrong, you can decicise if you want to pursue a new relationship with him or it is time for you to MOVE ON

in the end, there is no bad feeling between you and him

GOOD LUCK AND KEEP POSTED

Last edited by questionaire; 8th July 2002 at 10:40 PM..
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Old 9th July 2002, 2:59 AM   #6
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This has happened to me a few times

What I've found out about guys who do that is....they get freaked out, realize you are special and then get scared. They usually end up calling 3 months later realizing they are an idiot. This exact same thing happened to me once....then again later with someone else. They said I was "too perfect" ....but who knows LOL could be a line. Anyway, that's what they both told me, and whether it was the actual truth or not, it made me feel good about myself, and better about the situation.
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Old 9th July 2002, 11:24 PM   #7
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Once

I was in a situation, only once, where this particular guy would back off completely after telling me he loved me or after we became real close. This had happened over and over like a broken record (I allowing it of course).

I completely agree that can happen. It was my first thought after reading your post. I just assumed that people who get frightened of their own emotions is rare. Most people go with emotions and not fight against them.

Perhaps it comes from being severely hurt emotionally in their past. Say this guy feels himself becoming vulnerable because he has a strong interest. Now hes going to do everything in his power, under the sun to reject his feelings for you. If you were to approach him you probably would get rejected.

It's best to forget about the possibility of dating him any longer and let him come to you. In my experience me and my guy would see each other for about two months and than he would run kicking and screaming from me for about three. When he left I stopped asking why and just said fine. Than I would go about my own business and date whom ever I wanted. That drove him crazy! At this time we are seeing each other again. Were in our second month again, but the signs I'm recognizing this time is, is that he's actually trying loosen up and relax about being in a "labeled" r/s.
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