queenie Posted January 28, 2002 Share Posted January 28, 2002 ok- to make it short- got intensely involved in a 6 week relationship, i am separated a year so i have had my "alone" time. the guy however had only been separated about 6 months, 4 of those he lived with family, lived 1 month on his own and then met me so he has not had the "alone" time needed after a breakup of a marriage. he wakes up one morning and tells me that he feels"uncomfortable", trappped and smothered and he just cant be in a relationship right now. Wants to be my friend etc. i am very very close to his kids. so we have talked on the phone, i have been over to spend the day with him and the kids. All is well when we are together, no distance or awkwardness at all. Talking, joking laughing like old times. He met my friend and i (planned) at the club we always go to on saturday. as usual- total comfort, laughing talking, drinking ( but not sloshed drunk), he danced with me and we ended up making out pretty passionately. he did not go home with me however, although i could see that he intended to, as he pointed out he enede up pretty drunk and didn't think it was wise to drive across town to my place, and then back to his. (Couldn't go to his as he has family staying there right now). Asked me not to be mad etc., and i was totally cool about it. All he keeps telling me is he needs space, time to himself, he wasn't ready for a relationship and he really thought that it was what he wanted. How do i go about getting this guy back? My whole being, instinct and gut tell me he is the one. i have felt that way since the day i met him. and i know he felt very intensely about me too. All i read from the other night is that there is obviously still an attraction between us, i know there is. Everyone tells me take it slow, dont push him, keep up with the friend thing etc. Is that the right thing to do? I feel like a retarded teenager (I'm not)! He and I were both married along time and this was our first serious relationship since we split with our exes. I am sure i am rambling but this has been very hard for me. i can't really approach him too much on this as he gets a little uncomfortable. he says he doesn't know when he will be ready, but he doens't want to date anyone else either. (so he says). but i know for a fact he has been home all the time, going out with us was the first time in almost a month. Tell me what you think.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 28, 2002 Share Posted January 28, 2002 Please don't waste any more time with this guy. If you do, you will be a masochist. Do not call him, do not visit, etc. You have to drop him like a bad habit. Why? He's not ready for a relationship, and he even told you so. You'll be setting yourself up to be hurt if you stick around. By the time he's ready for a relationship, you should be long gone and living your life. Trust me, this will not get better. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted January 28, 2002 Share Posted January 28, 2002 Please don't waste any more time with this guy. If you do, you will be a masochist. Do not call him, do not visit, etc. You have to drop him like a bad habit. Why? He's not ready for a relationship, and he even told you so. You'll be setting yourself up to be hurt if you stick around. By the time he's ready for a relationship, you should be long gone and living your life. Trust me, this will not get better. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 Well, Im in the same boat with you. Except a year longer. We both go out and see other people. If this guy is anything like the one Im crazy about and sounds lie him. Than he needs time. Could be a month could be a decade. You both sound like your on the rebound. I wouldnt put to much emotion into it. He loves you and you love him but there is something stopping him that only he can figure out. My story is so long and complicated it would take a half hour to talk about. I just can only say goodluck. ok- to make it short- got intensely involved in a 6 week relationship, i am separated a year so i have had my "alone" time. the guy however had only been separated about 6 months, 4 of those he lived with family, lived 1 month on his own and then met me so he has not had the "alone" time needed after a breakup of a marriage. he wakes up one morning and tells me that he feels"uncomfortable", trappped and smothered and he just cant be in a relationship right now. Wants to be my friend etc. i am very very close to his kids. so we have talked on the phone, i have been over to spend the day with him and the kids. All is well when we are together, no distance or awkwardness at all. Talking, joking laughing like old times. He met my friend and i (planned) at the club we always go to on saturday. as usual- total comfort, laughing talking, drinking ( but not sloshed drunk), he danced with me and we ended up making out pretty passionately. he did not go home with me however, although i could see that he intended to, as he pointed out he enede up pretty drunk and didn't think it was wise to drive across town to my place, and then back to his. (Couldn't go to his as he has family staying there right now). Asked me not to be mad etc., and i was totally cool about it. All he keeps telling me is he needs space, time to himself, he wasn't ready for a relationship and he really thought that it was what he wanted. How do i go about getting this guy back? My whole being, instinct and gut tell me he is the one. i have felt that way since the day i met him. and i know he felt very intensely about me too. All i read from the other night is that there is obviously still an attraction between us, i know there is. Everyone tells me take it slow, dont push him, keep up with the friend thing etc. Is that the right thing to do? I feel like a retarded teenager (I'm not)! He and I were both married along time and this was our first serious relationship since we split with our exes. I am sure i am rambling but this has been very hard for me. i can't really approach him too much on this as he gets a little uncomfortable. he says he doesn't know when he will be ready, but he doens't want to date anyone else either. (so he says). but i know for a fact he has been home all the time, going out with us was the first time in almost a month. Tell me what you think.... Link to post Share on other sites
Sue Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 Hi Velvet- I think I might be in a similar situation to yours. Would you mind sharing your story? If you want you can email me or just post it on here-I could really use some advice and perhaps I can offer you some as well. Thanks ! -Christy <e-mail address removed> Well, Im in the same boat with you. Except a year longer. We both go out and see other people. If this guy is anything like the one Im crazy about and sounds lie him. Than he needs time. Could be a month could be a decade. You both sound like your on the rebound. I wouldnt put to much emotion into it. He loves you and you love him but there is something stopping him that only he can figure out. My story is so long and complicated it would take a half hour to talk about. I just can only say goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie Posted January 30, 2002 Share Posted January 30, 2002 hey velvet- write me at my email. sounds like we are in the same boat. wish i could give this guy up but i cant. my email addy is <e-mail address removed> Well, Im in the same boat with you. Except a year longer. We both go out and see other people. If this guy is anything like the one Im crazy about and sounds lie him. Than he needs time. Could be a month could be a decade. You both sound like your on the rebound. I wouldnt put to much emotion into it. He loves you and you love him but there is something stopping him that only he can figure out. My story is so long and complicated it would take a half hour to talk about. I just can only say goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
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