I was talking to Rhys the other day and I asked him if he would be upset or hurt if we ever broke up? (I had no intentions of breaking up with him but I just wanted to ask) and you know what he said??
"Hmmm...oh I'd probably be a bit cut for a few days, then I'd get over it...why? Would you be upset?"
Me: "Hell yes I would! I would die without you, you know that!!"
Him: "Oh well, you would just have to move on...."
Are all guys like this with a break-up? I mean, the fact that we're young probably contributes to it alot. I've been told that when a guy turns 30 he finally starts to think with his brain and heart...
But yeah...I was spun out. He just wouldn't care, basically is what he was saying? I found it really dis-heartening to hear it to be honest...
This doesn't mean that he doesn't love me, does it??
Rule #1: Never, ever ask a question that you may not like the answer to.
He's very likely telling you the truth, but even so, I would have worded it a bit differently.
Your comment about thinking with the brain and the heart is right on. See, if you and he split without the chance for reconciliation, he'd really not have much of a choice but to move on. You wouldn't actually expect him to pine after you for the rest of his days, would you?
And no, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. It just means that he's confident that, whatever happens, he'll deal with it.
That's good news.
__________________ Warning: Keep out of reach of children. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this advice.
Relationship starts between two people highly attracted to each other.
One or both cannot communicate and/or has little emotional maturity.
Resentment builds and the relationship is filled with power imbalances.
Soon the powerless one, which is often the woman (because men tend to overstate the value of being the dominant one), realizes the imbalance isn't going her way.
The guy claims the power by showing indifference, a lack of emotion, general disrespect.
She realizes she's attractive to other guys who are willing to listen and treat her nicely. She has more fun with her friends. She finds the ability to make herself happy and finds interests outside the relationship. Over time the woman realizes the guy isn't such a key ingredient to her happiness.
When she comes to this realization, the man's power mysteriously disappears from his hands and there is no way to get it back. He notices she's a bit distant and less worried about things. He gets super-insecure and vigilant, maybe even possessive.
Initially she doesn't admit it when he asks over and over, but over time she realizes she wants out.
The guy's ego can't take it and Mr. I Don't Care becomes Mr. I'll Die Without You.
In the end she feels liberated and moves on to something healthier.
And he feels completely dumbfounded and even betrayed. He either learns from this and finds some emotional maturity, or he becomes a bitter misogynist and has the same thing happen to him over and over.
Relationship starts between two people highly attracted to each other.
One or both cannot communicate and/or has little emotional maturity.
Resentment builds and the relationship is filled with power imbalances.
Soon the powerless one, which is often the woman (because men tend to overstate the value of being the dominant one), realizes the imbalance isn't going her way.
The guy claims the power by showing indifference, a lack of emotion, general disrespect.
She realizes she's attractive to other guys who are willing to listen and treat her nicely. She has more fun with her friends. She finds the ability to make herself happy and finds interests outside the relationship. Over time the woman realizes the guy isn't such a key ingredient to her happiness.
When she comes to this realization, the man's power mysteriously disappears from his hands and there is no way to get it back. He notices she's a bit distant and less worried about things. He gets super-insecure and vigilant, maybe even possessive.
Initially she doesn't admit it when he asks over and over, but over time she realizes she wants out.
The guy's ego can't take it and Mr. I Don't Care becomes Mr. I'll Die Without You.
In the end she feels liberated and moves on to something healthier.
And he feels completely dumbfounded and even betrayed. He either learns from this and finds some emotional maturity, or he becomes a bitter misogynist and has the same thing happen to him over and over.
Very observant, johan. And actually quite clear when it's put down like that...
I just wish it was that easy...but see, I am lost without him. That part about me finding better things will never happen...I will always be hanging on his every word like a little puppy...
I have asked this question. And I shouldn't have. I got a similar answer.
In my case I wanted some reassurance that I was important to him, not really an answer to the question.
Boys think about stuff like this logically. If you left him - he would be upset, but he would not die, right? So that's what he said.
In reality, they often find that they feel differently about situations once they are actually happening. Reality sets in and they realise their thoughts about how it would be were wrong.
Yeah, but I didn't know that was going to be the answer....lol
That's why it shocked me. So does this mean that I am basically weak for not being able to move on if I ever lost him? (Cos I really wouldn't...)
Here's what I think. As long as you think like this, you'll be the one to give in in every argument. But it's exhausting to live in a state of constant worry like this. Any relief to be found will come from outside the relationship, and that is how you learn to get your happiness elsewhere. And that's a very slippery slope.
Very observant, johan. And actually quite clear when it's put down like that...
I just wish it was that easy...but see, I am lost without him. That part about me finding better things will never happen...I will always be hanging on his every word like a little puppy...
But anyway, very observant...
Hate to say it, but I have to..
You're too "into" him and he knows this. Be abit more independant. DO things on your own too, without having to rely on him for your own happiness. It will help you grow as a woman, and mature you in the relationship.
Don't assume just because you love him and he loves you, that he is the BE all and END all of men in your life. 10 years from now you two may not be together. Or maybe you two will be - For now, though, he has some maturing to do, as do you. Both of you need to learn how to handle conflict, arugements, and respect eachother, without name calling and disrespecting eachother.
You two could grow apart, things could get worse - And his reactions to you, the way he treats you could be intolerable, so you might end it. Who knows? Maybe, maybe not...
Also, don't ask loaded questions...Think you learned that tonight huh?
Here's what I think. As long as you think like this, you'll be the one to give in in every argument.
And if I don't then we will most likely break up...
The way I see it...I don't want to break up with him AT ALL so I give in. I take the blame. Cos the minute I stand up for myself he shoots me down again and threatens me with the break-up...
I just get too scared...I feel like I'm treading on thin ice when we're having an argument cos at any moment he is likely to snap and tell me to get going...
Okay - whoah! I have definately changed my mind about this!
You are scared to get out from under his thumb because you're worried he will break up with you? Not good!
If you don't like the way you act around him and the way he makes you so worried all the time, how do you love him so much?
So, you'd rather sit there, suck it up and feel like crap, letting him have HIS way so you two won't ever break up? Does the man EVER compromise? Does he actually know how to? He sounds spoiled to be honest. A guy who wants what he wants, and if you don't go with what he says, there's a threat of it ending...WTF is that? He needs to grow up and join the adult relationship world, not a pre-teen attitude.
I know too, you say he's a mama's boy. She does EVERYTHING for him and he's quite pampered. Another reason to learn to stand up to him, cuz otherwise you'll be doing it ALL for him later in life, while he's out and about having fun, you'll be home, with the kids, doing dishes and cleaning up after him. Nice...
I know you think I'm exaggerating, but hey, this is how selfish people who get their way ALL the time turn out later in life.
You can't be so afraid to be alone. You gotta find out who YOU are, without Rhys. You've made him your WHOLE life and that's not healthy. You live, breathe, eat and crap for him - But what does he do for you?
You're too "into" him and he knows this. Be abit more independant. DO things on your own too, without having to rely on him for your own happiness. It will help you grow as a woman, and mature you in the relationship.
Don't assume just because you love him and he loves you, that he is the BE all and END all of men in your life. 10 years from now you two may not be together. Or maybe you two will be - For now, though, he has some maturing to do, as do you. Both of you need to learn how to handle conflict, arugements, and respect eachother, without name calling and disrespecting eachother.
You two could grow apart, things could get worse - And his reactions to you, the way he treats you could be intolerable, so you might end it. Who knows? Maybe, maybe not...
Also, don't ask loaded questions...Think you learned that tonight huh?
My mum has told me I'm too dependent on him as well....
But I can't help it. I have fallen too deep now...I physically need to see him everyday. Tell him that I love him everyday. Just be a perfect girlfriend for him everyday so he wants to be with me...and I think that's what brings me down. i am trying so so so so so so so so so so so so so hard to make this relationship work, while he's sitting back enjoying the view...
I know he loves it. The attention and everything. He's very much like his father, actually. His mother is quite the slave to his father...
But anyway, I don't know. I just, I don't want to step back too far in case he thinks I'm not interested or whatever. I feel as though if I don't cling on tight I'm going to lose him. He'll move onto something better. I don't know....
I don't want to be having so many doubts like this...I have never been so happy (bizzare as it sounds) in my whole life since I have been with him. He has completed what feels like what I have been looking for. I feel so lucky to have him. That's why I am so scared...
My mum was telling me that the if I keep being so dependent on him, it's going to be majorly hard to see him off. Although I am not going to let that happen, just when we have an argument, I am crying and terrified that this is it. My life would be nothing without him...
And you know what? I reckon if I lost him tomorrow I would have no hestations about ending my life. And that's the truth....
So, you'd rather sit there, suck it up and feel like crap, letting him have HIS way so you two won't ever break up? Does the man EVER compromise? Does he actually know how to? He sounds spoiled to be honest. A guy who wants what he wants, and if you don't go with what he says, there's a threat of it ending...WTF is that? He needs to grow up and join the adult relationship world, not a pre-teen attitude.
I know too, you say he's a mama's boy. She does EVERYTHING for him and he's quite pampered. Another reason to learn to stand up to him, cuz otherwise you'll be doing it ALL for him later in life, while he's out and about having fun, you'll be home, with the kids, doing dishes and cleaning up after him. Nice...
I know you think I'm exaggerating, but hey, this is how selfish people who get their way ALL the time turn out later in life.
You can't be so afraid to be alone. You gotta find out who YOU are, without Rhys. You've made him your WHOLE life and that's not healthy. You live, breathe, eat and crap for him - But what does he do for you?
I really agree with all of the above.
To the OP, have you ever thought the reason he said that to you is because he knew it would make you uneasy?
If you have to be a doormat to keep the peace with someone, that isn't much of a relationship.
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