I broke up with my girlfriend 3 months ago. Since then, we've still kept in contact and occiationally have sex. About two weeks ago, i told her that I slept with someone else and she told me that she was interested in two other guys but were not intimate. After that, we got togheter and talked about geting back into the relationship, all the feelings we had initially started coming back and we were talking to each other again. We got into a fight about something really stupid. Until two days ago, she told me she went on a date with one of the guys she was talking to and ended up spleeping with him. I ask her to describe the experience, she said they had sex twice the say day for over an hour, took a shower and had sex again. I can't begin to describe how that keeps playing in my head over and over and over.

I ask her if she loved me she said yes, but was not sure about getting back togheter. That same day we ended up having sex and I couldn't go on because I reallize certain things. She wanted to try different things and that makes me feel as though, she wanted to try things her and that guy sheslept with did. I cant help feeling that she might have been thinking about him while being with me. Anyhow, I'm not sure what she told me is something I can accept. We have been togheter for close to two years, should I walk away and accept the fact that my girlfriend is not the same person who I tought she was? I'm I right to assume that half of her heart might be with that guy and she not so sure about us anymore? I'm I stupid for staying or leaving? I feel that I do love her but is my self respect more important? please help me , i need some answers because I'm a wreck right now.......

[Winfield]

Why complicate things after breaking up by keeping in contact and have her around as a "friend with benefits"? You're just avoiding the inevitable...not to mention torturing yourself when you hear she's been with another man! And as for asking her to describe the experience - well, you've no-one else to blame but yourself for asking her (when you knew full well that the truth would hurt)!

If she's unsure of whether to get back with you or not, she can't be in love with you - if she was, she'd grab the opportunity with both hands straight away. And besides, you feel that you love her? You either do or you don't - it's simple - it's either one or the other.

I think there's too much doubt and complication in your current situation with your (ex) girlfriend. Sometimes relationships change with time, and I think that's what's happened here. And you've been together for almost 2 years? Well, that is a long time...but just be greatful it wasn't 5, 10, 20 years (or even marriage) before this situation reared its ugly head!

I think it's best you let go of her completely (communication, friends with benefits, etc) and build a new trusting relationship with someone else right from the start.