[Ruff Ryder]

I was thinking long and hard about this last night.

A thought that came up is why do we all hurt so much? Why is everone that posts here (including me) going through pain?

Lets be real here for a second. Its human nature to want what you cant have to mourn over something lost. I'm starting to think about how lucky I was.

1- I had the chance to give unconditionall love. I may not have been getting it, but I can stand up and say I know what its like to love someone to know all their flaws all the bad habits all the lies their past and still love them. I know what it feels like to hold someone knowing that if need be you would put your own life on the line for them.

2- I had the chance to learn, I had the chance to learn how to deal with things loss and love. I learnt key elements to having a good relationship. I can take what I learnt and apply them to the next love.

3- I had the chance to feel what it was like to be at the lowest point of my life and I know that I can survive it if it happens again. I also know what it feels like and that I dont want to feel that again.

4- I relised that no person can make you happy only you can.

I understand that pain is real and its there when you break up with a loved one but look at the good that can come from it. Shift your perspective and you will start to feel better. I can say I have lived and lernt I've hurt and hurt people. But Im still alive and kicking and ready to do it all over again.

[amaysngrace]

Originally Posted by Ruff Ryder

A thought that came up is why do we all hurt so much? Why is everone that posts here (including me) going through pain?

Life is peaks and valleys. Many here are in a valley, experiencing pain. But it's in the valleys that we grow.

You have a healthy attitude towards it. You no longer harbor bitterness or resentment, but are taking something positive from the whole experience.

And that's what growth is.

[Jane Doe]

You have a wonderful attitude! Hope you stick around and share that with those here who are hurting.

[Ruff Ryder]

Life is all about vallys and peaks you are 100% correct. But you have no where left to go other than up when your in the vally.

As far as hurting goes I still hurt but for all the right reasons. Im no longer jellous or negitive. Im happy that she is happy and Im glad that she found someone else more suited to her. I hurt that I couldnt be that person then but Im happy cause I have been fortunate enought to experince good things.

There is a very famous sayin "take defeat and sucess and treat both the same" If your never in the "vally" then what do you compair the "moutain tops" too? You need the bad to be able to enjoy the good the way it should be.

Peace out all.

[loveinlife]

Originally Posted by Ruff Ryder

Life is all about vallys and peaks you are 100% correct. But you have no where left to go other than up when your in the vally.

As far as hurting goes I still hurt but for all the right reasons. Im no longer jellous or negitive. Im happy that she is happy and Im glad that she found someone else more suited to her. I hurt that I couldnt be that person then but Im happy cause I have been fortunate enought to experince good things.

There is a very famous sayin "take defeat and sucess and treat both the same" If your never in the "vally" then what do you compair the "moutain tops" too? You need the bad to be able to enjoy the good the way it should be.

Peace out all.

Hi Ruff Ryder,


I am glad you are doing so well. I thought what you said about comparing the lows to highs in life was really good. Its totally true what you said. If a person doesn't know what the low is how do they know what a high is. Good luck bro.

[scobro]

5)i had the chance to have the woman I love rip my heart out and stomp on it throwing me in to an endless feeling of lack and agony.

[Ruff Ryder]

My god mate your on the huge side of life if thats your pic.

Well I also had a girl rip my heart out break it up into little pieces and throw it on the floor then walk away leaving only me to pick up the broken pieces.

Its at that point that I learnt that you cant build your life around anybody other than yourself. If you do it can only fall down. What we need to remember true loves from 2 people can never die its never wrong nor jelous so the reason your not with your ex was someone telling you that it was not TRUE LOVE but rather a stepping stone to the next great part of your life.

Happiness and love are not the destination or the prise they the journy and living is the prise. So just be you be happy. Forgive the ones that hurt you forgive yourself for everything you did wrong. We all screw up and we all hurt and we hurt people in return. Learn to let pain go.

Remember you can never replace a lover you can only find a new one, dont try to forget a ex remember the good times take that foward with you into the next relationship.

Pain is part of life. Everone will feel it at some stage but some people may never get the chance to be loved and love in return. So always remember that you have had that experince.

Peace out all.

[dreaming4ever]

Wow....you sound so wise Ruff Ryder. How did you get to where you are now from the breakup? My boyfriend and I only broke up 5 days ago and I feel like hell and like I will never be able to be where you are right now. How do you reach happiness again? What did you do? I just want to lie in bed all day at this point and be upset

[Ruff Ryder]

Shame babygirl, I know what you feeling like right now. I know the pain and the tears and the fustration. Your mind is running circles on you and your heart is pullig you in 300 diffrent directions. You going from love to hate to anxious back to love. Your missing the parts of your life that counted to you???? Am I close there?

I know that your thoughts are drilling you into a hole and your passion is fading on you. You dont want to go out and have fun you cant see a happy ending and you cant sleep at night without crying?

I was there I was right where you are now. I was engaged for 3 years and invloved with her for 2 befor we got engaged. So I felt my world crash all around me when it ended.

How did I recover? Simple I made my world just that MINE. No person in life can hurt you or destroy you unless you let them. No amount of pain can destroy what you have if you keep it true to yourself. I had to learn to let go of the hate love fustration I learnt to do things that I wanted to do and not conform to the rites and wrongs of people.

What you need to do is change your mindset from "ill never be happy again" to "i was happy before I met him Ill be happy again". You need to be indiffrent to what other people say. You need to let go of the past and build your own future. If you in controll of your life then no one person can take that away. Next relationship make sure your parnter is part of your reality dont be part of his. Never build your life arround someone as that will only lead to it being broken and you left to pick up the pieces.

Try to understand that if someone is not ment to be with you, you should let them walk right out of your life. If someone is hurting you cut the rope that binds the pain. Learn to let go of your negitive emotions and take good possitive ones foward. This isnt easy you need to remind yourself all the time to stop being negitive and get possitive. You must most of all just live your life your way. You were born free with no attachments to anything I think thats the way we were all ment to carry on living. What is the point of building your entire life around someone/thing that at any point can and very possibly will destroy it "NONE". Go out have fune with your friends.

FORGIVE YOURSELF be honest with you and all will fall into place. Please im NOT saying its your fault that its over but you played a part in it some where I did to. Let go of that and learn from it. Forgive him for hurting you and again let go of it. You cant move into the future and expect it to be a good one whilst carring a bag of all the bad things that have happened to you. Learn to let your guards down again learn that you may be hurt again but it will all be so worth it just for the chance to love and be loved again.

I still have bad days very bad days and I still struggle but every day that passes is a day that Im closer to learning that much more about me that much more about life and that much more about true love.

Trust me when I say it will all turn out just the way its ment to.

xxx Ruff Ryder

[dreaming4ever]

Yes, you're right on about how I'm feeling. The worst is remembering all the fun things we did together and all the endless laughter and realizing that's never going to happen again. I could be alone forever now.....never to smile again. I hate not having anyone to share my life with.

Thanks for the advice...you definitely sound like you have healed quite well. I don't think your state of mind is one that I will be able to adopt right away but hopefully I will get there. I will just have to try to think positive and think that good things WILL happen to me and I CAN be happy but it's just far too easy to think bad thoughts. I will try......

[Ruff Ryder]

Thinking badly is the easist thing to do. I do it still I try not to.

When you feel that low in life you cant see the light at the end. But every storm has a rainbow after. Look at the good side of this. prehaps it didnt work cause tomorrow your going to walk right into the man of your dreams and the one your ment tospend your life with and if your involved you wouldnt even look at him twice. Maybe it happend to teach you some kind of lesson in coping or maybe in life. Maybe it happened to show you your future will be better spent with someone else. Maybe it happened to spare you the pain in 1 month 1 year or 10 years time.

I cant say why these things happen but they do happen all the time and at least once to everone alive.

Keep your chin up and if you need advise or friends this is the right place to be...

Much love Ruff

[Ruff Ryder]

Its 12:13am here in South Africa.

I've been seeing this girl for the last little while and she left for bangkock today for a while. I was sitting in my office thinking about it and I kinda miss her a bit. Wierd thing is Ive been seeing alot of her over the last month and just for the last wekk I havenr been thinking about my ex much at all.

And I miss the new lady already. Its wierd but cool.

Just thought i'd let you all know.