Should I consider divorce or not?
This may take up some space. I have been married almost 5 years and I have 3 children ages 7, 5 and 3. During the course of my marriage I have dealt with all kinds of issues- my husband used to have a drug problem and served jail time right after our second child was born, We got through it and I stood beside him. Then we dealt with a gambling addiction and I watched money we did not have be thrown down the pipes. Again- stood by him. Now I am dealing with severe financial issues.
My husband started his own business a few years ago- with no money to back it up and also against my wishes. He has buried us in financial debt and has written checks in large amounts to other companies that have been returned and I am being held responsible because my name is also on the account (although I have never used the account). He did not tell me about these debts- I found out after we get served with papers or I get surprise phone calls from pissed off people. He has been very dishonest with me about financial matters- I stay anxious and depressed all the time. We argue any time that money is mentioned- we can't even pay our personal bills as it is.
I also work- he is supposed to contribute each week to our bills but he is never consistent. I come home and find eviction notices(we rent), lights turned off, water off, etc. because he says he'll take care of it or tell me that he sent the rent check but lied about it to get me off his back. Our credit is being detroyed and it's like he is in some fantasy world and doesn't realize what he is doing to our family. I am also dealing with infidelity rumors- people drop hints that not recently but in the past year he has cheated on me with a couple of different people of course no one will tell me names or details so it makes it hard to confront him- I've tried and he tells me that I am crazy for listening to rumors and how could I "break up our family" over something that I have no "scientific evidence" of.
I have given him ultimatums to get a "real job" where he brings home a consistent paycheck every week and he tells me no- that I either like it or I don't(his self-employment). I feel like I have no security- we don't communicate, and we hardly have sex. People tell me that I am a very attractive woman so it's confusing to me that my husband rarely seems interested. I find myself constantly fantasizing about other men lately and although I have never condoned it I am seriously considering an affair. This is my big dilemma. Stay in the marriage or go? We have three little girls that love their daddy- I don't want to break their hearts. He loves them very much too- but I just feel like we have such an unhealthy marriage. We have tried talking and some counseling in the past but nothing ever gets solved.
I am so afraid to make the wrong decision. I worry about stupid things like how would I feel to see him with another woman if we were to divorce? How would she treat my kids? Has anyone dealt with that that has some advice on that particular issue? Anyway- I have asked him to leave the house and go stay with his parents so we could have a separation period so we could try to figure things out and he refuses. He says that either he gets to stay at home or we get a divorce. It just doesn't seem fair- I am so lost. Any advice would be appreciated. I am so tired of walking around like a zombie and feeling so numb.
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