[beccak]

is he worth it?
my boyfriend is in london and i live in manchester we have been together for a year. at the start of our relationship he told me that he would be moving to london. i wasnt sure that we should carry on seeing eachother but he said that it would be ok as we could see eachother at the weekends. he has been there for 7 weeks and i have only seen him 3 times i got really upset that he has not made the effort to see me and reminded him that he said that we would see eachother at the weekends and he replied with that he did not mean every weekend.

he barely makes the effort to keep in touch with me i will send him a text and he wont reply for days if it was up to him i doubt that we would speak from one week to the next. i dont fell that it is asking for too much to get one text a day when i dont see him. i have explained several times that his behaviour is hurting me and he still wont make the effort

the other main issue also is that he still doesn't love me i have said it to him this week and he didnt say it back. i cannot be any more thoughtful, caring or nicer to him i always do little romantic things for him and he does nothing to show he cares i feel like it is a constant battle for him to fall in love with me. its making me really unhappy any advice?

I have read your post. Hmmmm advice ..... Step outside of yourself for a second & you read it as if you did not type it.
I think you know the answer. (((hugs)))

[Rikka]

Originally Posted by Guest

I have read your post. Hmmmm advice ..... Step outside of yourself for a second & you read it as if you did not type it.
I think you know the answer. (((hugs)))

Now that is some good advice! I agree, I think you already know the answer

[PuppyDogEyes]

Originally Posted by beccak

he barely makes the effort to keep in touch with me i will send him a text and he wont reply for days if it was up to him i doubt that we would speak from one week to the next. i dont fell that it is asking for too much to get one text a day when i dont see him. i have explained several times that his behaviour is hurting me and he still wont make the effort

Your texting him and his lack of response is a clear sign that something isn't right here. I would assume that this would also apply to phone calls, IMs, and the like.

Unfortunately, as someone who has experienced an LDR (or two) in the past, I can tell you that communication is key in order to make these things work - and if the other person doesn't keep in contact with you on at least a consistent basis, the relationship is doomed to failure.

Originally Posted by beccak

the other main issue also is that he still doesn't love me i have said it to him this week and he didnt say it back. i cannot be any more thoughtful, caring or nicer to him i always do little romantic things for him and he does nothing to show he cares i feel like it is a constant battle for him to fall in love with me.

I was prepared to ask if the words were more important than the actions, but then I got to the last sentence of the above quote. If you're doing all of the work in the relationship to keep it strong, it's a one-way street. You already know something's wrong with the situation, or you wouldn't be here, right?

At this point, I unfortunately would see no other option than to back away. Perhaps if you do this, he may realize what he's missing and rally 'round to fix the relationship - but if you've already stated that what he does hurts your feelings and you've gotten not much of a response, I wouldn't count on this happening.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

- pde.

[angelsuzibabes]

Originally Posted by beccak

i cannot be any more thoughtful, caring or nicer to him i always do little romantic things for him and he does nothing to show he cares i feel like it is a constant battle for him to fall in love with me. its making me really unhappy any advice?

You have shown him your uncondititional love. Back off and see what happens. Its difficult but do try. TC

[michelleryan]

Originally Posted by beccak

is he worth it?
my boyfriend is in london and i live in manchester we have been together for a year. at the start of our relationship he told me that he would be moving to london. i wasnt sure that we should carry on seeing eachother but he said that it would be ok as we could see eachother at the weekends. he has been there for 7 weeks and i have only seen him 3 times i got really upset that he has not made the effort to see me and reminded him that he said that we would see eachother at the weekends and he replied with that he did not mean every weekend.

he barely makes the effort to keep in touch with me i will send him a text and he wont reply for days if it was up to him i doubt that we would speak from one week to the next. i dont fell that it is asking for too much to get one text a day when i dont see him. i have explained several times that his behaviour is hurting me and he still wont make the effort

the other main issue also is that he still doesn't love me i have said it to him this week and he didnt say it back. i cannot be any more thoughtful, caring or nicer to him i always do little romantic things for him and he does nothing to show he cares i feel like it is a constant battle for him to fall in love with me. its making me really unhappy any advice?

Hey, unfortunately I'd have to say that it might not be worth it if he really doesn't show you the affection that you are looking for back. Long distance relationships work perfectly fine, but both parties have to absolutely adore each other. I hope you can work out some kind of solution.

[Island Girl]

Originally Posted by beccak

he barely makes the effort to keep in touch with me i will send him a text and he wont reply for days if it was up to him i doubt that we would speak from one week to the next.

Does it sound like someone you should waste your time on?
Because you are wasting your time.
You are chasing a dream not reality. Reality is he is not into you. You need someone who is.

Originally Posted by beccak

i have explained several times that his behaviour is hurting me and he still wont make the effort

He won't make the effort because he does not care about making you happy. You need to move on to someone who does.

Originally Posted by beccak

he still doesn't love me i have said it to him this week and he didnt say it back.

You LOVE him?!!
Are you kidding me?
First - you haven't been together that long
Second - he is withholding, emotionally stringing you along, selfish, and withdrawn

You LOVE him? You love all of these things about him because it is still him we are talking about --- the guy who can't take a minute out of a day to send you a text message -- YOU LOVE HIM?

Originally Posted by beccak

i cannot be any more thoughtful, caring or nicer to him i always do little romantic things for him and he does nothing to show he cares

He does nothing to show you he cares because he doesn't. You are chasing a pipe dream. He is not concerned with how you feel at all. He doesn't care.

Originally Posted by beccak

i feel like it is a constant battle for him to fall in love with me. its making me really unhappy

You can't make a man love you by being a doormat. He has no respect for you. With a man, if he doesn't respect you, it is over.

What is making you unhappy is you are beating your head against a brick wall. Just open your eyes - look at the brick wall -- and say "this is so stupid! I don't want pain! I don't want silence!" and go outher and find someone who can and WANTS TO give you what you need to be happy. There are other guys out there.

Do not get so stuck on the fact that you can use the term 'boyfriend' in a sentence that you sacrifice your happiness and self-esteem just so you can keep saying it.

He is not your boyfriend in actions.

You know the saying, "if it walks like a duck and acts like a duck then it's a duck"?

Well, if it doesn't act like a boyfriend or behave like a boyfriend, it isn't a boyfriend.

Now go out there and find a real one that treats you well!

[Jane Doe]

I don't see one positive thing you're getting from this relationship. You'd be wise to move on. There's no need for long, drawn out good-byes or any kind of drama. Simply move on. Quite honestly, it sounds as though he already has. Free yourself up for someone who can show you love, respect and consideration -- none of which you're getting from this guy.

[Steff_a_nie]

I read your post and i must say that he obviously isnt willing to put in any effort into the relationsip and if he's not, you shouldn't either. You seem like a nice person and if he's not going to repect you and see that your trying to keep this relationship together that maybe you shouldnt. This relationship has been off to a bad start since he moved and i, in no way, see anything positive that's comming out of it. He doesn't sound like the type of person that can be in a LDR in the first place. I have been in a LDR for 3 years now and i know that they can work out but the way things seem to be going for you, it sounds like you deserve better, way better

(Also, you stated that he doesnt love you and chances are that being in a LDR wont help that happen at all)

Keep Your Head Up & Keep On Smiling .

[emmaUK]

let him go.

[Steff_a_nie]

Originally Posted by emmaUK

let him go.

I agree...