[crazyworld]

Ill try to keep this short... i know there are so many here looking for advice... just hope someone can help... maybe someone who went through same thing....

I started dating a girl about 8 months ago... at first i told her that i didnt think i was ready for a serious relationship... my reason... my life was a huge mess... i took huge risks since the only person i could effect at the time was myself... took on debt... lost my car... all to persue a dream... in middle of that i met this girl.... we started seeing each other... even though i told her i wasnt ready to be serious... she said she was ok with that.... we spent some time together... after about 2 months she told me she was becoming very attached.... wanted to know if this could be just us... not see anyone els... i told her absolutely.... it wasnt about me wanting to see other girls it was because my life was a mess... i had no money... no car... how could i be there for her with my life the way it was... she said she didnt care about any of that.... to be honest i was afraid of a serious relationship partly because of my life situation and partly because i was afraid of commitment... afraid i might hurt her or she might hurt me.... we are also 9 years apart in age... she is 23 i am 32...

so i always kept her at a distance... didnt give her enough time together... i never cheated... when we were together things were great.... but she felt hurt.... i found out later that it was killing her that i wasnt there for her... didnt give her enough attention....

then a week went by we didnt speak... i wanted to call her and didnt - she wanted to call me and didnt.... guess she was working her way up to giving up on me... that following weekend... a friend saw her on a date with another guy.....

I asked her about it the next day.... she said that it didnt mean anything... was just an excuse and that he didnt mean anything... but that we were over..... but that she wanted to talk....

at first i was like well why.... what for if you are done... i was upset and angry... but over the next few days i calmed down... we met and spoke over the phone several times.... she even told a friend of mine that she didnt want to tell me but that she did miss me.... but that she did want me to move on.... told me the same....

i told her why i kept her at a distance... but i told her how much it hurt for me to do that.... and that i wanted to give this a second chance.... that things would be different....

its been about a month.... ive given her many opportunities to tell me there is no chance of getting back or trying again... she never says no.... she only says things like she cant predict the future...

over the past few weeks it has mainly been me contacting her... although she always stays in touch... either answers my calls or calls me back.... every time we have spoke i have opend up and told her how much i care about her.... she has said repeatedly that she realizes im a nice guy and that she understands.... she just didnt know or felt that she couldnt give me another chance right now.... that she wanted to take small steps to hanging out again..... she is usually short with me on phone.... its been up to me to keep the conversation going....

There is also a chance that she is seeing someone....even though i dont think its anything serious....

What i am trying to figure out is how she might really feel.... and how i should approach this going forward.... i am willing to wait for her if i know that she might give this another chance.... but of course every day is killing me inside.... its so hard to avoid calling her..... i have tried.... i usually end up calling her 1 time a week..... ive decided to try and not call for a while.... just dont want her to think i have forgotten about her......

her birthday is coming - oct 14th.... i was thinking about waiting 3 weeks to a week before and then calling and maybe inviting her and her close friend for dinner with the option to come alone.... dunno - just dunno what to do - any advice would help me.... any advice at all

[turtle32]

I know what you are going through i am in the exact thing situation i did what you did push her away and wouldnt get clsoe and now i regret it i wish she would give me a second chnace she sayes she dont want anything right now, so i havent contacted her in about 5 days i am dying to call her but am afraid she will tell me to get lost i dont know how long to wait when i should call her or if i shouldnt i wish i had another chnace. I think if she misses me and likes me still she will come back but who knows she may find someone else. It hurts and dont know what to do.

[silentcharon]

Let her go!

You are just like my ex, who broke up with me and when I tried to remain friends only with him, he kept crossing the line, acting as if we were a couple minus the commitment. His excuses were exactly like yours, his life is a huge mess, blah, blah, blah. I did exactly what the girl did, I told him I didn't want anything to do with him while he made up his mind. He wouldn't commit to me, (I wasn't talking about marriage or anything like that, just date me) so I forced NC on him, even though he didn't want to go NC.

She didn't want to let you have your cake and eat it too, neither did I. Let her go- if you truly don't want to commit, leave her alone!! It infuriates me when people do this.

She is also just like my ex, who said he didn't know if there would be a second chance either. You should also move on, don't wait for her. She's not interested right now. Let this be a lesson learned.