I'm trying to convince myself I'm being retarded, overly "womanish", and making assumptions that aren't true.
For those of you who don't know my situaiton.. I live with my bf, been dating for 2.5 years, he works 45-50 hrs a week and I'm taking 18 credit hours of 400 level classes at a university this semester. I get to see him 3 nights a week but have classes from 9am-9pm on mondays and 11-9pm on thursdays, so he's in bed by the time I get home.
The only time we really have to "do" stuff together is on the weekends. We don't do ANYTHING during the week. No dinners out, no visiting people, nothing. We have dinner, he goes to bed, I do homework.
Add in the fact that he's dirt poor, and I've got about $55 bucks and don't know when I'll get more.
Okay.. so my dilema... the one I'm trying not to get irriatated/upset by...
Without asking me if I wanted to do stuff with him this weekend, he spent last night talking to his buddies setting up plans to get together and do stuff with them today. So he left at 8am to meet up with them. They're going to go have coffee, then get breakfast at a restaurant, wander around the local stores, and basically have fun all day. He'll be gone until probably 3ish.
Which is fine...
But seems like after these "outings" he's all tuckered out, comes home to take a nap for the remainder of the day. By the time he gets up, I'm ready for bed. So I see him for a short while and then I go to bed alone. He then refuses to do anything with me the rest of the weekend because A.) he has no money. and B.) He just wants to sit at home after having worked all week.
Oh, and since he hadn't slept all night because of the nap he took during the day, then by the time I get up, he's tired and goes to bed.. so he sleeps a majority of the day, then isn't tired when bed time comes again.. So I sleep alone again.
Last night he came into bed long after I did, I woke up and asked if we could cuddle. But he wouldn't. Then this morning I get a perfunctory peek on the lips when he leaves, and a "love you" thrown over his shoulder as he walks out.
I'm reading too much into it. I should be happy he's off having fun. But (TODAY) I feel as though I've busted my ass all week, and I get left at home like the unwanted kid next door. Like I'm a drag, a nuasance, unwanted.
Actually.. I think I know why I feel that way. He's been making comments all week about how "easy" my life is, how kush I have it. And I'm exhausted. I feel brain dead. I feel like on monday mornings I leave the bed at a flat out run, and don't get to rest til sometime on saturday.... I don't feel like my life is easy. I have a 10 hr a week job on top of this that I can work on at home.. but I still have to do the work. I'm the one that cleans the house, washes and hangs-up all his laundry, I do the dishes every day and cook the majority of the meals. I am tired. Yet he keeps making jokes about how I have nothing to do all day, how it must be hard on me since I only have one class on tuesdays.
Then he bounces off to meet with friends and have fun because "he worked all week". Which makes me feel... unappreciated. Yet he did do stuff with me the weekend before, and the weekend before that. And he had been very loving and wonderful during those weekends. It's just this week that he's been more distant and the many "jokes" about my easy life.
So I'm caught between thinking I should be happy for him that he's off having fun, yet feeling irriatated that he's off having fun when *I* have to work all weekend, and feeling unwanted and unappreciated for everythign I give to this relationship.
Am I screwed up for how I feel? Can't quite talk myself out of feeling upset on my own. And it's interferring with my studying right now...
Wow..if he's like this after only 2.5 years I'd get out of this. I'm with my husband 12 years next month and he's never made plans, without first talking to me.
If I ask him to cuddle with me, he's never turned me down.
I'm sorry you're upset but the reason you can't talk yourself out of being upset is that you have every right to be upset. I'd worry about you if you WEREN'T!
Why do you stay with this guy? I hope you're not considering marrying him. It won't last. He's selfish and inconsiderate. From what I've heard from you before there's more bad than good here. It's time to call it a day with him. I wouldn't invest another minute of my time with this guy.
I work about 40-45hrs a week, go to classes that accumulate to about 10-20hrs of study/class time which equal = 60 hrs. I still have time.. to go out ONCE on a weekday but I rather do that once every couple weeks to balance out my study cause I have my weekend which is my freetime to do anything.
Your boyfriend has given up on the passion and you can feel it, all there is now is just "in and out" like the fast food restaurant. When a woman knows a man has lost his passion in life, a woman then becomes like you... worrying losing her feminity. A real man would not allow a relationship to falter like this, at the very least he would do something interesting every weekend but it's apparent your guy is not giving you that. It's not going to get any better. And it's not the issue of taking you out on the weekend I bet, I bet it's the issue that he's not the man you yourself want him to be. he's just sliding around like a broken car.
I don't know what advice to give you as to whether you want to dump him or not, but I think you're at that critical stage where you're thinking about the relationship and such. I recommend listening to some ladies who have been in your experience to give you some insight. Remember, it's not going to get any better than what you got now.
He spent the last two weekends doing stuff with you.
If this was a habitual pattern, then you might have reason to be concerned. But because this is one weekend in three that he's made other plans, I wouldn't stress. Besides, he deserves to have a life outside of your relationship, just like you deserve the same.
__________________ Warning: Keep out of reach of children. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this advice.
He spent the last two weekends doing stuff with you.
If this was a habitual pattern, then you might have reason to be concerned. But because this is one weekend in three that he's made other plans, I wouldn't stress. Besides, he deserves to have a life outside of your relationship, just like you deserve the same.
why does this coincide with the less affectionate? Is he just sick of me being around him right now?
Perhaps it's just a break in the usual routine that's signaled to you that "something is different … or off here." I can understand why your feelings might be hurt, but if spending a weekend with friends is just an occasional change from the usual rut (rather than something that becomes a habit) I don't think you have anything to be concerned about, yet.
As far as his "distancing" … maybe the hint to that was in his comment about how he thinks you have it so easy. (???) Perhaps he's feeling a bit stressed out and is externalizing that by comparing his situation to yours. Hopefully whatever perceived envy he has won't manifest itself into some kind of internal resentment towards you. I'd come out and just ask him (in a kind way) if he is unhappy with the current situation between you for some reason. And if there's something the two of you can do together to work things out so neither of you feel unfairly put upon. But I'd wait a day or two rather than jump into any serious discussions the moment he walks back through the door. Otherwise, he might assume you are upset with him for spending time with his friends, and end up feeling even sorrier for himself and resenting the whole situation even more.
Good luck Walk, and hope he's in a much better mood when he comes home. Especially if you greet him at the door wearing nothing but a smile!
__________________
"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” ~ Mark Twain
Good luck Walk, and hope he's in a much better mood when he comes home. Especially if you greet him at the door wearing nothing but a smile!
well.. didn't get a chance to meet him at the door. Had to run and pick up some groceries (out of food). He got home before I did.
Then he immediately started up his video game and started playing. *sigh* Only time he'd say anything is "aren't you going to go study?", "I thought you had to study." Then back to his game........
anyway.. I go upstairs to study. Few minutes later he brought me up a egg and bacon sandwhich he'd made me, and a fresh cup of coffee. Gave me a kiss and went back to his game....
basically WALK...your relationship is over. Its just a thing of convenience now for both of you.
ahhh... uh. ok.
Was it the coffee with buddies, or the fast food he ate that showed it was dead...?
And does this mean I get to take some of the hot college boys up on their offers now?
j/k.
He's probably stressed. I think Enigma is right... he's mentioned lately that he's really stressing about how to cover all the bills and stuff. He gets distant when he gets really stressed.
Thanks for the input. I think I was getting bent out of shape about him going out with his friends, but I'll talk to him about his comments regarding how easy I have it. See how he responds and go from there.
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