My life has become a twisted wreckage devoured by flame. I have been depressed for months now and feel like if I were to die tomorrow, it would be a good thing. I have twins which I love with all my heart. They are my only reason for getting up in the morning. However, I never get a break from them. I work from home and take care of them, that is all I do anymore.

My friends stopped hanging out with me shortly after my children were born. Lugging two kids around can be a hassle and none of my friends are up for it. My family which talked non stop while I was pregnant about how they were going to help me with these babies don't even bother to visit. They all live close by too. My boyfriend's family doesn't bother with any of us.

I don't even know why I call him my boyfriend as he has made it obvious that he doesn't want me anymore but we still live together with our kids. He seems to really resent me for forcing him to grow up when I made him a father. He treats me poorly but our kids well when he is actually around when they are awake.

I have no car and no way of getting anywhere (rural area). I am isolated and alone with these kids nearly 24 hours a day, every day. I don't know what to do now. Even if I wanted to leave I have no money and nowhere to go. I feel trapped in limboland. How did my life go so wrong so quickly?

[suegail]

I'm so sorry....you're having a very tough time. Sounds like the post baby blues, which is not uncommon at all, but feeling as you do, please don't bottle this up. Tell family, tell everyone around you how you feel honestly and that you DO need help, you need help, you need some relief...you need alot of support...Reach out for it....okay?

[umbo]

HEy kiss the twins for me.

Yes taking care of twins 24 hours a day is ovewhelming however they do eventually grow up. Have your bf babysit some times and you go out with your family. Your bf should be doing all the cooking and washing etc and taking care of the bills and he should buy you a car just because . Hey good luck yes you definately need to get out of the house sometimes.

Originally Posted by suegail

I'm so sorry....you're having a very tough time. Sounds like the post baby blues, which is not uncommon at all, but feeling as you do, please don't bottle this up. Tell family, tell everyone around you how you feel honestly and that you DO need help, you need help, you need some relief...you need alot of support...Reach out for it....okay?

I have asked to no avail. There is always some excuse when I ask for someone to watch the kids or come visit us. I have told them how miserable I am right now and how hard things are for me but while they extend their sympathies, no one lifts a finger to actually do anything. I have even gone so far as had my mother choose a day and time when she felt it would be OK for her and she bailed out on me both times. I am done asking them for favors because they always just disappoint me, time and time again.

I can't ask my BF to watch the kids because he won't. He really doesn't care if I am hurting right now. Actually I think he enjoys that I am suffering. If I mention something that is bothering me he tells me, "Well *YOU* wanted them, so you deal with it." I told him from the beginning of our relationship that I don't believe in abortion. We got pregnant by accident, despite BC, and he was nice to me even after I turned down the option of getting an abortion (which he had been pushing me me to do).

We discussed adoption but he said he didn't feel comfortable with doing that so we kept the babies. After they were born he distanced himself from me and started acting out in spiteful juvenille ways to "punish me". He has told me repeatedly that I ruined his life, that he wishes he had never met me, and that I am a selfish b***h that stole eighteen years from him.

I never said he had to stay with me and be a family, he could of opted to leave and never have anything to do with the girls and I other than a child support check. He chose to stay and make me know just how miserable he is here every single day... I wish he would stop playing the role of a martyr and just just leave since I am oh so horrible.

He also has never bought a single thing for these kids other than occasional package of diapers, over the counter medicine, and a couple of cans of formula. I didn't have a baby shower and I was forced to buy clothes, toys, cribs, playpen, highchair, stroller, and all the little odds and ends by myself. I am drowning in debt now because he wouldn't go half with me on anything.

I feel totally and utterly alone.

[umbo]

Hey guest why don't you become a member. Yes you need help you are not alone, and you can get through this email me at www.umbolava@yahoo.com there are agencies that can help you and assist you with job placement and food.

[KMT]

you should just give the kids up for adoption if thats what you want to do, you are overwhelmed. If you want to make it I'm sure you will but the adoption thing would make your life and theres so much better

Originally Posted by KMT

you should just give the kids up for adoption if thats what you want to do, you are overwhelmed. If you want to make it I'm sure you will but the adoption thing would make your life and theres so much better

It was an option we discussed before the children were born. I would rather kill myself than give up my children now that they are here and I have bonded with them for all this time.

[suegail]

Is there any family at all you could move in with until you can get state assistance and get settled in a place of your own with the twins? I know of a gal here who got ALOT of help that way..they helped her get into a nice apartment and she had plenty of food stamps and enough money coming in on assistance to pay her bills and then she was also able to take part time work. Also, your husband would have to pay child support, or go to jail, I would think....

It just sounds like you should not be living there...he's abusive...you and the kids need to be in a safe sane environment. No one should have to take the abuse as you have, and I'm sure the kids have suffered because of him.

Your life would change so much without him. I'm sure you'd be much better off and probably happy again for the first time in ages...

Is there a church nearby that you can call and ask for help? Please try, just look in the yellow pages and call and ask if someone can come and talk with you. That is what I would do, I would tell them exactly how I feel and ask if they could help in any way. you never know till you ask. (Don't be prideful, everybody needs help at least once in their life, believe me.)