How do I tell friends and family I don't need marriage?
I am 25 years old and I keep hearing why aren't you married, aren't you interested in anyone from family and friends....I tell them no and they question this like are you crazy you must be interested in someone but I'm not. I never had any relationships and remain a virgin. I never asked for a woman to marry nor expected to be married. I have not been in love either. I don't chase after woman its not an interest of mine, yet my friends and family think I'm gay because I'm not into that stuff, which is strange since I act indifferent to both sexes. I find my interests are into sports, reducing debt and working at a job I love. I don't blame a woman who is not interested in dating a guy who is living on the edge and is always busy with work...which I know is a factor. I don't expect pity as I have taken upon myself to work 60+ hours and work months with no days off. Then I hear about I have no social time, but I work I have to work to survive... My parents and friends are upset with me about this, how can I talk to them about this?
I never had any relationships and remain a virgin. I never asked for a woman to marry nor expected to be married. I have not been in love either. I don't chase after woman its not an interest of mine
Well your friends and family have a right to be concerned about you. Straight or gay, you're missing out on some of the greatest experiences in life. No amount of money, job satisfaction or material posessions can replace the joy of connecting with a partner. And until you've been there, you have a flawed frame of reference - you're not comparing it to something (good or bad), you're comparing it to nothing.
I'm not afraid of anything, just not interested in it...I know many people who never married and have no regrets of it. I have no desire to marry or be in a serious relationship...I rather enjoy life for everything I have not what I don't have....and the more time I work on my job and sports the more happier I am because I don't deal with stress with a partner.
It's admirable that you want to work and get on your feet, and if you love your job that's a huge plus, but I agree with LVspecB in that you're missing out on a lot of living! It sounds like a bit more balance in your life might not be a bad idea. I gain a lot of joy from my family, friends, and my lover, as well as experiencing the world through travel, concerts, scuba diving, belly dancing, gardening...little joys that enrich my life.
You certainly don't need to worry about marriage at this point in your life, but opening your heart to friends and lovers is fun.
I have to work though to survive and don't want to burden others with it, I want to get out of debt right now even if it takes 50 years when that day comes I will be estatic! I feel appreciated at work if I take even a day off my managers want me to work because they know how hard I work everyday. I took a day off to see my nephew when I got a chance but I must work to live right now, no sense in getting involved with anyone if I have no money to go out with, not financually stable and my time is occupied. I'm smart enough to know that those are not great qualities. Its like a room with no doors no matter what you can't get out.
ugh, I can't even BEGIN to imagine the headaches that line of questioning attracts. I think most people cannot comprehend someone existing without a partner, so it seems odd when someone happily goes about his or her way solo ...
as much as it must bug you, don't get upset at this line of questioning, but politely, but firmly say that when the time comes you'll consider it. If they persist, just as politely ask "why is this so important to you?" and listen to their answer. Most likely they are concerned about you being alone or lonely, but if they understand that it's not a problem for you, then start accepting your single status.
__________________ I think my favorite phrase at this moment is, "Shut your piehole!" It doesn't really refer to anything nasty, but it sure does sound rude.
Listen.. You listed several reasons "why" you can't get into a relationship right now. But they sound like really bad excuses. And that's fine if you want to use them. But what are the real reasons you don't want a relationship? I suppose it could be fear of intimacy. But could also be that you enjoy the freedom you have? You value your time alone? You are uncomfortable around women, and can't see how it would add value to your free time? Whatever it is, is fine... as long as you understand the real reason in your head. Whatever you do in life, don't lie to yourself. Lie to the rest of the world, but don't lie to yourself. However... most people aren't going to believe your reason as "reason why you don't date". Then they assume your hiding the real reason.
It may be more difficult to sustain a relationship working 60+, but by no means impossible. My bf worked 70-90 hours a week the first two years we were together. It was worth it to both of us to continue to make time for each other around his work schedule.
Also, we ALL work to survive.
And I'd hazard a guess that ALL of us have been in debt up to our ears at one point in our lives.
So maybe the problem you're having with your family is that they don't believe the excuses you are giving them. They think they are excuses and that causes them even greater concern for your well-being because then they think you aren't telling them the real problem. They're concerned about your happiness.
What if you just told them that you are happy with your life. That you don't know what the future holds, but for now.. you like the fact that you can choose to play sports when you want, work when you want, relax when you want. If that's the real reason, then whats so wrong with that?
But the work hours and debt... those are not terribly convincing excuses. You aren't working that many hours, and if you have access to a computer and internet, then you aren't THAT indebt. You probably see it as horrendous because you don't know anything worse.
If you want to get someone to stop bugging you about why you aren't in a relationship, those excuses have too many holes, and aren't convincing. Either say you're happy as you are. Or point blank tell them it's your life and you'd appreicate it if they'd stop asking you about relationships. Or ask them what their real concern is. They may just want you to be happy, and all they are searching for is confirmation of that.
Marriage and relationships aren't for everybody. Don't let these judgers here fool you...they can be a real pain in the ass. Just go to the 'marriage and infidelity' forum and see for yourself.
How much debt do you have?? As to your family, just tell them that relationships are a pain the ass and you don't want to deal with it.
If you don't feel the need to engage in this behavior then don't, but I see no reason why you should have a serious heart to heart with anyone regarding your personal lifestyle choices.
Maybe you should just say that. "I see no reason why I need to disclose my personal lifestyle choices."
__________________
I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.
You know you are so very right. keep up with what you are doing. listen what you are is honest, trueful and hard working. you need not worry what is in store for you!!!! YES, it is wonderful to have someone love you, it is wonderful to come home to that special person. GOD has that person for you. you see most of us(humans man or woman) choose our paths. we do and it clearly states in the Bible I have the way the truth the life. we also take it apoun ourselfs to find the husband or wife when it clearly states in the bible a mate has already be choosen for you. you need to focus on you!!!! if you find yourself one day in love then so be it and if not and your ok with that then that should be ok too. 9 marrages out of 10 end in divorce and at least 8 out of the divorce's have children that are hurt and have issues when they grow up. I am from a broken home myself and the hard struggles of life of where I was left as a child and my mother was left to raise 4 children on her own no support nothing and the child hood was full of love from mom but we were dirt poor. so you keep steady in what you belive in and if you one day find that special person then you will know it is God given, not man willing. as far as your family that is hounding you are they still in thier marrage? or have they been married and divorced and then remarried? what about the relationships in the past.... have they be broken hearted and thought that they could not live another day? it is alot of dramma....ALOT.... but really, keep an open mind....and just stay focused in what you want cause it is all about you and how you will live your life and if they pressure is still on then I would simply explain how much this just makes you so mad and that you are just not intrested in the love thing right now. and to those in the family that have been divorced and remarried or be broken do you rember what it felt like??? ok then that is why I have no intrest in it. WAY TO GO ON THE VIRGIN!!!! stay that way cause if and when you find yourself in love you would have saved the best part of you for that special person.. my Preacher said to me once.I have never had to consul a couple that waited for sex after marrage it is the one that had sex before marrage. hold fast to what you belive in. no matter the out come, However dont be closed minded, what I mean is belive that if it is ment to be then it will happen and if it is not then so be it. the old saying goes when you least expect it it will come like a whirlwind and you will be blow away. GOD bless you in your adventures!!!!
Thank you for the responses...it is great to see some diversity here. To answer the question am I fearful of intimacy no. I can talk to people and really get to know them and they share personal info with me because they trust me. How is working hard and being in debt bad excuses? If you can't afford to have a wedding or a family why put others into your debt problems, if anything that is showing more concern for those around you. Many of my friends complain about things like their spouse working too much or having no money, then why would it be wrong to say I can't do it and don't want to hurt anyone? I have had intimacy with sports and work many times, I have seen co-workers have babies and they share with me their misfortunes....Sports.... I have seen an athlete break their leg at my job and I had to comfort the families since I was the only one there...all never in relationships or marriage...I enjoy my life as it is now...maybe when I can no longer work or retire I'll join a volunteering group and still share intimate moments with those around me.
I can talk to people and really get to know them and they share personal info with me
showing more concern for those around you.
I have seen co-workers have babies and they share with me their misfortunes....
Sports.... I have seen an athlete break their leg at my job and I had to comfort the families
I'll join a volunteering group and still share intimate moments with those around me.
That's very one-sided intimacy. They are sharing themselves and their vulnerabilities with you, but you are not sharing yourself and your vulnerabilities with them.
Reread this list...they share their information with me, they share their misfortunes, they share their childbirths, you comfort them and their families, you would volunteer and help those who are vulnerable.
You aren't letting anyone into who you are. That's fear of intimacy. No one is allowed to see inside you.
Intimacy as in sex. Intimacy as in loving, giving and having someone physically there for you day in and day out...That is what I meant, not platonic friendships.
Anyway, you're 25 years old, you got tons of time so just live your life the way you want. Don't let friends/family pressure you into anything! What counts is how you feel at the end of the day and it sounds like you're quite satisfied and fulfilled already...BUT, in 10 years who knows? Maybe you'll want more out of life, a loving relationship...
Judgement involves a measured consideration of the options. And, whatever advantages aside sporteguy03 feels his monkish and celibate life present, he seems to have closed himself to even the possibility of a relationship. I don't think anyone, myself included, is proposing that he turn into a party animal or marry an internet-sourced Russian bride. But, at age 25, by completly turning his back on companionship and sex, he seems to be giving up an awful lot...
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"I see no reason why I need to disclose my personal lifestyle choices."
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