Yikes, even that word makes me sick. Okay here goes....

I am 49 years old, been married for 20 years, have 3 children (one left in high school) and am involved in an affair. I never meant it to happen. It just did. I married my husband because I was pregnant and I knew the day that I married him that I was not in love. He has been awesome all these years, I hold him in the highest regard believe it or not. Truthfully, I always loved him as a friend but never a lover. Probably never enjoyed sex that I can remember. I have all the material things and great well balanced kids and it looks to the outside world like a perfect family. My lover and I started in August. We have known each other since last January. He is 41 so I am 8 years older than him.

He feels terrible about all this and so don't I but neither one of us is strong enough to end it. I love him and never felt like this before in my life. So the problem...my husband is so nice, kids would be devastated, should I be selfish or live the rest of my life as it has been. Comfortable.I have never done anything like this before.

I am so lost but I also love like I never did before. Help.

Your husband also deserves to be with someone who really loves him romantically and sexually too. So staying with him just to preserve appearances may not be the solution.

But be careful, because the excitement of an affair with a forbidden person can disappear when that person is finally available. The sneaking around and secret meetings can make things very exciting. Once you have each other permanently, and your kids aren't happy with the new relationship, and other hassles come up, the free and easy, unattached sex can evaporate.

He may not want to deal with the fallout of your divorce and the age difference might loom larger. Deep down, he may not like the responsibility of splitting up your family.

But it isn't good to be in a marriage when you were never really in love with the guy. Freeing yourself might free him too.

ght Yikes, even that word makes me sick. Okay

here goes.... I am 49 years old, been married for 20 years, have 3 children (one left in high school) and am involved in an affair. I never meant it to happen. It just did. I married my husband because I was pregnant and I knew the day that I married him that I was not in love. He has been awesome all these years, I hold him in the highest regard believe it or not. Truthfully, I always loved him as a friend but never a lover. Probably never enjoyed sex that I can remember. I have all the material things and great well balanced kids and it looks to the outside world like a perfect family. My lover and I started in August. We have known each other since last January. He is 41 so I am 8 years older than him. He feels terrible about all this and so don't I but neither one of us is strong enough to end it. I love him and never felt like this before in my life. So the problem...my husband is so nice, kids would be devastated, should I be selfish or live the rest of my life as it has been. Comfortable.I have never done anything like this before. I am so lost but I also love like I never did before. Help.