I've been dating this girl (23, I am 21) for more than 6 months now.
I am a physical person (aren't most men?) I need to round the bases (and not necessarily hit home all the time), but getting some "action" every once in awhile keeps me happy. Supposedly (or atleast this is what I have been told by her) so is she. Well, I don't really see it. Sure.. she likes to hold my hand, and sit on my lap every once in awhile.. but thats it.
I had this "falling out" back in June time frame, where I tried to explain to her how I felt and such.. and thats how I feel "loved". She said she understood, but as she put it "Its just hard, as we dont' have our own places to stay.. and we're busy." etc. Things kinda improved from then on, we ended up becoming more "physical" since then, but it dropped off to almost nothing in the last couple weeks.. and I am tired of having to keep on intitating/bringing up the issue.
I went away for 3 weeks in the beginning of August (vacation to Europe). In that time frame, we did talk (via email) generally daily. So, its not like I cut her off completely.. while she was away, she got hit by a door on her hip. It hasn't healed 100% since then (been 5 weeks?). So, as she put it "no sex, no nothing.. until its healed, MAYBE making out, but thats it." Well, the thing is, she is more than willingly to drag me to amusement parks, where you have to walk around for hours on end... but can't do anything 'physical' ?
I would have thought that she would have atleast done something (doesn't have to be sex though.. could be other things) for one another, since I've been back. Gone for three weeks? And she doesn't want to do anything ? Since being gone though (and with this happening) I've lost all attraction towards her, for the most part. I just keep hello and goodbyes to hugs and a quick peck (which she seems fine with anyway).
Mind you.. I do things that she likes. Ie; I show up at her work sometimes to go out for lunch/dinner (going out of my way), go to the amusement park which is 2 hours away (which I can't ride the rides anyway... afraid of heights); take her out to dinner, to the movies... etc. But as she put it "I don't want you to do these things, and expect anything in return from me". So, to say "Well, you're not meeting her needs I think is unfair.. espically when we talk on the phone almost daily, for atleast 10 - 20 minutes. (AND I HATE USING THE PHONE!!!)
Come this fall, with me starting at a new college... our schedules will not mix. It'll be interesting to see if we can do things together... as I work and go to school full time.
Apart of me wishes we would grow apart this fall... another apart of me wishes we won't.
But, am I being reasonable here? Or is this something that I am just being selfish about?
Why don't you break up with her? I'm not really seeing why you're going out, or whatever you're doing, and I don't even mean because of the lack of sex. Sounds like there's a lack of affection, lack of respect, lack of interest, lack of caring, lack, lack, lack of anything that keeps you together.
Simply speaking, the relationship is stale. And, with the mention that you will be starting school and work, it is unlikely that the situation will improve.
Both of you will have to inject considerable amount of effort, dedication, and affection in order for this relationship to work.
As it stand, it sounds like she is no longer into you. When two people no longer mesh together, that is cue to move on.
Simply speaking, the relationship is stale. And, with the mention that you will be starting school and work, it is unlikely that the situation will improve.
Both of you will have to inject considerable amount of effort, dedication, and affection in order for this relationship to work.
As it stand, it sounds like she is no longer into you. When two people no longer mesh together, that is cue to move on.
She either has a low sex drive or is no longer emotionally interested in you. The last thing a girl wants to do when she has no feelings is to sleep with you. ................
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"how do you gently break up with someone???..
Thats like saying how do I gently drive a monster truck through a china/glass/crystal shop.
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This girl told you that she is happy with getting some action once in a while but that does not mean that she wants the action everytime YOU want it. Maybe she even lied about wanting some action. She could've said that to you in order to please you. It's quite obvious by the way she's been behaving that she doesn't want any action. If sex is so important to you then you should find someone who meets your needs. She might feel like you don't TRULY care about her because you're always pressuring her about it. Maybe she feels that if you really did care about her you would wait until she felt ready. You said that you're losing your attraction to her. Sounds like all you really want is sex and everything you claim to do for her is subconsciously your way of "going through the motions" to get you want you want. If you're unhappy with the situation, then just find someone else who IS willing to have sex with you because apparently she doesn't want to have sex.
Sounds like all you really want is sex and everything you claim to do for her is subconsciously your way of "going through the motions" to get you want you want. If you're unhappy with the situation, then just find someone else who IS willing to have sex with you because apparently she doesn't want to have sex.[/B]
I was with you up until that part.
No, I don't want just sex. I want to be able to also go out and do things (bowling, movies.. etc.). But, when all you get are "pecks" from her.. after 6 weeks of getting any type of "action", but she insists on you going out to eat with her.. insists on you LEAVING your family (during dinner) so I can show up at a goodbye party for someone leaving for college... But, doesn't look to fullfill your (or supposedly her needs).. but insists on you fullfilling hers, I get annoyed. Wouldn't you?
Do I want sex all the time? No. I like being able to sit down at a movie.. and being able to put my hand around her shoulder and enjoying the moment. Or having alone time. .where it can be making out and such. Its been 6 weeks since we did anything.. and I mean *anything*. And does it seem like she cares? Not really. As long as I am giving her the attention she requires.. she (I guess) doesn't really need to work for anything for me.
As long as I am giving her the attention she requires.. she (I guess) doesn't really need to work for anything for me.
You just nailed it, my vertically enhanced friend. This sort of thing goes on all the time, including in marriages, when one party (usually, but not always, the guy) does all the supportive and caring and kind things, but when it comes time to get some, she "doesn't feel like it" or "has a headache" or any other of the dozens/hundreds of excuses.
I promise you that this WILL get worse. Been there, done that, more often than I care to remember (slow learner, I guess).
__________________ Warning: Keep out of reach of children. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this advice.
I don't think that you are a pervert or a a****** at all based on what you have said . A healthy sexual relationship is a good thing. It sounds like though at this point you two are just frends. If she is not interested then you should let her go and you said yourself that you are no longer attracted to her. (Like attracts Like)
I think that you deserve better so you should keep your eyes open for someone that peaks your interest at school.
Sounds like she is just keeping you around as a cusion.
Boy do I feel really crappy after reading this. My now S/O would not give it to me but every 6 or 8 months or so, and that took alot of persuading. She always claimed the same excuses, I'm not into sex, I can go without it forever and things like that. Funny thing is, I would find new sex toys hidden around her closet and "Sex Improvement" books under her bedside. I guess I am really starting to understand this woman was not into me, but instead keeping me around as some sort of fallback or cushion. I am so glad I bailed out when I did, I would have just been really screwed up if I stayed.
I promise you that this WILL get worse. Been there, done that, more often than I care to remember (slow learner, I guess).
These words are so true, and they will get worse as this is exactly what I went through.
You just nailed it, my vertically enhanced friend. This sort of thing goes on all the time, including in marriages, when one party (usually, but not always, the guy) does all the supportive and caring and kind things, but when it comes time to get some, she "doesn't feel like it" or "has a headache" or any other of the dozens/hundreds of excuses.
I promise you that this WILL get worse. Been there, done that, more often than I care to remember (slow learner, I guess).
I'm in that situation now. But I'm the female one doing everything and about 80% of the times I want sex I get turned down! A girl getting turned down for sex.. WTF.. That is completely unheard of. I cook, clean, make him tea, walk miles to bring him tea after work so he can sit down and relax a bit, wash his laundry, take care of the cats, the house, yadda yadda... and I work... and I still get hardly any sex. I feel like I have to force him to screw me.
Even with a hip problem she could've still give you 'mouth service.'
I do that for my guy when my, umm, aunt is over for a visit.
I don't get women or men, shall I say. Sex is fun and wonderful and it feels great. And when you're in love with someone it just makes it 3984083940132 times better.
No, I don't want just sex. I want to be able to also go out and do things (bowling, movies.. etc.). But, when all you get are "pecks" from her.. after 6 weeks of getting any type of "action", but she insists on you going out to eat with her.. insists on you LEAVING your family (during dinner) so I can show up at a goodbye party for someone leaving for college... But, doesn't look to fullfill your (or supposedly her needs).. but insists on you fullfilling hers, I get annoyed. Wouldn't you?
Do I want sex all the time? No. I like being able to sit down at a movie.. and being able to put my hand around her shoulder and enjoying the moment. Or having alone time. .where it can be making out and such. Its been 6 weeks since we did anything.. and I mean *anything*. And does it seem like she cares? Not really. As long as I am giving her the attention she requires.. she (I guess) doesn't really need to work for anything for me.
I WOULD get annoyed if someone is insisting I fulfill their needs while at the same time they aren't trying to fulfill mine! OK so you don't want just sex, but still, she's straight out showing you that she doesn't want to have sex. I agree with the other people who posted here...it will get worse if things continue this way. If I were you I'd try finding someone else who is a better match. Good luck.
I appreciate everyone's response... I'll be looking to end this "fiasco" somewhat in the near future.
Funny thing is;
Remember the hip problem? Remember when she said no to anything physical (except for making out)... well, she was back to working out in the gym today! Said she had to burn off some of the calories she has been getting for eating out too much.
I appreciate everyone's response... I'll be looking to end this "fiasco" somewhat in the near future.
Funny thing is;
Remember the hip problem? Remember when she said no to anything physical (except for making out)... well, she was back to working out in the gym today! Said she had to burn off some of the calories she has been getting for eating out too much.
Man, I hate being treated like this.
I just don't get it.
Hey , as I said before . She does not want to have sex with you because she is not interested in you anymore.
She lost that lovin feelling.
When we don't want to have sex with you , well , we have basically shut you out of our lives,.( Unless its that time of the month or we just had surgery down there otherwise we want to most of the time ) ....She can't lay on her back and get some ??......but she can work out at the Gym ??? ....WAKE up call !
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