[BBetsy]

He broke up with me for the second time, 6 months ago, after being together 2 years (not counting the first breakup, after one year, which lasted 2 months).

This time, he's serious. He has instituted NC against me, and he's firm about it. He's dating someone else. Doesn't respond to any of my contact. I went through HELL for a few months, but am now ready to move on, although I love him and find it hard to imagine ever loving anyone again.

When we were together, I painted us dancing together to our favorite band. It hung in his living room. A few months ago, I went to his house and took the painting back. It was the one time he responded - he wanted it back. I was stupid to take it, and the next day I didn't care about it any more (god knows I didn't want it!) so I took it back and left it on his front porch for him (he learned to lock his door).

Tonight I drove by his house for the first time since then, really just wondering if his new girlfriend is living with him. She lives only a block away from me, and her car is NEVER in her driveway, so I was thinking maybe she was at his house all the time.

She wasn't there. He was home but didn't see me. AND, I can see straight through the front living room window and there's my painting, still hanging in his living room.

I feel really happy, because he still has it - so he MUST still care about me, right? But I DON'T feel really happy, because he's so cold to me. What does that mean? Anything?

[silentcharon]

I'm a painter as well. My ex has several of my paintings that I have given to him over the years- last time I was at his place, all of them were still on his wall. This was almost two months ago, after the break up in february.

Maybe he just likes the picture.

Are you happy that it's still there because he appreciates your art work or is it because it's specifically a picture of you two?

[Someone from China]

How important is it whether your ex responds to you or not if it's likely that you two aren't going to get back together? Even if he asked to patch up, would you forgive his unfaithfulness?

Don't get me wrong. I am not questioning you. I just want to know how women feel. From a woman's point of view, do you feel more comfortable if he occassionally flirts you about or he stops interacting with you at all?

[Spitkicker]

while reading this it seems like you have some stalker tendencies right now.

Don't worry we all have had it. Right now you need to start worrying about yourself.

[BBetsy]

I guess I'm happy because he must still care about me somewhat or he wouldn't still have that painting hanging in his house, especially since he's had a new girlfriend for four months. And it must mean they're not THAT serious or he'd have taken down because of her.

Yes, it is very important to me that he shows he cares about me. This man was supposed to love me with all his heart and soul and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, you'd think he could help me through this pain he's caused, even if just by showing he cares about me as a human being once in a while instead of completely shutting off. It hurts more. It makes me feel sad and angry and hurt.

But he's never coming back to me, I have broken NC too much - and you're right, I tend to obsessive thoughts bordering on stalkish behavior sometimes when I've had too much to drink.

So I'm not going to drink alcohol for a while, until I get myself together. It just makes me sadder and do stupid things (like e-mail him).

Thanks for your responses...

[the_alchemyst]

I'm sorry you are sad, Betsy.

I can relate to the feeling. During one of our break-ups, I gave my exbf a necklace of mine--just a little siler necklace with a moonstone dangling as its pendant. I gave to him because it was really special to me and because he would always say that I was just like the full moon: beautiful and enchanting. Plus, I would always tell him that he was my half-moon, and he would respond saying I was his--thus, together we made the full moon, which we agreed, was the most marvelous of the moon phases--so full of love and warmth.

I gave him this so he would "remember me." Last time I was at his place, he still had it hung ontop of his bed. Seeing that made me wonder the same as you: Does he still care for me? Is this why he still has it?

But you know, what does it matter? The truth is that you'll never know, anyway, unless he someday tells you. Maybe he does still care or maybe he has it there because he likes it or maybe he's just too lazy to adorn the place with another thing or maybe he doesn't even remember it's there or the significance of it!

It's sad, but it's true.

I personally think he still has your painting because yes, he still harbors feelings towards you, and I am sure those feelings are care and love. But please realize that this may no longer be the same type of love--maybe he loves you as a person, and no longer as a lover. Regardless, I am sure he still keeps such a personal piece because of the feeling behind it and the care he still has for you.

It may not be the same and it may not be in the same amount or in the same way you wouldn't want it to be, but know that he most probably still does care for you, in one way or another.

Knowing that should be enough, and if it's not, the pretend you he threw it away.

[BBetsy]

Thanks for your caring reply. At the very least, we know he doesn't HATE me, or think YUCK! when he thinks of me, or he'd have actively removed it, so that's good. But you're right, if he cares or how much he cares shouldn't matter to me. I need to let that go, along with everything else. Just sad about it. I can see that you relate to how I feel, from your moon story. Thanks for sharing.