Hi all,
Just found this forum for the 1st time..

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
2 weeks ago, my boyfriend of 1 year and my self.. plus his BF and my friend went on vacation.

My boyfriends friend .. call him Jim has a live-in girlfriend who at the last minute couldn't make it.. my friend.. has just been dating her guy on/off.. and more off lately.

So, long story short, yesterday i get a call from her saying, oops we slept together when we were away.. therapist said in order to be a good friend I have to tell you. So, I asked my BF last night if he knew and didn't mention it, but he was floored and shocked so that answered that question.. he simply said it's none of his Biz and he wants to pretend he doesn't know as he doesn't like having to keep things from people..

I understand this.. but here's the dilemma. Ok So I see Jim's GF probably once a week and exhange e-mails... I feel terribly knowing this information.

Me personally?? I have always said to my friends.. if you know anything, or you have a bad feeling about or there is something innapropriate about someone I am with, I deserve to know!! I will deal with the truth rather than being in the dark.. It just stinks, I mean, I would want to know!@! But, part of me feels this is none of my business and if I got involved in any way then that really create drama that I am apart of..

Hope everyone wieghs in here, I'm so torn.. Appreciate it.

[Bryanp]

You are friends with Jim's girlfriend and you exchange emails. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect her to tell you? As the philosopher Edmund Burke once said:
All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing.

[Jake809]

Brynap is right, the right thing to do would be to tell her. Be very careful on how you do this. Jim will be very mad at you and he probably wil take some of his anger out on your boyfriend and your boyfriend will not be very happy with you for "ratting out" his best friend. Try to talk to your boyfriend and perhaps let Jim know that its bugging you and you think he should tell her himself.

[lovelorcet]

If you are going to bring this out give him the chance to tell his GF. Best would be to force the girl he slept with to do the dirty work herself. She could force him to tell. She has very little to lose and you 2 can just play dumb...

Originally Posted by Bryanp

You are friends with Jim's girlfriend and you exchange emails. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect her to tell you? As the philosopher Edmund Burke once said:
All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing.

Thanks all~
Bryan I couldn't agree with you more..

All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing..

My BF is away right now, so we haven't really been able to talk about it.. and his only comment was.. "I'd rather not know since I'm friends with both of them."
and that he really doesn't want to talk about it. But I am so torn up about it, and I want to speak with him about how he "feels" about it, but let's face it.. he kind of already said .. He doesn't want to talk about it.

Because, yes my feeling is exactly that! I mean, if It was his Best Friend who knew I had cheated on him wouldn't HE want to know!! Uggh this just stinks.. My guy, is a really good man and I don't want to force him to discuss something that he is not comfortable with so I have called my therapist, and friends.. but I still feel unresolved. I also feel that while he is away and we can only talk 10 minutes over bad connection is probably NOT the time.. although I have wanted to say more everytime I speak with him..

I just don't want to risk having bad feelings when we get off the phone and am trying to wait till he returns home.. but it is so difficult. My married friend said, I need to let it go.. He has told me basically he is unwilling to pursue it further.. and that I need to respect that.

And would I expect her to tell me? I would hope that she would, but we are really just beginning to forge a friendship and in this case I think she would definitely do whatever her BF asked her to, since his friendship with my BF is the longstanding one and this could impact their friendship as well.. and he will also HATE me.

thanks for listening.
Monkey in the Middle