[Paulie]

OK...I'm getting frustrated. EVERY WEEKEND, I go out to parties, clubs, bars, talk to lots of girls. I have no problem talking to them, frankly.

Pretty much every weekend, I meet some very nice, attractive girl that I would like to get to know better, and get her phone #, or e-mail address...sometimes both. These girls generally are more than willing to give me their numbers, sometimes offer themselves, before I ask.

So...I call. I'm pretty laid back on the phone, nice, etc. But lately, get blown off on that initial call. Why do they give phone #s if they don't wanna pursue anything?

My guess is one of the following:

1. They want the ego boost of guys calling them

2. They are interested at the time, but are weirded out when I actually call

3. They are drunk when they give the #, and blow me off when they are sober.

Any suggestions??

I mean, some of these girls are really good people. It just seems that it's hard to get beyond that initial contact.

Thanks

Paulie

Hi Paulie,

When I'm at bars and meet a man my mind is generally wandering at a lower level than I normally operate during the day. His sexual tension draws me.

The man I'm attracted to by day is a completely different type than those I'm attracted to after margaritas. Guess that's why I've left the bar scene.

I don't think it's you at all, Paulie. I suspect perhaps these are just nice girls for whom alcohol's de-inhibition effects have worn off. With the lights, music, and alcohol turned off, the sexually intense game just looks like sex.

Oh Paulie, I don't mean to infer at all that I believe you're after sex... I just believe we let our inhibitions down at bars and then we have trouble reconciling those we meet in the dark with our lives of the day.

Can you overcome it? Well, if a man were to sneak in the back door using sweet, quiet, safe methods... a handwritten note, an innocent boquet of daisies... I would let my guard down and accept an invitation from him. Let them see who you are, Paulie, and they'll come around.

[Tony T]

Before you get a lady's phone number, have a really good talk with her and leave and lasting and positive impression. Then don't call right away. Let her be driven out of her mind wondering when you will call. Then ten days or so later, you call.

If you call immediately, it is just not nearly as exciting to the lady. Take my word for it. If people would just learn one thing...to be a challenge and to not care so much...they could have anything they want in the whole wide world.

All of your above theories are correct to some extent, absolutely. But the ladies who really want to hear from you will respond quite positively if you show them you are not so eager.

[Paulie]

Ten Days???

To me that seems like you really DID care!

You still remember that one conversation for 10 days, and ARE playing some game, because you DO care.

I just always feel like I wanna call you, take it for what it was, and call.

When I'm on the phone, I don't sound overly anxious.

Where's the faulty logic here?

(As a matter of fact, Tone, I'll forward you the e-mail I sent one of these particular ladies yesterday...no need to analyze it though, of course, unless you want to)

[Tony T]

It really doesn't make any difference what it seems to you, to a lady, a guy who calls very soon (say within a few days) just doesn't seem nearly as tantalizing as one who calls later on. If you made an impression on her, she will call. If you meet a lady in a noisy bar while she is intoxicated...and that's the kind of gal who turns you on...you deserve whatever reaction you get from her no matter when you call.

I'm not here to debate this, I am just advancing techniques that have been proven foolproof and positive for me over the years.

I always went to the bars early and found nice ladies before they had too many drinks and before there was too much competition. Then, they would look for me all night and I would be at some other place or at home. Men just can't get it in their head...it's human nature to want what is NOT around.

By the way, I know Salma is awaiting my call. Get me that number, PLEASE!!!

Again, Tony nails the answer. My "although" comes in just to state one very refreshing experience I had.

After being stood up one night, I accepted an invitation to drinks with a neighbor friend. He was nice, but I guess being neighbors, we hadn't really seen anything in each other.

When we got back home we took a short walk and he gave me a sweet, innocent good night kiss. He was very forthright about his interest in me and said he would like to talk after we had a couple days apart. He promised to call me before the weekend.

Using Tony's method of creating wild desire in women, he DID wait until Friday but what really wowed me was just the fact that he had kept his word.

So sure, use time to tantalize and titillate, but you might want to try that trick too...promise to call within a stated time frame. That way she won't be freaked out with surprise when you call AND you will have the benefit of having kept her mind dwelling on you AND you will receive yet another benefit of earning brownie points in the character category.

And yes, Tony's right. I would tend to avoid a man who called too soon after we just met. He would just seem a bit too needy and over-anxious.

BUT I have also had men who waited too long to make that first phone call; there's a point where the waiting is just rude. And after that 7-10 day period passes, it just feels arrogant for the man to call.