Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I'll try not to make this too long. I'm 20. I got married last year on my birthday to my first love. We've only ever been with each other. He got into some trouble and was in jail for the past 6 months. A few months after he was gone, I cheated. I had a 1 night stand with my boss and slept with a crush twice. I used protection and I'm going to get tested.
There was a while when I started to doubt my relationship and our future due to some issues I have with him (his jealousy), our goals, etc. He's going to be in a rehab for 1-3 months and as soon as I got to see him without glass and touch him, the way I felt came flooding back and now I know without a doubt that he's the one I want to be with forever. I did it out of pure loneliness and I was even pretending it was him. It wasn't physically satisfying either and now I can't stop thinking about it. I can't tell him. He'd never forgive me, never look at me the same. I just can't hurt him like that. What can I do to get over this? I feel awful, like dirty trash. I'm a christian too, and though I've asked for forgiveness I can't shake this horrible feeling.
You have 2 choices, either come clean to him about what happened, or keep it to yourself. However, IMO I think either way it will eat you alive. He will eventually be able to see the fact something is bothering you and will start to ask questions. 20 to me is to young to be married anyway. I'm not saying it can't work, but since he was your first love and you are young, I'm not sure theres alot of solid foundation to hold it together. I hope I'm wrong though.
I'll try not to make this too long. I'm 20. I got married last year on my birthday to my first love. We've only ever been with each other. He got into some trouble and was in jail for the past 6 months. A few months after he was gone, I cheated. I had a 1 night stand with my boss and slept with a crush twice. I used protection and I'm going to get tested.
There was a while when I started to doubt my relationship and our future due to some issues I have with him (his jealousy), our goals, etc. He's going to be in a rehab for 1-3 months and as soon as I got to see him without glass and touch him, the way I felt came flooding back and now I know without a doubt that he's the one I want to be with forever. I did it out of pure loneliness and I was even pretending it was him. It wasn't physically satisfying either and now I can't stop thinking about it. I can't tell him. He'd never forgive me, never look at me the same. I just can't hurt him like that. What can I do to get over this? I feel awful, like dirty trash. I'm a christian too, and though I've asked for forgiveness I can't shake this horrible feeling.
You're gonna have to tell him, would YOU want to build a life with him if it was the other way around, he also has the right to know, and to make a decision with HIS life.
Clearly you will have to tell him. One part of your letter confuses me. You have been married only a year and you said you had problems with his jealousy. To show him you don't like him to be jealous you proceed to screw your ex-boyfriend twice and your boss once? Well I guess you proved to him that he had no need to be jealous! What is wrong with this picture?
ok, for one, you dont love him. AT ALL!!!!! you proved that when you screwed 2 other men 3 times. this is proving beyond a shadow of a doublt that you dont love or respect your husband. your a child. PERIOD!! your actions proved that. responsible adults dont do these kinds of things to each other. this is not a loving relationship. he proved he didnt love you when he got busted and put in jail. also, you said he was treating you like crap before he got busted. and what made you addicted..or i mean.... fall in love with him in the first place? does anyone pay attention to red flags anymore?
you also said it didnt mean anything and it felt shallow to you. but you did it not once, not twice, but three times. must have felt pretty good for you to keep doing it.
your actions are your subconscious trying to come out and get you away form the loser you married. stop what your doing and get out of this train wreck...i mean marriage. your not even close to grown up enough to have a puppy, let alone be married......"E"
and yes im being hard on her. kid gloves dont work when children are invovled.
Mscmkr, there are about 1000 or more other "children" on this board that are liars and cheaters too. Why dont you rant and rave there as well. Honestly I think it is worse to make the same childish mistakes when you are in your thirties or forties. Shows they never really grew up. And there are tons on here like that so give it a rest.
To the original poster:
Honestly, you will have to tell him and take it from there. You were lonely and that is about all you can tell him to try to let him see your side. But take full responsibility. Tell him you love and him and will understand if he cannot accept what you have done.
I don't know if you truly love him, because I don't think a person who does love someone would cheat on them. But there are a many of male pigs on this board who claim to love their wives yet still cheat, so who am I to say.
I think you were lonely, maybe in a rocky marriage, and just needed attention. Afterall, your husband is in jail and I'm sure wrapped up in his own problems.
Ballerina89- I think you might of rushed in too soon on getting married at such a young age. Your husband has been in jail and will be in re-hab for another few months. There has been two other men you have been involved with sexually. This is all in a matter of a years time worth of marriage? What do you expect to happen for the next year of marriage?
A marriage based on lies and deceit will only bring on more affairs or a divorce. If you truly love your husband you need to find a marriage counselor and work on your marriage. I don't know if you neccesarily have to tell your husband about your affairs, the only reason being is that he was in jail and you say he is the jealous type, there is a good chance he could become violent on hearing the news of his wife not being faithful to him.
Ballerina89 you have an up-hill battle, I hope all works out well with you. Good luck!
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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