As some of you know, I have been away for three weeks in Europe.
Before leaving, well, I had spent many gruelling insomniac evenings, obsessing about whether to go into NC or not. I never managed to, I figured, let me go to Europe and that will be my practice for NC, and when I come back, I will see what's up, then I will stop the affair.
(of course, knowing I might not be able to)
He brought me to the airport, and before I left, he told me that he wanted to bear my child. (I thought, this is crazy talk)
But of course, I believed him.
Anyway.
Two days after I was gone, he went into therapy again with his wife, and he told her how he felt about her.
She agreed that things hadn't been working out at all, and they hadn't slept together in two years, so, she agreed to divorce.
They had a long talk, with a lawyer, and decided when she would move out, and how they would split things.
The day before I arrived, they had a very friendly supper together and decided who would get what, and how they would tell their families and friends. (once again)
He told her that he went back to her out of guilt, and that he was willing to try to work it out as long as she was sad or couldn't deal with the loss. SHe decided she was fine with it, and was willing to let him go, and remain friends, since it was obvious his heart wasn't in it.
He picked me up at the airport yesterday, and I was about to tell him about the fun I had and the boys I met, and the places I've seen.
He was very happy to hear my stories, and then blurted out: I'm getting divorced. She's moving out in a few weeks. We are legally separated now, and within a year we will be divorced. (it takes a year).
We have been speaking non stop since then, and he has told me he is deeply in love with me, and has wanted to be with me for half his life (he knew me when he was 15). I can't believe this.
Anyway. I am shocked, I thought I really had to go through NC, all my friends in Europe told me he would never leave his wife, I was getting mentally prepared to accept that.
He told me that his best friend told him to not jump into a relationship just yet. I think I agree with that. He told me maybe we should take it slow, yet, at the same time, he wants to see me 24/7.
I told him I don't think we should tell anyone, before the divorce is finalized. It's all going so fast. We were only seeing each other once every 2 weeks. Now, he can come over anytime.
I am going through the exact same thing. Almost sounds too good to be true so I am not going to fall too hard for this until the papers are signed. It's almost going too smoothly.
Or maybe you already wrote it all but I haven't checked, since I was gone so long.
Yes, I must take things slowly. He and I will definitely not be moving in, that's for sure. I think we'll just keep being friends, and I will go on, as I did.
I'm terrified as hell really. I still wonder what's going to happen.
He is happy, he wants to see me, but I am a bit scared, because I tended to see him as a FWB, and now, the thought of a relationship scares me.
I'm such a commitment phobe!!!!
Anyway. We're both pretty similar, so we understand one another.
But still, I'm scared as hell.
Anyhow, this is his separation year, I can't be going public yet, so we have to be careful.
eyes wide shut.......did he move out or did she? Do you know for sure that this is truly happening and that she knows??
I only ask b/c I as ending an A. I am married however and never made any promises of leaving my H. He has claimed that he and his wife haven't slept together in two years, I hear the blow by blows everyday of what he says goes on there yet he is still with her and she is still with him.
Even though I never wanted any commitment of any sort from him, when I would back away from the realationship, I always got the " paper's are being drawn, I told everyone about you, etc. etc....
I think for me, when he thought he was losing me, by saying these things, I wouldn;t walk away even though I didn't need to here these things.....
I think when men get desperate, they will say anything.
I'm not trying to burst your bubble here at all, believe me.........just sharing my thoughts
I posted my story the forum under "busted by the wife". I am still freaking out over it because it was only a week ago today that it happened. I am still married for now but i'm sure that once everything settles down with MM, I will persue on my situation. I just want to be with him and he wants to be with me but it is a very fragile situation right now and we cannot afford to make any more mistakes. We are trying to be mature and be patient in hopes that everything will work out for us after the dust settles.
Wow Eyes, what a turn of events. I'm glad for you. Guess that is how things happen. Here you are off in Europe, living your own life and see what happens.
I doubt very much if you can be considered the "rebound" girl. It's not like you just met him or he is just turning to you. By his own admission, he knows you half his life. Although, I agree with the others that I'd take things day by day and see what develops.
New to the posting, but not knew to reading... congratulations! I think your MM is speaking genuinely, too. I'd take it slow, too... relish some of the parts that you haven't been able to for obvious reasons, etc. You're not the rebound girl. Don't stress, even though it will likely be hard not to since you are so used to waiting for the bottom to fall out. Don't let that aspect rain on your parade.
Yes I know for sure. She's moving out in a few weeks. He told me that one of the reasons he was sure he wanted to be with me was because when he told me he was going back to her, back in March, that I supported his decision and didn't freak out. he really respected that in me.
And since March, he was really afraid he would lose me, because he had been wanting to get my attention for half his life, and he didn't want to blow it now that he got my attention.
it's truly amazing. I am going to take this day by day, but it's weird, I never thought it would happen this quickly. everyone told me, if he went back, he would never leave her. But he did.
Anyway. I can't believe i never had to go through the gruelling NC ordeal.
how could things just fall into place like this?
well, I don't know what the rules are for the year of separation. he is not divorced, it takes a whole year before it becomes legal.
I don't think I should be seen in public with him.
He says it doesn't matter, and he wants to take me out all the time.
I don't know. I really think I should be careful.
I think you should take it slow and not be seen with him for a while. I don't remember, was it ever discovered that he was having an A? If not, really lay low, someone will figure it out if you two are all lovey dovey out in public, and then the divorce may not be so amicable.
It's best that you guys try to keep things the way they are right now, or have been. I can understand how he feels, sh*t if my MM left his W, i'd want him surgically attached to my hip from that day forward!! I'm kidding of course, but i can certainly understand his excitement! I'm excited for him.
I feel ambivalent about this whole situation.
It's as though we skipped over the whole blissful dating stage.
When he told me he was getting divorced, BAM! he was in my life.
I was not really in the proper mind set for a new man.
NOw he comes over, we talk, we are blissful, we have sex.
But there's no mystery, no courting phase, no first dates.
He sees me in my underwear and glasses, no makeup, I never get the chance to get all dressed up to go out. We shower together, he knows my bathroom habits, I feel as though i've never been "asked" to be with.
Am I just a complainer?
We can't tell anyone about our relationship for another year, but by the time we tell people, and start being more open, we'll already know one another really well, and it will be hard to fake it ( he is closely tied to members of my family and I know all his close friends).
I wish I could start anew, but we're already into a full blown affair.
How do all of you handle it? (the women who's MM are divorcing)
I feel ambivalent about this whole situation.
It's as though we skipped over the whole blissful dating stage.
When he told me he was getting divorced, BAM! he was in my life.
I was not really in the proper mind set for a new man.
NOw he comes over, we talk, we are blissful, we have sex.
But there's no mystery, no courting phase, no first dates.
He sees me in my underwear and glasses, no makeup, I never get the chance to get all dressed up to go out. We shower together, he knows my bathroom habits, I feel as though i've never been "asked" to be with.
Am I just a complainer?
We can't tell anyone about our relationship for another year, but by the time we tell people, and start being more open, we'll already know one another really well, and it will be hard to fake it ( he is closely tied to members of my family and I know all his close friends).
I wish I could start anew, but we're already into a full blown affair.
All that happened while he was with his wife. He WAS dating you, getting to know you...Problem is, he was married - So, yes - It's not the same as dating when two people meet as single folks. But, being in an affair has many downsides, and I guess that courtship, getting to know eachother slowly and let it grow at it's own pace isn't the same as it would be if you two had hooked up without prior relationships.
The year I'm sure is going to be rough, more hiding, sneaking around, etc... It might be another test to your relationship with him. Expect some rough times, but if you love him enough, hang in there...
I wish I could start anew, but we're already into a full blown affair.
Quote:
He told me that his best friend told him to not jump into a relationship just yet. I think I agree with that. He told me maybe we should take it slow, yet, at the same time, he wants to see me 24/7.
There's nothing wrong with stepping back a bit. Just because he's suddenly getting a divorce, doesn't mean you have to accept an accelerated relationship. If you want to be courted, then tell him you agreed with him when he said to take it slow, and that it's important TO YOU that you take it slow (not just for his sake, but FOR YOU).
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I'm kidding of course, but i can certainly understand his excitement! I'm excited for him.
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