I have been dating this guy for almost a year. He's a nice guy and all but some of the things he does makes me feel like he doesn't respect me as his girlfriend.

Whenever we go out somewhere and there's an attractive woman, he doesn't just oogle her, he has to make some sort of sexual comment about her. I just find it blantantly disrespectful towards me, not to mention that it makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't care if he looked at them, I just wish he wouldn't be vocal about it to me. I'd prefer not to hear about how the cashier at the store had a 'nice rack' etc etc (I don't want to get too explicit). Another thing he does which really upsets me is that he'd look up porn on his computer infront of me. I confronted him about it and he said that it's just 'for fun' and that I shouldn't be bothered about it because all guys look at porn. I KNOW that all guys look at porn but crying out loud, is it too much to ask to not look at it infront of me?

I don't know if I feel upset because of jealousy or out of disrespect. I've tried talking to him, as I said before, about how his behavior made me upset but, in the end, he always makes me feel like I'm overreacting or being too sensitive.

[megnog]

well tell him that you don't feel as though you are overreacting OR being too sensitive. sit his ass down and tell him whats what. i'm sure he doesn't want you commenting on men saying "that guy has a rock hard ass!!!" when you are with him.
naturally, its going to make anyone feel bad.. or at least it would to me. if he doesn't get it, then maybe its time to drop him? i don't know how serious you two are or how big this problem is with you but chances are, hes not someone you want to marry if he acts like this all the time.

just imagine your wedding day.. and hes commenting about your bridesmaid's chest.. not a picture perfect wedding in my opinion

now, i know that i went a little far to be talking about a wedding day, i'm just trying to point out that he seems like a pig that DOESNT respect women and possibly doesn't respect you.
it could be from past relationships that hes been screwed over in.. it could be something deep... but i'm guessing hes just a dumb BOY. so talk to him and let him know you FEEL like you are being disrespected and that you don't need to see him look up porn in front of you OR (and especially in my opinion) check out girls and then mention their body part sizes.

[john2776]

I agree with Megnog. I don't think you are overreacting or being too sensitive. I don't like the way he is treating you at all.

[CGrace44]

I agree too. My boyfriend talks about other girls' racks, etc. in front of me in order to get a jealous reaction. He wants me to be protective of him but I'm not really the jealous type and so I take it as disrespectful. Talk to him again. If he still does it then tell him its over.

[lovestruck234]

I can understand completely how you feel. I have a similar problem with my bf, although, mine isn't as bad as yours. Pretty much cut out the porn and the comments....my boy just has a serious habit of checking out girls when I'm with him.....

It really doesn't bother me THAT much, it's just more of an intimidation thing. If a really hot girl walks past and he looks her up and down I get all tizzed up inside cos I know she's got more than me....

But, my only way out was to talk to him about it. For example, we were in subway one night (had the munchies for a chicken fillet....mmmm) anyway, we were there eating and this girl walked in wearing a tight black jumper, a short (I mean, it could pass for a belt) denim skirt and long black boots. She was hot. And I saw my bf look her up and down about 3 times...

When we left I said to him "Rhys, I know it's perfectly normal to check out girls, but don't do it while I'm there, it's just rude. I never check out guys while you're around, dont' do it! I saw you check out that girl in Subway, it p*sses me off!! Don't do it!" He laughed cos he knew I caught him out. He had sort of stopped but I still have to say on quite a regular basis "Hey, darlin, hmmm....I'm over here! You're with me tonight, remember?"

Just tell him straight out that it peeves you off. Guys can usually only see it in black and white. Don't p*ssy-foot around it.

But sometimes in the end, there's no getting through to them. It's always going to be in a guy's nature to see something beautiful walking by. There really is no stopping it....

I mean, like I said, my situation isn't as bad as yours. But if I was in your situation, yeah, tell him to quit the porn, quit the comments, and quit the staring. Straight out. No "Oh, it kinda makes me feel a little insecure and well..." no. That won't get you anywhere.

Yeah, sure tell him how you feel. That it does make you feel as though he has lost respect for you. But all in all, telling him how you feel is telling him that you DON'T LIKE IT. Full stop. There shouldn't be any questioning about it. If he does question it or say "oh, it's only a bit of fun" tell him you don't see it as anything more than disrespect on your behalf and somewhat peverted.

If he can't get enough satisfaction from you and he has to look at porn and other women, ask him what the hell he's doing with you in the first place??

He is a pig and he needs to learn how to grow up or grow a set of balls. Guys who have no respect for how you are felling is usually a sure sign that there's something behind it all. For someone to repsect you, they need to repsect themselves....does that explain it? The guy looks like he lacks respect for himself....IMO anyway....

[Walk]

I was reading Lovestrucks post and it occured to me... a guys comments about other women really aren't a reflection on who you are. Look at Lovestruck. She's gorgeous. She's a model. Her life is going great. From her previous posts she seems like a level-headed, balanced woman who has her life together. And she has the same complaint about her man checking out other women. No one in their right mind would ever say that Lovestruck isn't stunning. So is she the reason her bf looks? Some flaw with her? No... it's all in the man's head. It doesn't make the looks and comments any better, and I personally believe the OP should dump the guy, but don't place the blame on yourself. Don't allow it to degrade your self-esteem, or allow you to feel inferior. Get out of the situation if your bf can't respect your wishes enough not to utter crass remarks about other women. Its not you, its him. And a line needs to be drawn on how we feel we should be treated by our SO. Have the respect for yourself to draw that line, and carry through with action if it's crossed.

Basically what I'm saying is, YOU deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. If he can't do that, then don't allow him to tear you down because he's screwed up in the head. Stand up for yourself, and at the very least, respect your self enough to leave the situation if he refuses to acknowledge your feelings on this.

As far as the porn... I'm not against porn, or see it as wrong, but when I was with men who obviously looked at other women or made comments while I was with him, then him watching porn became an issue for me. When with men who didn't check out other women around me, then porn was never an issue. My security with how my bf felt about me caused me to react positively or negatively to porn. But I don't feel porn, in and of itself, is bad. It was just a reflection of my insecurity on a whole with the relationship.

[lovestruck234]

Originally Posted by Walk

I was reading Lovestrucks post and it occured to me... a guys comments about other women really aren't a reflection on who you are. Look at Lovestruck. She's gorgeous. She's a model. Her life is going great. From her previous posts she seems like a level-headed, balanced woman who has her life together. And she has the same complaint about her man checking out other women. No one in their right mind would ever say that Lovestruck isn't stunning. So is she the reason her bf looks? Some flaw with her? No... it's all in the man's head.

Awww shucks! There was no need to say that....thank you for the compliment, Walk. Very much appreciated!