[JoL]

I have been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now and it has been going really well. We were friends for about a year before we got together, therefore I know a lot about his past, which, to say the least is quite colourful....

He was quite a womaniser in his youth (20's) and so were most of his buddies. He is now older and wiser (30s) as are most of his friends. They have all settled down with partners, wives etc. As has my boyfriend, He loves me dearly and talks of marriage, kids and a great future together.

BUT.... There is this one guy I haven't met yet but I have heard about. This friend of my boyfriends is still behaving like he is a 21 year old punk- womanising, cheating, lying and basically sleeping with different women as often as he can. He has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this who lives out of town.

The thing that is the REAL kicker for me, is that back in the day, he and my boyfriend used to hook up with random girls and have threesomes and god knows what else.. (Makes me shiver just typing it). These are all things I found out from my boyfriend directly telling me the (at the very start of our relationship).

Since we have been together, he has met up with this guy about 2-3 times. Each time I basically have voiced my disapprovment at this guys behaviour and my discomfort that my boyfriend seems to be associating with someone like him. I just let him know it made me a bit uneasy that they are sitting at a restaurant and this friend is relaying all the sleazy details of his last encounters to my boyfriend.

Now the icing on the cake is that my boyfriend wants me to meet this friend for dinner/drinks tomorow night. He mentioned it out of the blue..they had dinner plans for tonight but they fell through, so my boyfriend suggested all three of us meet up tomorrow night. I have told him that I am super-uncomfortable with that idea....just sitting there knowing that they used to f$#@ around together makes me feel ill. My boyfriend thinks I am being silly and that it is all in the distant past, therefore I should just let it go.

Am I being silly, or do I have a right to feel weirded out?

[CaterpillarGirl]

I definitely understand your discomfort at meeting with this friend. I think your boyfriend should respect your feelings and not push you to go. Likewise, I think you need to accept that this friend is a long-term pal who is not going away. I would stop harassing your boyfriend about his association with this guy. First of all, it won't work. Second of all, if the friend gets wind of your complaints, he could use it to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. Especially when he sees you aren't eager to meet him.

I know it's hard watching your loved ones make friends with people you don't respect. But you have to trust that your boyfriend is a great man with integrity and let him have whatever friends he wants. I think that if his friend continues to live his life in a different manner than your boyfriend and his other pals, eventually they will all wise up and go their separate ways naturally. Sort of like being sober in a group of drunks - you realize they are not hilarious and you are bored.

[norajane]

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer...

You've built this guy up in your head to be a monster...declaw the tiger by facing him and letting him see how happy you and your bf are. Find it within yourself to feel pity for this guy - he doesn't know the kind of love that you know.