Has anyone ever experienced their spouse to all of a sudden begin to talk about cheaters when there was never a conversation about it before? Sure theres always a first time for everything. However over the past week and half, my husband has made it a point to tell me about 3 different cheating incidents he has heard about. At first I thought maybe hes just trying to make conversation with me about the topic, but after him telling me of this third cheating story, now I'm not sure whats up.
He came home from work one evening and when we went to bed he made it a point to tell me about a cheating story he heard on the radio, where a woman made a banner and displayed it about her husband cheating for all to see. The next one was he told about where he saw a car in someones drive way that had been sprayed painted with "Im cheating" on it. Then last night after he got in from work he was very keyed up about telling me something. I had to put him off twice about whatever he wanted to tell me due to company dropping by, and then doing things with the kids before bed. So finally when I got in the shower, he came in and said, "You want to hear about what I had to tell you?" I said sure. It was like he was just itching to tell me this.
He proceeded to tell me about a lady he ran into yesterday and how she stopped him out on his job site, he knows the lady he sees her on his job site. She tells him, "I guess you heard me and my husband has split up." He tells her, "NO and that he sure was sorry to hear, and these things happen." He tells me, that she told him she caught her husband by hiring a PI, blah blah blah. And even went on to tell me how much the lady spent on the PI. I just told him, "Well good for her, thats probably what she needed to do if she felt something was up."
Like I said, he may have been making conversation with me, and my gut tells me he is not cheating himself. But I am wondering if he is telling me these cheating stories he has heard about, to gage a reaction from me, or to see what I might would do/say. Do others feel this is what he is doing? Fillin me out to see? Some people may not think its odd, but to me it is becasue in all the years we have been married he has never mentioned a thing about cheaters, ppl who cheat etc. And now all of sudden he has mentioned three different stories to me within the past week and half. With the last story he told me last night, he seemed very anxious to tell me about. And reminded me 3 different times to remind him to tell me about it, if he forgot. He was very adamant about it. Opinons please.
I agree with mess4u. Why don't you just ask why he's always talking about cheating all of a sudden? We can only make guesses, which won't satisfy you since we don't really know the reason.
I Think He Just Stumbled On To Some Interesting Gossip & Wants To Share W/ You
You're right I could just come out and ask him. However, I don't want him to get the impression I'm questioning him incase he is doing something maybe he shouldn't. I am the type to lay low with any questions and see whats going on. Really thats what I'm planning on doing at this point. If he mentions it again, then he either has a fixation all of a sudden with cheating ppl or something is up. We have many conversations about things before but this is a first. Like I said first time for everything I guess.
From a males POV here, as a guy I found this description of his behavior highly suspect and weird. The point is, people don't dwell on such trival things in depth making such a point to really want to tell you something, then combine that with the fact he has brought this topic up several times within the last week or so; when you have never had this kind of conversation before, then something is amiss. If I were you I would keep my eyes on it. I also think its possible that this is the tip of the iceberg to a whole host of other issues.
From a males POV here, as a guy I found this description of his behavior highly suspect and weird. The point is, people don't dwell on such trival things in depth making such a point to really want to tell you something, then combine that with the fact he has brought this topic up several times within the last week or so; when you have never had this kind of conversation before, then something is amiss. If I were you I would keep my eyes on it. I also think its possible that this is the tip of the iceberg to a whole host of other issues.
This was my thought as well JackJack. Noone brings up a subject three different times about cheating if they aren't thining about it or have already crossed that line! JMO.. If my SO had brought up this subject constantly i would suspect something going on .
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Its possible he was just trying to make coversation with you, but wow what a conversation topic, not once or twice but three times.
IMO, if he had told you of a story he heard about cheaters one time, and then dropped it, thats one thing, but to tell you about three different cheating scenrios, is just odd to me. Its also possible he is trying to see what you think on the matter or what you would say. JMO.
Jade
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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
You're right I could just come out and ask him. However, I don't want him to get the impression I'm questioning him incase he is doing something maybe he shouldn't. I am the type to lay low with any questions and see whats going on. Really thats what I'm planning on doing at this point. If he mentions it again, then he either has a fixation all of a sudden with cheating ppl or something is up. We have many conversations about things before but this is a first. Like I said first time for everything I guess.
So what have you been saying in response each time he brings this up?
So what have you been saying in response each time he brings this up?
When he told me about the lady that hung the banner advertising her husband was a cheater, I laughed and said that I thought it was great she did that, and he deserved to be humilated.
The thing about the car being spray painted, I just laughed and said "wow some people will go to any lengths to expose others". He said yeah it was kind of funny.
The thing about the lady telling him she hired a PI, I said, "2,000 dollars for a PI thats alot of money."
I was pretty non-chalant about it becasue I wasn't sure where all this was coming from.
A friend of mine just brought something to my attnetion that I didn't even think of. She said, "do you think he is telling you these cheating scenrios and how they were caught becasue he thinks you are?" Kind of like he is trying to tell me that if I am, these are some options he might would try.
I told her, you know I didn't think of that, and its possible he did tell me this for that reason. He is a very insecure/paranoid person. I'm not cheating at all, and if by chnace he was to hire a PI I hope its money well spent because that PI will come up empty handed, so he is more than welcome to do so. I have never given him reason to think otherwise. He on the other hand, has lied about things in the past, even though they might have been petty things, he is the one that was always found out when he did lie or hid things.
You really MUST discuss the issue, or it will fester!!!
If you can't discuss your thoughts and feelings in a mature, rational manner, while keeping the judgement level reasonable.. then your marriage is headed for big trouble.
Only by being open, honest and forgiving (understanding that humans all can/do/will make mistakes) can we truly relate to our spouse.
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