[Tony T]

You don't have a relationship...you have a totally and complete mess. If everything you describe is accurate, get out of the situation as soon as possible.

Whatever possessed you to take up with this man. Both you and your children deserve a whole lot better.

My vote is for Divorce!!!

ok- everyone hold on here for a minute! Although your description of this marriage is pretty horrible- the fact that you asked for help says that you haven't given up.

Now, let me just say this..... your marriage will not get better without serious and continued professional help. If you aren't willing to seek this help (or your husband is unwilling)- then you probably don't have any other alternative to divorce. BUT -if your husband is WILLING to do what it takes to make your marriage better- you still have a chance.

Your husband will have to learn how to become an active member of your marriage as well as the family. YOU alone will not be able to teach him how to do this- so again- get yourselves into counseling- IMMEDIATELY!! If you still love him- and he loves you- find a way to afford it- make time for it- and do what it takes to continue it.

You can learn to love him again- if you want to- which is the key factor in whether or not it will work. If you think there is the slightest chance that you can get him into a program- do it. And be prepared to make some changes of your own as a result of this therapy- be open minded.

I hope it isn't really as hopeless as it sounds- good luck.

Jenna

You don't have a relationship...you have a totally and complete mess. If everything you describe is accurate, get out of the situation as soon as possible. Whatever possessed you to take up with this man. Both you and your children deserve a whole lot better. My vote is for Divorce!!!

ok- everyone hold on here for a minute! Although your description of this marriage is pretty horrible- the fact that you asked for help says that you haven't given up. Now, let me just say this..... your marriage will not get better without serious and continued professional help. If you aren't willing to seek this help (or your husband is unwilling)- then you probably don't have any other alternative to divorce. BUT -if your husband is WILLING to do what it takes to make your marriage better- you still have a chance. Your husband will have to learn how to become an active member of your marriage as well as the family. YOU alone will not be able to teach him how to do this- so again- get yourselves into counseling- IMMEDIATELY!! If you still love him- and he loves you- find a way to afford it- make time for it- and do what it takes to continue it. You can learn to love him again- if you want to- which is the key factor in whether or not it will work. If you think there is the slightest chance that you can get him into a program- do it. And be prepared to make some changes of your own as a result of this therapy- be open minded.

I hope it isn't really as hopeless as it sounds- good luck. Jenna

i have thought of counceling, but i think it is far from the help of that. i dont know if i can love him again or it i ever did. i think the only reason i married him from the beginning is because of out daughter and that isnt a reason to marry.

Well, it sounds like you have made up your mind Bella- so what was it that you were looking for? It seemed from your first post that you were seeking advice on how to stay with your husband- but it now looks like you are wanting justification for leaving. You don't need anyone's permission to divorce your husband- any judge in his right mind would grant one to you. I am sorry if I misunderstood your request for help- maybe you could clarify what it was that you were seeking by posting to this site.

Jenna

i have thought of counceling, but i think it is far from the help of that. i dont know if i can love him again or it i ever did. i think the only reason i married him from the beginning is because of out daughter and that isnt a reason to marry.

I think you should divorce him. He really is not a good husband. He sounds lazy, shiftless, and not a very positive influence on your kids. Do you want them to have a dad that won't work, gets high and plays games, accuses you of things you aren't even guilty of, and is not emotionally supportive? They will grow up and need a good role model for a father, or they may end up like him. And if the sex isn't good, then that's the final straw.

Well, it sounds like you have made up your mind Bella- so what was it that you were looking for? It seemed from your first post that you were seeking advice on how to stay with your husband- but it now looks like you are wanting justification for leaving. You don't need anyone's permission to divorce your husband- any judge in his right mind would grant one to you. I am sorry if I misunderstood your request for help- maybe you could clarify what it was that you were seeking by posting to this site. Jenna