[jc.googe]

I met a guy online a few months ago and have started a LDR. He lives in another country has two teenage boys and an ex wife living close by. He is a nice guy but I can't help wondering if all this is too much to handle, I've been reading about the problems hostile ex wives can cause and they scare me.

My question is, would you back out now while not too emotionally involved or carry on and risk everything, selling everything you own and move to another country for a man with a past that will never go away?

[sugarplum]

You dont really mention how well or how much else you actually know about this person. Or if you have feelings of love, have exchanged photos to know if physical attraction is there, etc. You also dont mention what country you are talking about. Some countries I would be more afraid of than others - but that's just me. I personally would be extremely hesitant about selling off my stuff for someone I've only known a few months even if he lived in THIS country. I say put on the brakes! Make sure you have checked this situation out well - and I don't mean just going by whatever he says. It might sound like being sneaky or snooping, but you owe it to yourself to know everything about what you are getting into.

And my own experience with ex wives with kids - its pure hell.

[jc.googe]

Thanks for your reply Sugarplum

I don't really think love develops until after you've met. I think right now we are in a state of infatuation. Yes we've swapped photos and spoken on the phone as well as msn and emails. The attraction is definitely there but it would make more sense to become attracted to someone where I live in the UK, he's from New York.

I asked a simple question concerning his ex wife last week. We were talking about the different heights of people we know and I asked how tall his ex was, he replied "Does it matter?" He didn't seem to want to talk about his ex and I felt he was telling me not to ask questions. This is a huge red flag to me, this woman is part of his life and alwasys will be and as you say, I need to find out as much as possible before getting more involved.

Not one person has given me positive feedback on this, I would be stupid not to listen to what people have said. I posted on here in an attempt to come to a final decision on this while our relationship is still in its infancy. I swore I would never go down this road again. I dated a man with an ex and a child a few years ago and I came off worse and it took a long time to get over the hurt and lies. I think this proves how easy it is to get carried away online as you don't get to see their personal lives, only text on a screen and the odd phone call. I have to say as well that he dosn't seem to be available evenings or weekends except by appointment and has stopped emailing me from his personal email address and now uses his work email. I know, I know more red flags. He does work ten hours a day though so that could explain his absense from 6pm to midnight as he would be tired from work or he could be married.

I think I've already made up my mind, my first thoughts on waking are walk away.. I think I should listen to my intuition and all you clever guys on here Thanks for listening.