[serial_monogamist]

Sorry this is kind of long, but I guess I have to explain the background and where I'm coming from.

Long before we met, BF used to go to prostitutes. But then he wondered why he was giving himself to complete strangers and then stopped. He coped by satisfying himself before we met. He decided that he wanted to save himself for The One.

BF's father always taught him that he must not chase more than one girl, otherwise, they might talk behind his back and he'll lose them both.

I am a Christian and want to wait until marriage to have sex. BF is a Christian too, but he feels that to be in a monogamous sexual relationship, even if not married, is still not as sinful (not knocking the rest of you who choose premarital sex; this is just my personal relgious belief and preference) as having multiple partners. He feels that it's all right to have sex with someone you love, in a committed relationship; I don't feel the same way. As my counsellor told me, he should respect my wishes. She suggested that we go to couples counselling because we want different things, but BF is not very open to counselling. He feels that disputes should be resolved between the couple but nothing is getting resolved. The other complication is that it's long-distance. He's 5 hours away and his PhD studies are very demanding right now. He's working day and night.

He said that unmarried couples at his church are openly having premarital sex and he envies them. My church is much more conservative and he thinks that people are just hiding their activities. That's another issue, if we were to have children, which church would we go to and what would he teach them? I prefer to spare my kids the complications of teenage sex and would prefer to teach them abstinence. When I was crying about this, BF said he would also teach them abstinence but he's doubtful that it will be effective.

He's got a really strong libido, more than I've ever seen in my ex-boyfriends. If he doesn't relieve himself now and then, he gets pain in his testicles. He feels sick after he pleasures himself, perhaps because of the lack of human contact. Once he hurt himself so he doesn't do that anymore. He was having some nocturnal emissions for some time but those have stopped and the pressure keeps building up. Sometimes, after a lot of begging, I let him rub himself against me, but I still don't feel comfortable doing this. He feels better if he's at least holding me as he relieves himself. He says that he can only come to me for this, even if I want to wait.

I guess I'd given up on having completely celibate courtships since my last 2 boyfriends were also passionate, though they never requested anything more than petting. For all I know, they were probably relieving themselves after they went home. I just think that men are men and they have needs. I was just hoping to at least hold off intercourse until marriage.

When my BF was still on campus, he was sharing a house with 2 roommates, one of whom is female. This female roommate has a boyfriend, but she has many men after her and she has had at least one other man spend the night with her. BF said that what she was doing was wrong. He also complains about how messy she is.

BF has been away for field work for several months, but his campus landlord is still reserving the room for his return. Once in a while, BF returns to the campus and checks his mail at that house. We were there over a month ago and found that his female roommate was there, the other rooms were not occupied. We were really disgusted by the bathroom conditions, as she had not cleaned for ages. She was preparing to vacate the house in a few days, for summer holiday. When I mentioned her later on, BF was not sure that she would return to that house this fall, as he doesn't talk to her outside their house.

I helped BF install Skype on his laptop, so that he could call me long-distance. I set up his username and password for him. However, during a thunderstorm, his laptop got toasted. He is bringing it in for repair.

BF has a 2nd laptop and asked about installing Skype on it. So I told him to download Skype and I will e-mail him his username and password, as well as my username so he can re-add me. When I sat down at my computer to do this, I momentarily forgot if the password was in caps or lowercase. Just to verify this, I tried logging in to Skype with his username. I honestly didn't realize that the contact list, even the Skype-Out contacts would be stored on the server. There was my username and phone numbers, his best friend's phone number, another friend of his, and the female roommate. I found it odd that her contact would be there when he had so few contacts added. Why is she way up there among his close friends when he supposedly doesn't really talk to her. The name was misspelled in caps but I dialed the number and got her cell phone voicemail.

Now I'm wondering what's going on. He could very well have contacted her regarding the house they shared, and may share again, but then he had said that he wasn't sure if she was coming back and he doesn't really talk to her. Maybe she had mail there, but I don't understand why BF would call her instead of the landlord calling her. And if it was BF who had a concern regarding the house, he could've called his landlord.

Or could it be that he's using her to relieve himself? I don't know where he would get the opportunity, since he's working his butt off out of town. The last time he came this way, he stayed in his university town for one night. The university town is one hour away from me, and he asked me to meet him there but I said no, I can see him when he comes to my house. As far as I knew, that roommate was supposedly away on vacation but her cell phone number is still in that area code but maybe she just wants to keep that number for her return. Then while he was here, he needed to go to another unversity a couple hours away to consult with a prof. On his way back to my house, he stopped by a friend's house. I asked if it was his best friend and he said no he's at a friend's house.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to wait for BF's old laptop to come back from repair and see if I have the opportunity to check his Skype call history. But then there's no guarantee that he'd bring his laptop here or that he wouldn't delete the call history even though he's not so computer savvy (though he was capable enough to add the other contacts without my help).

But I'm not sure that I can do any amount of waiting. I had trouble sleeping last night and had nightmares. Right now, I feel like it's so hard to breathe.

On the other hand, I want to confront him about it, but it'll have to be over the phone. I don't think I will believe any answer that he gives me anyway. I want to see if I can catch him in a lie and say "Have you talk to your old roommate lately?" But since we'd been talking about getting his Skype set up last night, he might know that I logged into his account.

What if I'm blowing things out of proportion? What if I'm being played? I wish I knew for sure.