I'm on myspace (I know) and my ex is on my friends list. She broke up with me 3 weeks ago because she says she's not happy with herself and she needs to get her life together. Understand, we had an amazing relationship until one day she told me this. I talked to her last week for an hour and all she did was sob and tell me she meant everything she has ever told me and she was sorry this happened. A week prior to her breaking up with me she was asking me to move in, so all this came out of nowhere. Anyways, it wasn't a nasty breakup, but at the same time we haven't talked since last week and she won't return my phone calls or emails. I don't know if she just doesn't know what to say or if she's just trying to move on. I have been left in the dark and I'm not sure if I need to keep trying to mend things or if I need to delete her all together. Friends tell me to delete her and forget, but it's hard when you really care about a person. Any advice?
Delete her - from what you've written, her feelings aren't mutual in a relationship sense:
Quote:
I talked to her last week for an hour and all she did was sob and tell me she meant everything she has ever told me and she was sorry this happened.
I think she feels sorry for having hurt your feelings, as opposed to regretting her decision in breaking up with you.
Quote:
Anyways, it wasn't a nasty breakup, but at the same time we haven't talked since last week and she won't return my phone calls or emails. I don't know if she just doesn't know what to say or if she's just trying to move on.
I think it speaks for itself that she hasn't returned your messages or picked up her phone - she's told you that it's over between you both (not good news, I know) and so doesn't want to communicate with you further as all that needed to be said has been said (on her part anyway).
One way communication (which you're currently doing by sending her messages, etc) is cetainly no fun (been there before myself a while ago, and I've no intentions of going back)...all it does is just adds to your frustration...
If you delete her now, it'll make it easier in the long run for you to move on. Good luck!
Last edited by Winfield; 24th June 2006 at 8:40 PM..
You just never know what a person is going through..so i suggest you make one last effort to contact her and find the closure you need. It's just common courtesy. However, if she refuses any of that and you did your part then yes, it's time to cut all ties by deleting her and moving on with your life. Good luck and take care of yourself!
__________________ “A harmful truth is always better than...a useful lie!”
I'm in a similar situation myself and believe me no contact is best!! I went out with a girl for 2 years and she broke up with me!! told me she did'nt have strong feelings afor me anymore and ended our relationship!! I instantly told her i did'nt want any contact!! She was upset and told me she did'nt wanna lose me etc!! I agreed to stay in touch and up till the last few days we spoke about once a week!! It was a big mistake and it just made it worse for me as it prolonged my pain!! the situation suited her as she still had me in her life as a friend and was loving being single and doing what she wanted while i was'nt getting any better!! It made me very jealous and at times bitter and i knew that staying in contact was making me worse!! she's gone to new York for 2 weeks with her friend and it hurts to think what she'l be up to with other guys etc but i took it upon myself to delete her out of my life just last week!! She already tryed mailing me from new york but i have'nt replyed and won't!! I know its not easy to delete somebody you care about from your life, all those memories and great times but its the only way!! If i can do it so can you!! believe me you'l feel better!! Its hard i'm not gonna pretend itsd not but every day i'm feeling better and i'm accepting her in single in NYC a lot better than i thought i would!! D'ont make the same mistakes i made!! Delete her and move gone!! You'l be fine
You dont have to "delete" her, but I wouldn't suggest contacting you either. The other posters are right. She left. She doesn't want to hear from you or to re-establish the relationship. If she did, she'd contact you saying just that. It doesn't help you if you contact her and you don't hear back. You're basically reopening your wounds. I've been on NC from my ex for 4 days and I'd love to talk to him, but I know he decided our relationship wasn't right, and well, nothing I'm going to say to him is going to change that. Do I wish he'd contact me and tell me he was a fool? Of course. However, I sincerely doubt that's going to happen, because well, he's already left the relationship. It's a sucky reality but all we can do, is just try to be happy and move on.
it probably seems so sudden because you were both about to make a big step, moving in together.
she realized she had to get out of this relationship, and she (wisely) didn't wait until you'd packed--or unpacked--all your stuff.
if this event (moving in together) wasn't occurring, she would have floated through the relationship with you for a while, trying to find new ways to make it work, getting frustrated, probably making you feel like you did something wrong and starting little arguments, and then when she stopped worrying about what you thought and had no other choice, she would have ended it. and you would be starting from square one.
at least she spared you the agnoizing project of trying to keep someone when you know they are going to break up with you any day.
cliche, yeah, but you'll find someone else and you'll wonder why you ever missed her in the first place. that's why there are millions of women in this world--it's not easy to find the right one on the first try.
delete her.
__________________
I'll refer to my fiance as Bob. His name is not Bob, it's just easier that way.
Last edited by MarnieGirl; 25th June 2006 at 5:37 PM..
After a breakup, rule 1 (aside from no contact, obviously) is to REMOVE ALL EVIDENCE. This means all MySpace related shenanigans, all e-mails, all saved IMs, all text messages (trust me, this took me forever and I regret it)...heck, you even need to delete her number from your phone period.
I know how hard it is to try and move past someone who meant the world to you, but you have to remind yourself if you meant that much to her, this never would have happened.
Keep your chin up. I'm sure you've heard the words "things will get better" about a million times, but they honestly will! The hard part is that you actually do need to give it time.
Thats very true!! I made those mistakes also and it just makes it harder!! Its difficult to basically move on and leave somebody in the past but remember the person your helping most of all here i s YOU!! YOUR whats important now and not her!! Silence is golden and believe me you'l get more respect from her by maintaining NC rather than trying to get in touch with her 24/7!! D'ont be surprised in the next days or weeks while your keeping to your NC stance that she trys to contact you!! Thats where u will have to be at your strongest!! She may want to mend things or she may be calling just for a chat but either way remain strong and d'ont beg or cry or anything!! Always be polite but keep a distance. D'ont tell her to much!! Let her see that your a strong willed man(even if you d'ont feel it at the time or anywhere near it) and that your building your life again!! As they say'you can't keep a good man down' and you'l get through this!!
You are so right. I'm going through that right now. Last night, me and my ex GF (I'm still not fully grasping the "ex" part) had it out....badly....... and now it's all "no contact" from here on in. I am hurting so much, but I guess you can all relate.
I have 50+ text messages of hers saved on my phone. All of them good, fun, sexy ones (some of them REALLY dirty), and then just the one where she broke up with me (less than 24 hours after asking me for sex, by the way!)
I want to delete all of that, but I can't get myself to do it... it's like....it's the last little bit of her I have left. No pictures, not a lot of "physical" memories... just a bunch of text messages and a couple of old emails..... I know it's stupid, but it's all I have.... and it's STILL killing me inside.
And yes, I know "time heals all wounds", but the fact that she was with another man within 24 hours of breaking up with me is what makes it hurt the most... I know there is NO chance of us ever getting back together again, or even speaking again....but... she was EVERYTHING to me.... again, I feel like I'm talking to people who don't know how I feel, but I know you guys do...
I guess when you are going through this, it's natural to feel like it's never, EVER happened to anyone before.... I know you guys are all out there, dealing with your own situations.... but.... I just feel so.... alone in this.. I guess I've never been that great at opening up to people before, but I'm really trying to.. I don't want to hurt anymore... don't want to be alone.....
Thanks for listening
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fallen_Angel
After a breakup, rule 1 (aside from no contact, obviously) is to REMOVE ALL EVIDENCE. This means all MySpace related shenanigans, all e-mails, all saved IMs, all text messages (trust me, this took me forever and I regret it)...heck, you even need to delete her number from your phone period.
I know how hard it is to try and move past someone who meant the world to you, but you have to remind yourself if you meant that much to her, this never would have happened.
Keep your chin up. I'm sure you've heard the words "things will get better" about a million times, but they honestly will! The hard part is that you actually do need to give it time.
Thanks for all the positive replies, it's really helped. Well, I didn't delete her yet, but I took her out of my top friends and now I'm trying to stop checking her profile. It's so hard. I know I sound like a wuss, but I'm just being honest. I am definitely following the no contact rule and I just hope I can stick to it. It may take a few weeks to fully get used to. Thanks again.
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