reality check

sadmummy · 23rd June 2006, 12:19 AM

Hi all,

I'm new here, and well a bit desperate for help!! I basically could use any and all opinions of those willing to share theirs.

Here goes: Is my husband cheating, or am i just paranoid?

5 weeks ago my husband announced out of the blue that he wants a divorce. This is after we just moved into a very expensive new home in a new city. We also have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. He said he decided he wanted to leave in the fall when I was pregnant and before we moved.
Since he dropped this on me i have discovered the following:
A list of phone numbers in his wallet, some on the list i know. There is some woman named Brandi who I've never heard of as well as a single female friend who is recently divorced. Through careful questioning, without revealing I saw the phone list he tells me he hasn't spoken to this female divorced friend. Then why is he carrying her home and cell #s around? "Brandi" remains a mystery.
He has had to travel for business several times since telling me he wants to divorce. His grandparents live in the place he has been visiting, but both times he has stayed in a hotel. He says he didn't stay with family because he feels too uncomfortable because he wants a divorce, even though they do not know this.
He is spending a lot of time online late at night. If I come into the room he shuts the screens down. When i confronted him on the the first time he said he was emailing his mom, the second time he says he is posting in a forum for men going through divorce and he doesn't want me to see where he has been and read what he has written. He is erasing his history, cookies etc. As far as i can tell he seems to be on msn and hotmail quite a bit.

I know it is pathetic to be spying on him, but he has got all of my spidey senses going wild. He is not what i would call the cheating type, but then i didn't think he was the leaving type either and i was wrong there.

I could use anyone's in put. I really want to work things out, but i feel like he is being dishonest in some way, i'm just not sure how.

Hope my story makes sense! Thanks

princessesmom · 23rd June 2006, 12:26 AM

sorry to hear this. I really feel your pain.

Does he have a cell phone? look up the #'s he called and see how long they are on the phone.

Did you call Brandi? I think I would to see who it is.

We he see anyone to talk about this?

sadmummy · 23rd June 2006, 12:33 AM

Hi,
His cell phone is a through his work, so i can't see his phone bill. I did try to have a look at it while he was in the shower, but I'm no good with these things. By the time I "accidently" turned it on, and couldn't figure out how to turn it off again, his shower was over. I've been too scared to check it since.
No I haven't phoned Brandi, I'm scared who ever she is will tell him, and he'll just be even more angry with me.
I have begged him into marriage councelling, but he is very defensice and says he is only going because iof the kids. I think his mind must be made up.
Thanks for posting!

binevrywear · 23rd June 2006, 2:13 PM

"Brandi" might simply be his favourite porn star's name, but I wouldn't bet the alimony on it, which is what you hopefully will be getting from this guy on time and on a regular basis once your divorce is through. Face it, honey. He is cheating. Business trips? Hotel? Gimme a break. See a lawyer, and soon. I wish you courage through the difficult times ahead.

catgirl1927 · 23rd June 2006, 4:18 PM

You need to go see a lawyer, pronto. If he's already asking for a divorce, I'm betting there is someone else. You need to get some help protecting you and your kids. I hope you have a job. You're going to need to support your kids very soon.